Is she worth the effort of LDR?

[Ldrlove88]

I have a girlfriend who lives thousands of miles away from me. We’ve been together for almost three years now after meeting in a singles latin tour. In those three years, we’ve only spent like a month in total together. It’s a good relationship; too good to be honest. Before, it felt nice that we don’t argue at all. Who doesn’t like that, right? Especially when you’re both too far away from each other. Then, everything fell in a routine and things feel boring now. That’s not even the worst part. Lately she’s been distant and cold and it feels like she’s having doubts about us. She even said I should still plan a future of my own and see how things goes. I don’t know... it feels like she doesn’t want us together. So, my question now is that, if this relationship is still worth the distance? Shouldn’t it take two to tango?

[omgtotallyxo]

Three years and there is still no move to live in the same area. Doesn't sound like a serious relationship. Did you guys make any plans to do so in the near future? Long distance relationships should only be temporary.

[Ldrlove88]

I offered after our first year. I told her to move here and I'll help her with everything but she declined.

[DalM0m]

If after 3 years you two couldn't get it together enough to even be in the same place again AND neither of you wants to move to the other's country, what is the point of continuing?

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with the others. Long distance relationships can be very hard. They certainly CAN work.... but so rarely do. About the only way they CAN work is if/when the long distance thing can become a thing of the past. When the two of you can move in together or can at least live closer.

Three years and no signs of that happening any time soon? I'd personally think that is a pretty clear sign it just isn't happening. To just move on. But, that doesn't automatically mean I'm right. So, at least maybe talk to her about it first. If there is the possibility of the long distance problem ending sometime in the near future, then maybe it is worth it to wait for a little longer and try to work towards that end-goal of living closer. If she still isn't interested in any situation that moves you two closer to each other geographically, then maybe that is your answer.

Good luck to you either way.

[Minikimini]

I have a girlfriend who lives thousands of miles away from me. We’ve been together for almost three years now after meeting in a singles latin tour. In those three years, we’ve only spent like a month in total together. It’s a good relationship; too good to be honest. Before, it felt nice that we don’t argue at all. Who doesn’t like that, right? Especially when you’re both too far away from each other. Then, everything fell in a routine and things feel boring now. That’s not even the worst part. Lately she’s been distant and cold and it feels like she’s having doubts about us. She even said I should still plan a future of my own and see how things goes. I don’t know... it feels like she doesn’t want us together. So, my question now is that, if this relationship is still worth the distance? Shouldn’t it take two to tango?

The only way relationships can function well is to either be in close proximity or have so much self discipline that you can withstand anything that threatens your relationship.

Not many people have self discipline. They need/crave companionship and will seek it out if they get sick of being by themselves all the time with no end to being alone in site.

If she's turned cold on you, then she's either angry with you about there being no movement towards being in the same zip code or someone new has come into orbit and she's mad at herself because she's emotionally, if not physically, cheating on you and she's projecting her anger onto you.

I don't think a LDR where you've only been in each other's company for a total of 30 days out of 1,095 days is viable. When you are together, you get "honeymoon". No day to day, in person problems, no seeing each other at their worst, no filter provided by text/phone calls/skype-facetime. So what's happening right now is probably what would have happened by the 3 month mark had you two been involved face to face. She's backing out if she's telling you to make plans for you own life--because that's probably what she's doing right now with the new guy she recently met, but hasn't told you about.