I love my partner, but he is a man child.

[Onionskin]

I’ve been with my partner for 14 years. There is a 17 year age gap between us (I am 35 and he is 52 – we met when I was 21 and he was 38).

I like his company, but sometimes I feel like I’m living with an 18 year old. He has never once cooked himself a meal and he lives on snacks and sandwiches (the only time he eats well is when I cook for him). I cannot seem to make any long term plans with him that exceed more than one day in advance. He is forever promising to clean things up that never get cleaned. Any time I attempt to discuss these things with him I’m labelled a nag.

I feel like I have outgrown him and the relationship, which sounds strange considering our age difference. I want to be an adult. I want to go to dinner with friends and make plans and not live in a home that (5 years on) looks like we just moved in due to the mess he’s made.

I am sick of this “Oh, you know men; they never grow up” garbage as well. There seem to be constant excuses for men remaining immature and irresponsible. It’s as bad as “boys will be boys”.

I’m not sure what to do.

[Onionskin]

Is anybody there?

[GLYC]

I agree, it's an issue. It sounds like the fact is that he may never change. Which is a bummer.

I've had certain friends that were like this as well, always making excuses, never putting in any effort into becoming something better. The reality is, not all people value self improvement. The danger of putting yourself around these people, is that they often won't be helping lift you up and giving you fuel, they will actually rob you of your enthusiasm. Someone who is always chasing their goals, is motivated, disciplined, those people, just being around them, will provide you with enthusiasm.

Really all you can do is talk to him, but another method is. Try to get him to commit with you as a teammate. Take cooking courses with him, got or workout with him, start cleaning and say "honey I could use some help".

That can be a great way to lovingly push him in the right direction. You can give him some words of encouragement as well. Compliment him after he's done working out, even if he isn't seeing a ton of progress or anything it's all about being a great cheerleader. "God, you look so hot with your muscles worked up like that" lol.

I'm not saying this is an ultimate means. Because ultimately, it is up to him. You can give some people all the tools, but if they don't actually pick the tool up for themselves, they'll never be able to do it.

[subchief96]

Just try to talk things over with him.

[MartinOhm]

If you are a woman who does not like manchildren. You should just leave him.