You who never arrived

[Ghostintheshell]

This is my story. This is what happened to me and I can't find peace. Sorry for language mistakes, but English is not my mother language. As a child I met a lady, in a particular, delicate circumstance. We were forced to a sort of temporary cohabitation and we strengthened each other for almost a month .. This lady could be my mother, in fact she had a son older than me of six years, of which he always spoke to me, highlights how much I remember him , how many things in common we had. One evening I got to know him, this son. I was just a child or a little more, he was about to leave the adolescent stage. He was shy, elusive, to see him I felt almost repulsion. Then he came over to introduce himself, he gave my hand and we looked into each other's eyes. Here, that was the moment that defined my life
. A fraction of a second, an immense light in his eyes, a voice that told me - One day I will marry you - I do not know what happened to me or maybe I do not remember it, but from that day I grew up with the idea that I would marry him. In fact, that I would have married you, because although I am talking to all of you, I want to address him. I have not seen you, if not three times, but I know you did not notice, because I was a child. Then you left, you changed town, he managed to find out. But you stayed in my mind, you became my story to tell. I could take billions of cooked, I knew I would marry you one day. You grew up with me, without knowing it. I wrote your initials on my Converse, I made little hearts around your name. I fell in love, I loved knowing that everything would be temporary, because one day you would have arrived .. I can not tell you why, but you had to arrive, because it was destiny to want it, because the coincidences were too many, your look .. Well, now I can say it, something like this has not happened to me. I've been looking for you for 8 years, I've been looking for your news. I wondered if I was alive, if I were in love, but above all I was wondering if this hypothetical woman of yours knew she was so infinitely lucky. Thanks to the internet, I found you. Thanks to the internet, I talked to you and you remembered me. But you know, I was still too young, but above all I was too happy to have found you .. You know, I could not believe it, a dream come true! Maybe I scared you, no, take away maybe, I'm sure .. And after a few short talks we have not written anymore. But then .. I went forward, as always, but despite your eluding me, I never stopped believing a second to the red thread that binds us. You never knew that you were all of life with me without knowing it, you never knew that I lived with the dream of being able to make that voice come true in the head and heart that I felt that day as a child. But fate is strange, It always play strange jokes when it comes to you. And you decided, one day, to write to me that you are convinced that one day we would meet again, that it is destiny. But your sentences, as an adult, have not been enough for me anymore. And I decided to forget you. For the last 16 years I have decided it thousands of times. But in the end you always come back to me, remember that you exist, that 1000 km away lives the love of my life, a man who, thanks to the internet, I learned to know without really knowing it. Seeing me more and more than we were each other's ideal. I hated you though, you know? A stupid hatred, as if you were aware of the world you are for me, of the dream, of how you kept me alive and refused me. It's not like that, because you do not know anything about this and you'll never know it. Because in my dreams at this time we would have already had to be together, with the children, the bills and the endless trips and concerts. Instead you never arrived. Stay where you are, far away from me, my precious secret, my impossible love, the great dream of my life. I would have loved you even if, seeing you as an adult, you had been blind, deaf, without arms and without legs. I would have loved you at all costs, for those eyes, for that look I would have loved every crooked comma. You never arrived and time passes, I can not dream you anymore, then knock at the door of my mind like an unexpected guest and return to think about how immensely beautiful it would be if one day, even in 10 years, when we're both forty, you came looking for me telling me that for years you dreamed of me but you never had the courage to make me become real. It would be so nice, if you came.

[Hooo!]

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