We are in our late twenties, we have been going out for 5 months.
My girlfriend went to visit a friend abroad for a few weeks. They had a falling out, so she traveled to a city an hour away.
She felt lonely and bored, so she asked me is it ok if she used tinder to meet local people platonically.
Me: Well it is a hookup app, so I'm not too happy about this. Remember? How insistent you were at the start that I had deleted it? And I did. Sure there are no other options to meet locals?
Her: But just as friends! It's not just a hookup app! I have met many friends from there.
Me: Listen, I know you are bored, and I obviously cannot stop you... sooo it's fine if you make it clear to them it's a friend-meet, not a date. Just tell me everything in advance and keep in touch with me throughout the evening
Her: okay
...
So we talk a lot about all kinds of stuff except this, then
next evening
Her: Hey wanna see the guy I'm meeting in 30 mins? I'm not into him, of course, he just seems cool.
Me: ...Alright...
Sends photos of the guy, he seems cool. Not super hot, just cool.
Me: okay, so I want you to send me the screenshot of the convo, so I know he knows it's platonic
Sends ONE screenshot, not even the first, nor the last, I can see they were already talking before yesterday.
Me: so you were already talking, when you asked me if I was okay with it? Not cool, not cool at all.
Her: Ugh why are you like this? I am being upfront. I didn't even have to tell you.
Me: Not exactly upfront, you are giving me facts after. You set up a meet. And I don't see that it's just friends, not clear in the convo.
Her: You are being annoying. It's on my profile that I have a bf.
Me: ...listen... fine if you meet him as friends, whatever... one thing I'd like to ask, and this is important, keep me updated. Like we normally have a goodnight call, just call me before I'm going to bed, 2 minutes tops.
Her: No! You are being a needy control-freak. Don't order me around!
Me: I'm not... It's a reasonable request. I would not be happy if the next time I hear of you is tomorrow. I am serious.
This goes back and forth for a few mins, then she said okay, though she says she doesn't like to make calls during dinner.
...
She didn't call. I have called her, but it's a different timezone, they are probably having dinner. No answer.
Tried to sleep. She sends a text an hour later saying good night. Since I'm not sleeping, I call her, finally she picks up. She's walking on the street, I hear the guy in the background. She said she is going home, he is going the same way for a while. I've told her that I am very disappointed she didn't call. She said she didn't want to be disrespectful to the guy by making a phone call during dinner. Good night/ good night we hang up.
Few hours later she drunk texts me saying she wants me only.
In the morning I write a long message saying that she disappointed me, and she is crossing boundaries, and she was being disrespectful to ME, by ignoring my one small request.
She answered, that I am being clingy and tyrannical. That they were just hanging out as friends, with his friends too. It was just a fun night out in town, nothing else.
Honestly, I don't think she cheated. Still, I am disappointed that she ignored me throughout the evening. When I go out she expects me to answer the phone.
Later, eventually, she says she loves me, and she's sorry.
But I am not sure she is truly sorry.
We are having an argument throughout the day, though I think I was being straightforward. I was basically saying to her what I have written here, that the way she handled this was disrespectful, and that I never was jealous of her friends, but now she met a complete stranger from a dating app, and this is a different situation. I want to know details and see screenshots.
She is upset with me, saying that I am a petty, jealous control freak, she doesn't have to show me any screenshots and so on and so forth.
Who is being unreasonable? Do you think it's okay if I ask her to show me all the convos she is having with guys on tinder as kind of an ultimatum?
Oh, one more detail: few years ago she left her then-boyfriend for a vacation fling...