Confused

[Jen89]

I met a guy on a dating app last summer. We didn’t actually meet up in person until December but spoke regularly. By the first two weeks of January we were official. I met his family and we saw each other regularly. He is very hot headed and his family said I was really good for him. He made me feel extremely special, showered me with affection we spoke about a future. He opened up to me about things that had happened in his past and whilst we were getting to know one another properly, things that on there own, might put a girl off. He confessed early February that a situation from his past has reared its head and was likely to cause a problem and felt that the right thing to do was tell me all. I won’t go in to detail but it was bad enough for me to walk away shocked and upset. After not much consideration, I decided that I wanted things to work out between us and stuck by him. To say that the following two months were stressful would be an understatement and he ended up in therapy. Throughout the situation he thanked me for being his rock, being amazing and understanding. We got through the situation although at times his stress levels were through the roof. Affected him at work, his health etc. Alongside this, pressure and uncertainty mounted at work (he has a high pressured job).

One day, after giving me the silent for treatment for two weeks, due to the high levels of stress, he asked to meet me and said that he had been offered a contract abroad and was going to get away from everything going on. I was devastated that he wasn’t going to try with our relationship despite telling me that he had thought I was the one.

We had a holiday booked for the following week and asked if he’d like to go as friends. He agreed and we went. We had a good time and had a chat on the last day. He said he was in a better place and would like to see where things went when we returned.

For three more weeks after our return, we dated and things quickly slipped back to him being affectionate and loving, he even thanked me for not allowing him to throw away what we had mentioned starting a family and then bang. One week later.....The old situation reared it’s head again and coupled with the drawing closer of his current contract he withdrew. He started being blunt with me so one night i said I’d give him some space. He didn’t reply....

My crippling anxiety caused by a) the way I was treated by a previous boyfriend and b) having feelings that history was repeating itself I started to panic and sent him a message the following evening asking if we were ok and my fears that he was going back to his old ways. His response was not great he went on about how stressed he was and that I wasn’t sticking by my word to give him space.

The following day I apologised and asked to meet him to discuss things face to face. He said he had nothing to add and in response to my question ‘so that’s that then?’ he replied ‘looks like it doesn’t it - out of nowhere’. I replied saying I didn’t want that also that I’d never felt it the right time to tell him about my anxieties and why I can sometimes worry unnecessary. He didn’t reply.

He took down his whatsapp display pic and proceeded all weekend to spy on my Snapchat posts and then post strange cryptic messages on snapchat about - sorting out his future, another about having a clear out of contacts on snapchat. I didn’t contact him and now today he’s put another about changing his number. I’ve held firm but I don’t understand why if I’m the problem, he doesn’t just reply to my last message saying he couldn’t care less, block me and get on with his life. Why does he keep posting dramatic things?. Have I pushed him away by opening up to him? I know I should walk away but I fell in love with him so deeply because despite the picture I may have painted, we do have a lot of fun. We laugh non stop when we’re together.

Should I just wait to see if he contacts me, does it sound like he’s just too stressed, trying to get my attention because he’s used to me trying to contact him or should I just walk away because he doesn’t care about me.

[smackie09]

Why would you waste your time on someone that makes your anxiety go through the roof? OCD much? Let him go. This isn't good for you, and you can do without the games. There's a nice honest guy out there for you, you just have to find him...energy well spent. I know you are crazy about this person, and he seemed to get you hooked BUT it's not feeling right, and it's not because of you. It's because of his hot cold behavior. He may say it's stress, but there is a possibility he's not all there for you, if you know what I mean.

[KimmyO]

While it feels you won't make it without him, you will and you will find love again. It is really important to protect your heart and self! We all have issues, but his sound serious and heartbreaking thru time, esp with your background. I would block him so he can't be playing passive aggressive games with you online. Better to make a clean break and not feel jerked around. Sorry for your hurting heart, but you will be better with one who loves fully and faithfully. <3

[Hooo!]

What do you want?