Advice on getting over bf hooking up with a girl during break up?

[Kaykay]

So me and my boyfriend broke up in December and got back together about 3 weeks later. During that time he had sex with another girl. I found out about this about 2 weeks ago by reading through his old Snapchat messages between him and this girl. I saw her nudes and everything they were saying to each other. Now I am trying to move on from it because we were broken up and he really wants to continue to grow with me. He says he regrets it and did it because he was confused during the break up. We're still young, 21 and 23, so he felt that maybe there was something that he was missing out on which is why he did it (that's what he said). He said he regretted it after and he realized he couldn't replace me, and there was nothing or nobody that made him feel the way he feels for me. I really just want to move on from the situation, but I can't help but feel bothered about the situation. Does anybody have any advice on how to move on from this situation and stop thinking about it so much??

[Brokenheart9989]

You need to remind yourself that you were on a break. He was probably trying to find a way to move on from you at that point. Stay focused on the here and now. Can't change the past.

[DalM0m]

He chose to have a RELATIONSHIP with you. He f***ed her. Big difference.

Listen to his words. He regretted it. She was like a Band-Aid. He sought comfort because he was hurting from your break up. The time of year probably made him feel worse so he took what was being offered. She's inconsequential.

[TheEvilJester]

It really isn't a situation where we can tell you how to get over it. Much like the others, I will also remind you that you two were broken up. So, he technically was not in the wrong. But, you already know that. You said it yourself. You can't help how you feel. If it were that simple, I'm sure you'd flip that magical switch and forget about it.

Hopefully, though, we can help you at least put things in perspective a little. Guys are different. GENERALLY SPEAKING, of course... but guys generally are more sex-obsessed than women. So, guys would often react to a break-up by trying to find somebody else to fulfill their sexual needs. That is often a reaction guys have to a break-up. I'm not saying it's right, nor am I saying it is wrong... I'm just saying it happens. That has no bearing on you or how he felt about you. Heck, it could actually even be a sign of just how much you meant to him. He was hurting enough from losing you that he felt the need to have somebody take away that pain for him, even if for only a brief time.

When it comes down to it, though, if you cannot look past it, that doesn't necessarily make you wrong either. I think I'd sort of be with you in that. I wouldn't want to be with somebody who could so quickly jump into bed with somebody else, no matter their justification. It isn't that they were necessarily wrong for doing it. If it was between two consenting adults, then that is fine. It is just wrong for me, personally. So, if you try and just can't look past it, then maybe that is your answer. Maybe better to move on. Mind you, you should NOT treat him as though he has done anything wrong. Because, again, if you two were officially broken up, then he was technically free to do whatever he wanted. Sure, the break-up wound up being very temporary, but if you two thought it was a permanent, full on break-up, then he did nothing wrong. It just may have been something that is wrong to you personally.

Hopefully, though, in time you will be able to look past it. To realize that he ultimately chose you. Time, and him proving to be trustworthy, is likely all that will finally help you to stop worrying. Good luck to you.

[madotnw_nihs]

I can't give you the advice that you are looking for, but this exact thing happened to me. I broke up with an ex of mine, and she slept with someone else during that time. We got back together sometime after and I found out that this happened. I tried to get past it, but I couldn't. I don't blame her, but it's not something that would bother me for a very long time. It also didn't help that the were pictures of when they slept together. I just can't get it out of my head.

[TheEvilJester]

I can't give you the advice that you are looking for, but this exact thing happened to me. I broke up with an ex of mine, and she slept with someone else during that time. We got back together sometime after and I found out that this happened. I tried to get past it, but I couldn't. I don't blame her, but it's not something that would bother me for a very long time. It also didn't help that the were pictures of when they slept together. I just can't get it out of my head.

If you don't mind sharing, I'm curious what happened in your case. Are you still with her, or did the relationship eventually end again? If it ended again, was it because of this, or at least in part? I'm just curious (again, if you don't mind sharing) because it definitely sounds like a comparable experience to Kaykay's.

[Hooo!]

You love each other
He is honest
What exactly is the problem?