Normally Abnormal, or Just Abnormal?

[seekerof]

Hi Forumers!

I write to you in hopes of getting some unbiased advice, as well as to hopefully gain some insights on your guys' experiences in a similar area. Thanks in advance! (I'll try to condense as much as possible, though short stories are not my forte).

I have an ex of about 4-4.5 years ago that lasted about 4 years. He was my first real relationship and a lot of firsts for me. He was someone I truly loved. Since we broke up, we've both had relationships. Me, I've had one serious relationship and he's had a few not-so-serious relationships. Since the breakup, we've had our cycles. We go through periods of not speaking-but then picking up right where we left of when we resumed. We have shown numerous times that we can remain friends (even giving each other relationship advice) but eventually, something always giving way where it becomes too complicated. Our feelings and magnitude of feelings for each other were never the problem. We have some deeper connection that always made it obvious we'd be connected-we both just were never sure how. There was always the underlying understanding between us that there was always too much there between us to ever be just friends or absent from each other's lives entirely, yet too much from the past to ever just start over. It has, and always has been a complicated dynamic.

As of a few months ago, one of the last times we had a conversation was where he specifically told me he doesn't know how he'll ever be able to move on from me completely because I'm so much a part of him. Fast forward to approximately one month later, and he has a new girlfriend. Now, again, this is not the problem. We've both had other relationships since and even have helped each other out and given advice with them. However, this relationship seems much different for him. He seems very serious about her in a very short amount of him and her similarities to me are uncanny in many ways. My other point of contention is that since the start of their relationship, he has completely ignored me and blocked me out of any conversation with him. While I do understand why, I do feel very hurt. Especially given our last conversation where he expressed in detail how much I mean to him and always will. I know as an ex girlfriend I don't deserve any heads up or explanation but we've been far enough removed from a relationship dynamic and friends for such a long time and someone who's still been through so much even since our breakup, that part of me does feel like I deserve an explanation.

Part of me wonders if this is just the normal feelings of slight "jealousy" (if that's even the right word) when your ex moves on, or if it's been this long removed, if this is not normal to still feel this way after all this time. When I think to any of his other relationships since me, I never felt this deep pit at all. Sure, it wasn't my favorite thing, but something inside always told me it wouldn't last. My gut with this one tells me that it will or is going to.

I've had other exes who have moved on and it sucked but nothing like this. We have both always said we were meant to be in each other's lives always, but the lines of how we were in one another's lives always cycled and changed.

So, what are your guy's experiences when your "the one" finally moves on? I think my outlook on this would absolutely be different if we had just broken up and that was that. But we have always remained in one another's lives and most importantly, we have had just as strong of bond after our relationship ended than during. Part of me feels like giving him hell for blocking me out because he wouldn't do that to any of his other friends and I've been a better friend to him than any one else and part of me wants to just take a backseat. Part of me wonders if the fact that because I see this relationship actually being legit in comparison to all the others, is it finally just sinking in he's truly gone?

Any experiences of your own would be greatly appreciated, and any advice on my situation is also majorly appreciated.

THANK YOU!

[lovebroken]

Hurts with him because you never let go of him or him of you, you keep going back, never only truly just being friends with no romantic emotional feelings involved because you still have those emotions involved this new relationship he has bothers you more because you can see the possibilty of the end of you and him and it scares you in a way. I would brace for her tellign him not to tlak to you again, or see you in person again especially if he talks about you a lot to her atm. Sadly, he will obliged her and just prepare for what is inevitable.

[bunnyhabit]

i think your feelings are very normal. the fact he found someone very similar to you is enhancing the jealousy. he said he is having a hard time getting over you. finding someone very similar to you will make his transition to her very comfortable. he may be able to forget you by using her as your clone. this is probably scary for you to handle. don't give up and fight for his affection to return to you.

[DalM0m]

People's first loves hold a special place in there hearts but that doesn't man that nostalgia is a good reason to try again.

[Hooo!]

What do you want?

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I can understand the thought process behind wanting to remain friends with an ex, behind not wanting to completely remove a person from your life who once was so important in it. ...BUT... this is exactly one of the main reasons why I personally think it is best just to cut ties. Even when there is no ill will, you two parted as amicably as a couple possibly can, rarely is it ever a good idea to remain just friends.

To me, it sounds like as result of that, you never really moved on from him. You may think you did, but you really didn't, and whether you realized it or not, that has kept you from finding your real "THE One." Because, he was NOT your "THE One." If he was, you two would be together. You wouldn't have broken up, and especially not remained as such for 4 years.

It really is best to make a clean break. So, no, it isn't abnormal at all how you are feeling now. It is understandable. And, believe me, I know how hard this may be.... but you'd probably be better off just letting him go completely. It isn't like you have to tell him off and say "Get out of my life forever" or anything like that. But it really would be best if you two just go your separate ways once and for all. If you happened to run into each other at some social event, you can be polite and say "hi, how have you been" and all that. It isn't like you have to avoid each other like the plague, but you would likely both be better off just to make the clean break now that you probably should have made all those years ago. That is at least my opinion, but you do have to do what feels right for you personally. I can only tell you what I would suggest, but can't tell you what to do.

Good luck to you in whatever you do decide.