Ex Husband Still Gives Me Gifts

[lyzaphoenix7]

It has been a yr and a half since our break-up. It was not on good terms since he cheated on me with a common friend, and smeared me to his friends and family to preserve his image. He still emails me (i kept my email open for bills and stuff) every now and then esp on special occasions like during my bday and christmas with "i miss you", "you're still the one, "im hurting too" blah blah but I never replied bec of his inconsistencies; I need the time to heal. He sent me gifts and cash too and he had it delivered to my place but I never used it; just stored it in a box in my closet. It is just not the same anymore, and returning it seems immature. Why does he still continue communicating with me and giving me presents even if he is now with this woman?

[Hooo!]

People cheat for a reason
Usually the reason is not that they don’t love you or don’t like you
It’s his way of saying that he still does

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, I don't think why he is doing it really matters. Don't get me wrong. I understand why that is on your mind... but I think the real question is how does it make you feel? Does it make you feel any differently about whether or not you want to give him another chance? I would hope not, since I'd hope your affections could not be bought. You definitely do not sound to me like somebody who could be bought off like that, so I will proceed assuming you cannot.

So, ignoring the gifts... if you think you would want to give him another chance, give him the chance to prove he's changed.... then maybe that is what you do, but with a cautious eye in case of the likely event that he hasn't changed at all. However, if you don't want to give him another chance and just want to move on (which would be my personal advice, by the way) then you may have to tell him that once and for all. I would say maybe just respond to one of his e-mails with something short and firm but fair. Something like:

"Look, we had some great times together, but that is in the past now. I need to move on. I appreciate all you've tried to do, but I have to ask you to respect my wishes. In order to be able to move on, I need you to please stop contacting me and stop sending me gifts. I wish you the best, and good luck to you in the future."

Obviously put that in your own words, but just something short and simple. Simply tell him in no uncertain terms that it is over and he needs to leave you alone. You don't even need to be harsh about it, at least not yet. Hopefully he'll take the hint and finally go away. If not, then maybe the time comes to not be so nice about it... but hopefully you won't even have to deal with that frustration.

Good luck.

[omgtotallyxo]

I don't know why you are complaining, just keep on receiving the gifts. It doesn't hurt you. But if the bastard is getting hella annoying and the gifts are too low-value to be worth it, then block him.

[Minikimini]

How do you feel about your ex? Do you still love him and want to work things out?

[omgtotallyxo]

Don't believe posters here actually trying to encourage her to get back with him. The guy CHEATED On you and smeared your image. Don't give this guy another chance just because he is giving you gifts. Plus, he is dating another women and still trying to seduce you. He is still acting like a cheater.

[Minikimini]

Don't believe posters here actually trying to encourage her to get back with him.

Where is someone trying to encourage her to get back with him? I haven't read that.

I want to know what is the root cause of her not having had this guy on block. Generally speaking, when someone doesn't put a person who cheated on them on block, it's because they actually are not emotionally done with them and want another go at the relationship but won't admit that to themselves or others.

The gifts are all ties back to him and the question is: why does OP require ties, in any form, back to her ex? If she's as done with him as she says she is, this would have been handled the first time he did it.

[omgtotallyxo]

Where is someone trying to encourage her to get back with him? I haven't read that.

You might want to read over Hooo!'s post.

Also, it shouldn't matter how she feels about him. Regardless of how she feels about him, she shouldn't give him a chance. Exploring about how she feels about him leads people into exploring the possibility of getting back with the ex.

[Minikimini]

No, it very much matters how she feels about him because she's the one here posting, not him or anyone else.

What she should or shouldn't do is totally up to her. She's a grown woman who is capable of making decisions in her life.

OP giving him a second chance or not has nothing to do with what anyone here says. I just want her to be honest with herself about her part in what is going on. She's going to end up doing exactly what she wants to do and no one here can stop her.

What she feels has nothing to do with "people" doing anything--that's on them, not OP.

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I'll say this...

I could be wrong, but I don't think Hooo was encouraging her to get back with him or not. Hooo was simply just answering her question. She was curious as to why he was still sending her gifts and still reaching out... he answered that in his opinion it was because HE still cares for HER.

I would absolutely agree, though, that I don't think she should even for a second entertain the idea of getting back with him. My personal opinion/advice would be it is much better to leave somebody like that in your past once and for all.

That said, I do also agree with Minikimini. None of us can tell her what to do or not. That is really her decision to make. We can offer our thoughts and advice, we can hope she'll do what is best for herself rather than allowing a toxic person like that back into her life.... But ultimately the decision has to be hers. Frankly, I sincerely hope the decision she makes is the one most of us are suggesting, but it is her life to live.

[Hooo!]

I think maybe you should read over my post againomgtotallyxo :-)

Yes I just answered what I thought could be a reason for him to still make effort

Im not saying that this has any consequence for her. I don’t even know if there will be a decision or anything.
Im actually not saying anything apart from why I think he is acting this way

I tried not to include any judgement