Originally Posted by
Brokenheart9989
I was sleeping with a guy as a fwb. But we would do more than just sex. Cuddling, kissing, talking for hours, hanging out, doing stuff together, sleep overs, etc.. I told him i had feelings. He said we were supposed to just be friends and the sex was temporary. I told him i couldnt be friends because i had feelings. He got angry and said he was hurt. He said he valued the friendship and would have stopped the sex for the friendship. We ended everything.
A part of me feels bad and wants to be his friend, for his happiness. But i cant help but think about my happiness too. I know i would feel hurt while being his friend. Especially if he started dating other women etc., which is inevitable. Why do i feel bad about my decision to not be friends?
Because you want more than friendship with him and now that avenue is closed---but you stood in your truth and took the buttwhippin' for it, which is always better than living a lie.
As you wrote: "I was sleeping with a guy as a fwb. He said we were supposed to just be friends and the sex was temporary. He said he valued the friendship and would have stopped the sex for the friendship. We ended everything." You changed up the parameters and didn't let him know at the point when you were changing them. He didn't sign on for a full on relationship--he signed on for all the perks and none of the obligation, which is what a fwb is.
I think that at the point where you found your feelings changing, you should have spoken up and said "I'm starting to feel a way about you and I need to step back from all of this cuddling, hanging out and rein myself and my feelings back in" and taken that space, you'd have been able to maintain the friendship.
why do i feel so bad about everything?
Because you wanted what you wanted and now you can't have it. But it frees you up for the next guy who will want what you want.
FWB's really don't work unless both parties do not want the obligation of relationship and are crystal clear on that. If at anytime you feel "well, we're doing all these couply things together, surely he's changed his mind" and you proceed in action based on that line of thinking, you're setting yourself up for some hurt.
Last edited by Minikimini; 07-05-18 at 04:53 AM.
People treat you the way they feel about you
If you choose to remain with someone who doesn't treat you well, you cease being the victim and become the volunteer.
~Derrick Jaxn -- look him up