Should we have a conversation about why we broke up?

[blabla]

Me and this guy met online and dated for 2 months.

We were really close but around a week ago we had an ugly argument about something we didn't agree. He did something I didn't like and he thought he did nothing wrong and was quite defensive and argumentative, I got scared and I broke up with him.

The next day we met so I could return his stuff he left at my house. After I gave him the things, he asked me "that's it"? I think he wanted to talk, but I was really mad at him and said "yeah that's it", and left.

I unfriended him on social media and both me and him deleted all photos of each other from social media. We just didn't delete phone numbers, as I can still see him on whatsapp.

Now a week and a half later I miss him, although I'm not sure I would want to get back together. I would like though to have a proper conversation with him about what happened, because we didn't have one. I guess that would help me (and maybe him too) move on.

I was thinking in adding him again as a friend on Facebook and see if he accepts, before I contact him and say I would like to have a conversation, because at this point I don't even know if he wants to speak to me ever again.

Any advice? Thank you.

[DalM0m]

Why? He doesn't want to know your reasons. You had a fight. He is aware of this. After the fight you broke up. What is there to talk about?

You can offer to talk to him & tell him one more time why you are hurting him but I see no benefit to him for going through that process. It was only 2 months after all. You aren't undoing a 20 year marriage.

[blabla]

I wanted to talk in order to have closure and because we didn't have a proper conversation, only a fight. There were things I would like to have said and I didn't.

I sent him a FB friend request today which he refused to accept, so that to me now is the closure I needed and no more conversation required.

[Hooo!]

My advise: learn how to have an argument without getting at someone’s throat before you go into a relationship again

If you don’t know where to start I would suggest Marshall b Rosenberg nonviolent communication
Id also suggest working on your attitude of inner peace and other beliefs towards disagreements and conflicts

[blabla]

My advise: learn how to have an argument without getting at someone’s throat before you go into a relationship again

If you don’t know where to start I would suggest Marshall b Rosenberg nonviolent communication
Id also suggest working on your attitude of inner peace and other beliefs towards disagreements and conflicts

That's quite funny actually, because he should be the one reading that. It started as a conversation where I tried to tell him about something he did that I didn't like (he showed up at my door 50 minutes before the agreed time) and he was the one that started to get furious and defensive and argumentative.

I was quite stunned at how he reacted to be honest and it made me feel very nervous and anxious and that's why I decided to break up.

[DalM0m]

You got made because he showed up early? Now you want to continue to rake him over the coals for this? Bad bad plan. Learn to get closure without talking break ups to death after the fact

If you have something left unsaid, hand write it on a piece of paper. Do not type it When you are done, put the letter in a drawer. Do not send it to him. Re=read it a week later. When you get to a point where you can reread the letter & not cringe, find a safe space & burn it. Watch the smoke drift away. Use that visual to let it go

[blabla]

You got made because he showed up early? Now you want to continue to rake him over the coals for this? Bad bad plan. Learn to get closure without talking break ups to death after the fact

If you have something left unsaid, hand write it on a piece of paper. Do not type it When you are done, put the letter in a drawer. Do not send it to him. Re=read it a week later. When you get to a point where you can reread the letter & not cringe, find a safe space & burn it. Watch the smoke drift away. Use that visual to let it go

I didn't get mad because he showed up early, I got mad because he thought he was fine doing that. Please notice, I have a 7 year old son that is with me and I need to get him ready for his dad to pick him up. I also run my own online business. So the day before when he asked me what time can I arrive at yours, I told him 3pm so I can have everything done regarding my son and my business.

He knew that and completely ignored it, showing up 50 minutes earlier and when I told him that, he said he sees nothing wrong in that, as in "it's just life". Well guess what, I have a life too and I have boundaries. Telling him "I can meet at 3pm because it gives me enough time to get ready" is my boundaries.

And it wasn't the first time he did that. Other times before he showed up 10 minutes earlier, then 20, then 30, and it was increasing up to 50.

Please also notice that he hasn't met my son yet and that day when he showed up 50 minutes before, my son was still in my house with me, and I didn't feel ready for them to meet yet.

So the way he reacted when I told him that is not right to do, being defensive and argumentative, showed a lot of how he is.

Yes you are right, I guess the way things happened there was all the closure I needed. I'll do that letter thing, it might help. Thank you.

[DalM0m]

I hope the letter thing helps. I get the sense that he's just an early bird. Why couldn't he help get your son ready or have just plopped himself in front of your TV while you finished up?

I get it. You two are fundamentally incompatible if his repeated early arrivals bugged you that much but I think there may have been alternate solutions. You are apart now. Just leave it that way.

[blabla]

I hope the letter thing helps. I get the sense that he's just an early bird. Why couldn't he help get your son ready or have just plopped himself in front of your TV while you finished up?

I get it. You two are fundamentally incompatible if his repeated early arrivals bugged you that much but I think there may have been alternate solutions. You are apart now. Just leave it that way.

I told you that in my previous post. He hasn't already met my son because I felt it was too soon and I wasn't ready for that.

Yes I don't like him to arrive that early, it is abusive and shows no respect to my boundaries. That is a huge red flag to me. It is my house and I said 3pm, that needs to be respected. After all, why did he ask the previous day at what time I would be ready for him to arrive, just to completely ignore it the next day!?

It could have been alternate solutions yes, and my goal was not to break up with him that day, but to have a conversation. The way he reacted, all angry and argumentative, showed who he is. And yes we are apart now.

[pcmaster]

Its funny but that's how it about internet dating. It starts easy and ends easy. Guess because two really different people can meet that way and become close.

[blabla]

Its funny but that's how it about internet dating. It starts easy and ends easy. Guess because two really different people can meet that way and become close.

Not really. Lots of people meet through online dating sites and have wonderful relationships.

[pcmaster]

Not really. Lots of people meet through online dating sites and have wonderful relationships.

Never seen a beautiful ending. All longterm serious relationships I see came from people knowing each other in real life first.

[blabla]

Never seen a beautiful ending. All longterm serious relationships I see came from people knowing each other in real life first.

I met my ex-husband online too, and I was married for 9 years and had a son. So, yes, it was a long-term serious relationship.

Does it really matter where you meet? It really doesn't. What matters is listening to how you feel.

[pcmaster]

In older days it was different. People used to fix relationships. These days they just create new ones. Theres a Next mentality - problems? Find next person to date on tinder in minutes. Just like someone browsing internet pages and get bored in minutes, then swap next page. Same happens in internet dating these days. Back in the day people was more real even on internet. Mentality have changed a lot.

[blabla]

Well I cannot speak for the thousands of people on the Internet, in my case it wasn’t that ‘next’ mentality what happened.

I wanted to have a comversation with him and get into a compromise and by his behaviour (lashing out and being angry and defensive) he showed me who he is and how he deals with things when they are not in the bubble love. That’s why I broke up with him.

I’m not in a hurry for the ‘next’ person either.