no games, but it feels like that's what you have to do... why?

[broken-confused]

Hello ladies. Just curious about something here. In all the dating i've done. (i'm 45 and been married and in one other serious relationship. dated around a bit before and after). All the women i've talked to want an honest and open guy. Someone that tells them how he feels and what he wants. A genuine good man.
Well it always seems like you start seeing someone and show them that you are a good man( I think i am). I've been the type to go the extra mile to show that i care and treat a woman like she should be. Not falling all over her, but doing little things and even big things sometimes to show her that she is important. Like leaving a note once in a while somewhere where she will find it later. taking mental notes on her likes and dislikes and remembering that stuff. noticing if she wants something and sometimes getting her that out of the blue just because. surprising her for lunch. Opening doors for them, ect... I just like to do that kind of stuff. Oh and in bed... well lets just say that i'm not happy unless she is. I'm not saying I'm Mr. Big stuff or anything, just that one of my biggest turn ons is knowing that she is. To me that's what it's about. Both people having as much pleasure as possible. Whether it's a lot of foreplay, touching, anticipation or excitement. Or whatever.

So you meet a woman, they say they want all that, then they don't. I may be an ignorant man. I know a lot of woman crave a bad boy that's kind of a jerk sometimes or well not really a jerk, but someone that doesn't do what i do. I just believe in treating my lady right and making her feel like she is the most special one in the world. I love doing that. So why is it so hard to find a woman that likes that and appreciates it without her getting bored i guess. I know you got to keep it spontaneous and not too much attention, but it feels like it's a guessing game. do i back off today and make her wonder where i'm at or what i'm doing or does she want me to contact her most of the day. very confusing for this guy.

Really hard. I'm sure you get this a lot. If you all could give me some answers that would be fantastic. Thanks

[omgtotallyxo]

You are 45, I suspect women in their 30s and 40s play less games. So, don't do the immature "bad boy" stuff. A person like you might not even pull it off anyways.

But do have boundaries, know what you want and don't want. Women likes men who has opinions of his own.

In terms of the frequency of contact. How much really depends on the person. If you want to see her, let her know. But don't be pushy about it. If you sense she is more the independent type, then back off a bit. Adjust to how she reacts to you. It's common sense but the key is to pay attention to her reaction to your advances.

[cocacola]

I hear you I am a 43 year old woman and feel like I have to play games often. Seems to me your doing everything right. I think if you feel you have to play games its a forced relationship and not good because it doesnt flow. I just got out of one of these and it didnt end well and I decided it was forced because I felt I had to play games. I have had relationships where games were not necessary. And thats the kind of relationship you should look for.

[smackie09]

Maybe this will help: stop bending over backwards, and let them earn it.

[GLYC]

Yeah, there's a great balance you have to find.

Remember, women have you on "relationship/dating probation" when you first meet them.
You should do the same. Don't give your heart away so easily. Your problem is it sounds like you care TOO MUCH.

There's nothing wrong with being sweet and charming. But don't have a pleaser mentality.
Create fun dates that you want to do, and invite them on your fun bus.

The only nice guys that finish last are spineless pleasers.
The ones that walk around on egg shells at all times. Women want an equal, not a butler.

The draw of the bad boy isn't that he's a jerk. It's that he has his own opinion, and he's not afraid to disagree. Women love a man that has his own opinion, and is strong/centered. Which, doesn't mean and shouldn't be confused with being a jerk to women.

Like i said, you just need to find a good balance. Being a gentleman is great, and so is treating women well. But don't be afraid to disagree at times when you actually disagree with them.

Have a life of your own that you enjoy. Women aren't the center of a great life. They're a supplement to it.
A great woman will only benefit it.

- Also. With games, I wouldn't play games. Women can sense games, they're way more intune with smaller social queues that most men. That'll just turn her off because you're being inauthentic. And while I realize your authentic self may not be entirely like how I described, but holding yourself to follow that example will just make you a better person in all aspects. (And you can still be yourself, you'll just be a better version of yourself)

[itina]

I suspect women in their 30s and 40s play less games. So, don't do the immature "bad boy" stuff. A person like you might not even pull it off anyways.

I think so too

[broken-confused]

Yeah, there's a great balance you have to find.

Remember, women have you on "relationship/dating probation" when you first meet them.
You should do the same. Don't give your heart away so easily. Your problem is it sounds like you care TOO MUCH.

There's nothing wrong with being sweet and charming. But don't have a pleaser mentality.
Create fun dates that you want to do, and invite them on your fun bus.

The only nice guys that finish last are spineless pleasers.
The ones that walk around on egg shells at all times. Women want an equal, not a butler.

The draw of the bad boy isn't that he's a jerk. It's that he has his own opinion, and he's not afraid to disagree. Women love a man that has his own opinion, and is strong/centered. Which, doesn't mean and shouldn't be confused with being a jerk to women.

Like i said, you just need to find a good balance. Being a gentleman is great, and so is treating women well. But don't be afraid to disagree at times when you actually disagree with them.

Have a life of your own that you enjoy. Women aren't the center of a great life. They're a supplement to it.
A great woman will only benefit it.

- Also. With games, I wouldn't play games. Women can sense games, they're way more intune with smaller social queues that most men. That'll just turn her off because you're being inauthentic. And while I realize your authentic self may not be entirely like how I described, but holding yourself to follow that example will just make you a better person in all aspects. (And you can still be yourself, you'll just be a better version of yourself)

Wow, that makes total sense. really sums up my problem, maybe too much in my last relationship. I fell so hard for her that i would just agree with her all the time. Not in the beginning, but as time went on I didn't want to make waves. I felt like if i did what she wanted that things would be good. I can see know how that would get old and seem spineless. I know if i was with someone that only wanted to do what i wanted and never spoke up, they would seem clingy and needy. Damn, Hindsight is a bitch. What's funny is before my last relationship, i wasn't like that. I think i was so afraid of doing anything to "upset" her that might piss her off that i just withheld everything. Man, what a realization of myself. Really wish i could go back in time and have a talk with myself. Thanks for your input. I guess in a nutshell, i stopped being myself and was just trying to please her all the time, and quit doing for me as well. WOW. what i would of given to learn this about myself about 8 months ago. Thanks again.

[GLYC]

Wow, that makes total sense. really sums up my problem, maybe too much in my last relationship. I fell so hard for her that i would just agree with her all the time. Not in the beginning, but as time went on I didn't want to make waves. I felt like if i did what she wanted that things would be good. I can see know how that would get old and seem spineless. I know if i was with someone that only wanted to do what i wanted and never spoke up, they would seem clingy and needy. Damn, Hindsight is a bitch. What's funny is before my last relationship, i wasn't like that. I think i was so afraid of doing anything to "upset" her that might piss her off that i just withheld everything. Man, what a realization of myself. Really wish i could go back in time and have a talk with myself. Thanks for your input. I guess in a nutshell, i stopped being myself and was just trying to please her all the time, and quit doing for me as well. WOW. what i would of given to learn this about myself about 8 months ago. Thanks again.

You're welcome, it's really just requires some fine tuning on your end.

And yes, that happens. The way that you're an independent person is usually what initially attracts women. Women love a man that marches to his own beat.


It will feel weird at first if you're not used to disagreeing, but eventually you'll hit that sweet spot. And in a lot of situations, compromising and/or not making a big deal out of things is the way to go. Not falling prey to having a massive ego, etc.

If you're interested, purchase the book "How to be a 3% Man" by Corey Wayne, or watch some of his YouTube videos, they're great. I watched them for years and they really changed my outlook on life, myself, and dating. However, while his work is important and will certainly help, just make sure not to become a robot to it.

Best wishes man.

[cocacola]

I gotta say- not all girls. Im a dif kind of girl, I would love if a guy treated me that way Im not into games. I dont see it as spineless.