What should I do?

[Bbcolz]

So I met this guy in the middle of the year. I'm a junior in high school and we had the same Spanish teacher but different periods. I had Mrs.Lyduc seventh period while (we'll call him J.) J. had her sixth period and when I would go to seventh he would still be there for a few minutes and talk to either his friends or Mrs.Lyduc. We started talking to each other and he seemed really funny and sweet. But then I wanted to talk to him after school and my friend had his Snapchat so I asked her to give it to me (I couldn't ask him to his face cause I didn't have the guts). She did and we talked on there. That's when I started falling in love with him. I wanted to call him also so we called a few times but each time it was kinda awkward because I really didn't know what to say. So we stopped talking on the phone just being on Snapchat. But one time while we were in the phone I asked him what he felt about friends with benefits and he said he wouldn't mind doing it and he asked me and I said I couldn't do that because Everytime I do it it always ends badly because I start falling for that person (see my friend with benefits isn't the traditional one; my friends with benefits is doing everything besides sex or head) and he said ok. But that's where it turns the way I didn't want it to and we became fwb.... The one that I do. It was pretty good you know and then last week we stopped doing it and I wondered why but I didn't ask him. Then on Sunday I ask him what he plans on doing for spring break and he says this "fix my chicken house and hopefully go in a date with my girlfriend"............when I tell you my heart sank to the bottom. Tears rolled down and would not stop. I kept thinking "every guy I like is always taken from me". Which I know I'm not dating them but every guy I like I become fwb because I'm afraid of putting my heart out there but at the same time I get hurt anyway not dating them so I don't know I'm wierd. So anyway I'm all sad and miserable and this last till still today and I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to sound like a wierdo but I do and I have dreams about him I imagine him with his girlfriend being romantic, having children, his mom liking her a lot and they become a wonderful family with beautiful children and a happy life.... So can you give me some advice on what to do? Also I want to be friends with him still because at least I get to still talk to him. But I just don't know how to stop thinking about him and get over him. Help?!

[GLYC]

Do you like men with integrity? If so, don't ever date him. He's a cheater.

It sounds like you're attracted to unavailable men. I've had that same thing but with women.


The women who weren't that into me and weren't putting in much effort, but gave me breadcrumbs, I used to be all over that, thinking "I must get them!" It's a bad way to go. Now, I just get turned off from that behavior because it never ends well.

I typically mirror people, if they don't give a shit, I don't give a shit. Works great honestly.
Sometimes people come around, and sometimes they don't. That's just life.

Why waste your time on someone that isn't mutually excited about you.

Also, you need to go for what you want. Don't go for FWB if that isn't what you want.
Be stronger than that.

[DalM0m]

Oh, honey. Your post breaks my heart. In High School you should have no idea what FWB is.

Things with this boy are over. He found a GF which is why he stopped talking to you. At least I'm assuming that is what happened, rather than him using you to cheat on her.

Going forward Never Ever offer FWB to a boy. It is not a path to a relationship. It is a declaration that you don't want all of the emotional entanglements or commitments that come with a relationship. It tells a boy you don't respect yourself & you are willing to "give it away". Stop doing that because it's not what you want. That is why things never end well when you try this. If you want a BF you need to set boundaries & go on dates before you do the physical stuff, like hand holding & making out. Definitely save the more intimate acts for a boy who respects & values you.

[Bbcolz]

DalM0m: I know but what do I do thought stop talking to him?

[DalM0m]

You can stop talking to him, at least in the short term until you get a handle on your emotions. You may not have a choice because once his new GF finds out that he's still talking to you -- a girl he had a FWB arrangement with -- she's probably going to demand that he stop talking to you.

Do be polite to him in school but that involves a tight lipped fake smile & a nod of the head, not a long conversation.

[smackie09]

Hun there are plenty of other boys to be interested in. Ya I know yer mom must have told you that, but it's so true. Distance yourself, and try no contact, you will feel better in a week or two if you work hard at forgetting about him.

[Bbcolz]

smackie09 what do you mean you know her mom? Confused!!!!

[Bbcolz]

I read it wrong nevermind but it's hard to move on and I don't know why! I usually don't act like this with a crush I just move on but this time it's hard to....