Funny Joke Thread ( version 2 ) silly, dirty, puns, whatever you like.

[pcmaster]

A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk.

The head monk said, “You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.”

The man agreed and after the first 3 years, the head monk came to him and said, “What are your two words?”

“Food cold!” the man replied.

Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said “What are your two words?”

“Robe dirty!” the man exclaimed.

Three more years went by and the head monk came to him and said, “What are your two words?”

“I quit!” said the man.

“Well,” the head monk replied, “I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!”

[CantMoveOn]

Q: What did one casket say to the sick casket?

A: "Is that you coughin'?"

[lovebroken]

Bumping mode... all I seen on here is fake accounts made by romance tour people.... tired of it.

[pcmaster]

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord.

It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money.

However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.

[dollhouse]

Haha ^^^^^^^^^^^^ Kids are funny.

[lovebroken]

Lol, I'm the blonde in that scenario.

[pcmaster]

Like rabbits, hares mate prodigiously. One female used to mate with every hare in the field on a rota basis. One day she would mate with all the gentle, considerate hares, and on the next she would have sex with the rough, rude hares. This system continued throughout the year, but sometimes the animals would forget whose turn it was on a particular day, and this could lead to hurt feelings.

One of the kind, sensitive male hares complained to a friend: “I don’t know where I stand with her. All morning I’ve been trying to catch her eye, but she just doesn’t want to know.”

“Don’t worry,” said the friend. “It’s nothing you’ve done wrong. She’s just having a bad hare day.”

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Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station.

The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife. No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. “I couldn’t do that,” he whispered. “Your husband is my best friend!” “Listen, sugar,” she whispered back, “there ain’t nothing in the whole wide world could wake him up now.” “I can’t believe that,” Charlie said. “Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he’ll wake up won’t he? “Sugar, he certainly won’t. If you don’t believe me, pluck a hair out of his asshole and see if that wakes him.” Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife’s side of the bed and ****ed her.

When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn’t long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband’s asshole hairs.

The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: “Listen,

Charlie, old pal, I don’t mind you ****ing my wife, but for Pete’s sake, stop using my ass for a scoreboard!

[breathe123]

Hehehe !

Bumping back to page 1 because of RT FA & other spam on 1st page.

[pcmaster]

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, "Wii."

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

[breathe123]

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

[topazlight]

Q: When does it rain money?
A: When there is "change" in the weather.

[Exeter19]

A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He’s now a seasoned veteran.

[pcmaster]

Not a joke but I find this 6 sec vid funny -

[lovebroken]

^ Who is country boy, little girl is tone deaf, lol.




A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[CantMoveOn]

^^ lol Sad but so true. Someone will always find fault even when there is no fault there to be found.

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Q: What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?
A: Finding out it was traced.


This made me laugh.