He dumped me, i slept with someone else, we are back together. What to do?

[IcyCheesecake]

My boyfriend broke up with me last year because he wanted to work things out with his wife (they were in the middle of the divorce). He told me he cannot be with me anymore, that he loves her and wants to try and make things ok for his kids.

As i was hurt and angry, i slept with someone else after almost 2 months. It didn t mean anything, i didn t enjoy it, i was just so lost and i didn t care about anything anymore.

Fast forward to 3 months after our break up, he came back and wanted to be with me, his divorce was final and he said to give it a try.

Because i love him, i gave this a chance and i also told him i had slept with someone else in the 3 months we were broken up.

It s been 6 months since we are having this problem, i have told him everything, he just doesn t seem to let this go. We decided to not end the relationship, but he is still angry with me, we are having good days-bad days, he doesn t like that i had sex just like that, that another man touched me, we had sexual problems at some point, sometimes i get rejected sexually or he doesn t have sex with me because he "sees me having sex with the other guy" ETC

I have read some threads on the internet about this and it seems there are men who have issues about this.

I don t know what to do anymore... I m not sure his judging/condemning attitude is going to give us a good result for this. I told him that as long as he thinks that what i did is so horrible and that if he keeps seeing me as some horrible woman, he will never get over it.

Please, if there is someone who s ever been in this situation, what did you do? How did u handle it? Did u get over it? How? What can i do?

Thanks

[minimee729]

Hi Sweetheart,

I hope you're doing alright.

I've been through something similar and I can totally understand your situation. Lets get a few things straight, HOW CAN HE BE UPSET when he was the one who went back to his wife and wanted to work things out? It wasn't like the relationship with you was on hold. He left and you did what every women would do. Move on. You didn't know that he would come back and try it with you again eventually. Its not in his right to be upset or have any type of attitude when he is messing around with his wife at the same time? The guy that I used to date who was going through a divorce always said that him and his wife are not sleeping with each other anymore but we all know thats a lie ;D so I told him straight away if you wanna work out things with me, I'll be here but im not waiting for you or stop dating just because you're indecisive.

If he really likes you , he will forget about that and try to work things out with you . I mean you also took him back after he left you for this wife.

I hope this will help you a bit.

Cheer up sweety

[DalM0m]

Look up the definition of the word hypocrite. Tell him to get over it or dump him. He's being ridiculous.

[madotnw_nihs]

I will give you a guy's perspective and a similar thing happened to me.

I broke up with my ex. It wasn't because I was interested in someone us, but because she lives half way around the world. After a couple months, we decided to get back together. After being back together for a couple months, I got a message from someone who took pictures of my ex having sex with someone else during our breakup.

I know everyone will say that it shouldn't matter since I broke up with her. She also doesn't need to tell me who she slept with.

However, I can't unsee the pictures or get it out of my head. I can't tell you if I never have seen them, if I would still be with my ex. Anyhow, I broke up her after that.

[cocacola]

You were on a break- you did nothing wrong.

[Hooo!]

So just to summarize
He quits the relationship because he LOVES someone else
You live your life
Then he takes you as second option and he is angry because you didn’t wait out for him?

The thing that i don’t get is: what do you even see in the guy?

[meloveu]

Amen! Double standard.

[TheEvilJester]

I'll put it this way.... I definitely agree for the most part with the majority consensus you seem to be getting. ...But, I can also agree with madotnw. If your ex personally isn't okay with the idea that you were with somebody else so quickly, then he can't necessarily help how he feels. If that is make or break for him, then that doesn't make him wrong. ....BUT (BIG but here), it does NOT make you wrong either. Not one iota. As others have said, you two were broken up. From that moment he had no right to have ANY opinion about what you did.

So, you were absolutely NOT wrong. Maybe it is wrong for him. Maybe that, to him, is a problem. If so, fine. He should let you go. What is absolutely NOT okay is what he is doing now. Treating you like you did something wrong. You did nothing wrong. He has no right to be upset with you. I know MAYBE it sounds like I am contradicting myself, but I'm really not. I think of it like this. Let's say I meet a gal and we hit it off.... but then we learn we are not sexually compatible at all. She's into super kinky adventurous stuff and I'm more just a meat and potatoes kind of guy in that regard. Does that make her wrong for being so adventurous? Of course not. Does it make me wrong if I'm not? Of course not. But maybe we aren't right for each other.

So, MAYBE for him, somebody who could be with somebody else so quickly after a break-up is a deal-breaker. If so, fine. But you were an adult allowed to do what you want once you two broke up, so he has no right to treat you like you did anything wrong. I think if I were going to offer you advice, I'd say you make it clear that you two need to move on from it, or you will have to do what is right for you even if it means leaving him. I'd put it fairly but firmly.

Something like "Look, we were broken up and in my mind I thought we were over for good. If it upsets you, I am sorry for that, but I didn't do anything wrong. So, I do understand if you need to work through it, but either work through it or let me go if it is too much of a problem for you. I understand if that is something you cannot personally look past, but I don't deserve to be treated like I've done something wrong when I did not." Something like that, basically. Put that in your own words, though. As best you can don't try to let him make it an argument. Just state your peace very calm, fair, and firm.

But, bottom line, if he can't let go of it, then maybe you'd be better off letting go of him. Good luck to you either way.