No hate please. This is my story.

[chileangirl]

Well, this is a long story and I'm going to give as much detail as I can to be best understood. I met a man and his family in 2012. He and his wife were the new religion teachers at my school. I was in charge of the religion department at school, so I had to talk to them like every day. They were nice to me and I'm this kind of person that likes to help a lot, so they liked me too.

They have three children and between 2012 and 2013 we became closer. Their daughters were 18, 16, and 4. The little one has hydrocephalus. I started going to their house almost everyday. They live nearby my school so after classes they told me to leave with them. Sometimes to meet their daughters, sometimes to practice for the mass chorus, sometimes to baby-sit their lil daughter, sometimes just to chat.

In 2013 I was 18. It was my last year in high school. I started talking a lot with the father. We used to talk every day at school and then chat on Facebook in the evenings. At some point I realized we were falling in love (he was pretty obvious). We used to write letters to each other. He was 41 at that time and I loved his family so I said "Ok, I already know something is happening to us and I don't want that to happen". He wrote the saddest letter where he said he was the adult and that he had to stop this". I cried that day and I said I didn't want us to separate, but that nothing could happen between us.

That same week, he tried to kiss me. I wanted that so much, but I had to tell him that he was wrong and that he shouldn't do that. I got mad. My head was a mix of stuff. Then, two days after that he said "Sorry, I can't help it" and kissed me again. It was my first kiss. I was shaking. It was at school. I didn't say a word this time because I was waiting for that to happen. That day we started our relationship. I forced myself to stop this everytime I could. "We are failing your family, which I consider my family too." I gave up for that summer. Then in march I moved to another city, I was about to start university. He was sad because I left and I was too, but my career was first.

After 7 months of relationship, his wife found out what was happening. He forgot to delete our Facebook chat and she read what we talked about the night before. Of course she and her daughters deleted me from every social media. I got messages from her and his sisters. None of my friends knew about this. I was in the middle of my exams period and I didn't know what to do. He was desperate too. I tried to calm him down. I decided to break up. It was the best. But he didn't want that. Even though he told me (while he was desperate) that he took advantage of my vulnerability and my need of love. I felt so bad about this. I loved his family and I couldn't stop this because I loved him too.

We kept talking and loving each other. He asked me to escape with him several times. But I was the one down-to-earth even though I wanted to. Then he asked me to marry him. I said yes. But I wanted him to divorce fast. I didn't like waiting. I broke up with him in 2016 because I was tired of being "the other". He surrendered. Something changed. His little daughter went into surgery and was away from him for a month. He decided that he didn't want to lose her nor his family so he changed forever. I wanted to go back with him because I loved him, I just wanted things to go faster, but love wasn't in doubt. We tried. But it didn't work. He has broken up with me a thousand times since then. He always comes back, alone, until these days. Of course our relationship has changed and it's not the same. We do not treat each other as we did. I finished university and I came back to my home town, where he lives. We have sex and talk every day. But that's it.

Her wife has found out he still talks to me many times, but he manages to lie. He has a take out restaurant and I help him with some stuff. Well, I've done mainly all the things that has to do with advertisement on the Internet. Facebook page, website, Google, etc. Even the graphics. I don't know why he always comes back. We have risked a lot of things. My sister found out and some other people too and he got furious. But then, after 2 or 3 days, he goes back to normal.

How can I know if he still loves me? Once he said: "I'm sorry for not telling you I love you so much for so long, but it's because I don't want you to have illusions or expectations". I know he's not going to leave his wife, but I can't describe the way I love him. All my friends have told me to break up with him and stuff, but I can't help it.

Another thing. Now that I'm here, we have sex regularly. Once a week minimum. And we don't use condoms, I don't take pills either. We once dreamt about being parents but now the situation has changed, of course.

I really don't know what to do. Please be gentle with your comments. I've already suffered a lot with this whole situation.

[Minikimini]

If you were his wife of 20+ years with 3 children, one of them being a special needs child with health issues and some 23 year old woman who was having an illicit affair with her 41 year old husband wrote us the above message, what would you want us to tell her?

Seriously? You know what you should do. You need to quit lying to yourself that you can't help it. You can. You just don't want to stop having sex with a married man.

It's not like you're not religious and you don't know what you've been commanded to do.

[omgtotallyxo]

This is a situation where an older married man is taking advantage of a younger woman. You were young and impressionable and you fell into this trap for years. It's hard but you have to leave him so that you can actually start something proper and healthy with available men. He won't leave his wife ever. Don't fool yourself into thinking someday he will leave her.

[DalM0m]

Honey he doesn't love you. He's using you. He's taking advantage of your innocence & naivety. There is a reason it's generally illegal for teachers to date their students.

Tell your parents what is going on. Tell your local priest. Those adults will protect you from the predator. You are going to get pregnant with this guy & he's going to leave you & the baby high & dry. You will be disgraced.

[chileangirl]

Yes. I know that. I just want to understand why he keeps going back even though he risks more every single day.

[pcmaster]

Yes. I know that. I just want to understand why he keeps going back even though he risks more every single day.

Exactly. He's unavailable, that's why it is exciting to you. Also, he is chosen by another woman. So that gives him higher value in your eyes. Like gives him more social approval, status.

Anyway, he risks his marriage because he doesn't care. he is bored in his marriage and wants some peach on the side. You are younger so it is easier to manipulate you and you ask less smart questions.

Bottom line is - If the relationship has to be secret then you shouldn't be in it.

[chileangirl]

Tbh, the fact that he is married makes me sad. Idk, I’m not eith hin because this “secret” is exciting. I really wished he was single. And the fact that it’s my first relstionship makes things worse. And it’s not about sex either. I love him to the most and it’s killing me

[pcmaster]

I think you should close your legs and see how long he sticks around without sex. You are in the worst situation here.

[chileangirl]

Yes. Well, we were together for 4 years and I lived 1,200 km from him, so we saw each other when he visited me or when I came home for holidays or vacations. Only this year I moved closer.

[Minikimini]

Yes. I know that. I just want to understand why he keeps going back even though he risks more every single day.

The simple answer is because his wife allows him to come back because, legally, she's his wife and they have 20+ years of mutual interests there that are recognized by the state that he's not going to walk away from without the state taking its pound of flesh from him.

He couldn't do any of this without your express permission.

You have more agency in all of this than you're willing to admit or recognize.

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Yes. Well, we were together for 4 years and I lived 1,200 km from him, so we saw each other when he visited me or when I came home for holidays or vacations. Only this year I moved closer.

You've never been together, my dear. He is married and has been married for over 20 years, which by definition makes him not together in any sort of meaningful way with you.

As I asked above: if you were his wife, what would you want us to tell this other woman about this messy affair?

She has got the upper hand on both of you--a wise woman would recognize this and leave him alone.

[omgtotallyxo]

Exactly. He's unavailable, that's why it is exciting to you. Also, he is chosen by another woman. So that gives him higher value in your eyes. Like gives him more social approval, status.

Anyway, he risks his marriage because he doesn't care. he is bored in his marriage and wants some peach on the side. You are younger so it is easier to manipulate you and you ask less smart questions.

Bottom line is - If the relationship has to be secret then you shouldn't be in it.

I find your responses hilarious. lol You sound like you've been reading too much online player's advice/guide. Majority of women actually don't see the appeal of men who are attached/taken. We don't equate it with higher value or that he is somehow pre-selected.

[chileangirl]

The simple answer is because his wife allows him to come back because, legally, she's his wife and they have 20+ years of mutual interests there that are recognized by the state that he's not going to walk away from without the state taking its pound of flesh from him.

He couldn't do any of this without your express permission.

You have more agency in all of this than you're willing to admit or recognize.

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You've never been together, my dear. He is married and has been married for over 20 years, which by definition makes him not together in any sort of meaningful way with you.

As I asked above: if you were his wife, what would you want us to tell this other woman about this messy affair?

She has got the upper hand on both of you--a wise woman would recognize this and leave him alone.

I mean he comes back to me. His wife doesn't know, or at least she hasn't say a word. I know I can do things. It's just that it's hard for me. I started reading a book called "Exaholics: Breaking your addiction to an ex love". Maybe I'll understand some things with that.

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I find your responses hilarious. lol You sound like you've been reading too much online player's advice/guide. Majority of women actually don't see the appeal of men who are attached/taken. We don't equate it with higher value or that he is somehow pre-selected.

I think the same as you. I don't think he has a higher value by the fact he is married.

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It took me a lot of time to recover after the wife and the girls found out. Because I tried to stop the situation, but at the same time I fell in love so deep it was so hard.

[DalM0m]

I am so sorry that this is your 1st relationship. However, he doesn't love you. He's using you. He only wants the thrill of you. He's a BAD guy. You deserve better.

[cocacola]

I agree he is a predator. Stay away from him- he is too old for you. Its wrong in so many ways.

[pcmaster]

Chileangirl. The problem is that you love him and keep making excuses for him. Like I said he will not stick around without sexual part. If you love someone you are with them even without sex. So that is how you can check how much you matter to him and why he is actually seeing you.