Advice

[KM11121995]

Basically I screwed up, I was seeing a girl for about a month or so and then she went to magaluf and I had said she had a free pass do what she wants etc cause I know she booked it before we met etc! But after the first night she wasn’t well and FaceTimed me and was really dehydrated so I stayed on FaceTime and told her what to do and for the rest of the holiday I kept wanting to make sure she was ok etc and it came off really needy and clingy! And now she’s decided to stay in magaluf for the season... I was devistated when she told me because I fell hard for this girl and I want to be with her! But I don’t know if I’ve pushed her too far away now! She’s due back in October and I’ve told her I’m gonna wait for he and not crack on with anyone else or anything cause I think she is amazing! And now I’m feeling really anxietious every time I think about it like have I made the right decision ? What if she comes back and still thinks I’m that clingy guy? I really don’t know wht I’m doing! I can’t talk to anyone else, I find myself looking through old snapchat stories with her in them thinking f*** I want her! We have so much in common and I really don’t want to lose her ! So basically ... have I made a good choice ? What do I do now ? Give me advice please !!

Km

[warriormaiden]

I don't understand how you checking in on her, comes off as needy and clingy. Did she tell you that she felt like you were being clingy?

[KM11121995]

I don't understand how you checking in on her, comes off as needy and clingy. Did she tell you that she felt like you were being clingy?

she did after it! When she told me she wanted to stay I was like aw ok and I think she took it as that I didn’t think it was ok but i was just in shock

[TheEvilJester]

Hmm... Well, let me ask you this. If you take a step back and are honest with yourself... do you think you may have over-done it keeping in touch with her/checking up on her? I only ask because I could fall on one of two sides on that part of the story. Either you can honestly say that you over-did it a little (and then it is within your control to show her you can learn a better balance)... or it is also entirely possible you did NOT over-do it after all. That maybe it was HER who over-reacted to you just taking an honest interest in keeping in touch with her.

Maybe think of it like this. If a good friend of yours was in the situation instead of you and they came to you for advice, what do you think you'd tell them? Would you think your friend had maybe checked in with his lady too much, or would you think he'd been perfectly reasonable and that his gal was over-reacting? Important distinction because if what you did was perfectly acceptable by most people's standards, then maybe the problem is actually HER and not you. Maybe she's not into the relationship enough and you'd be better off just moving on... at least until she comes back home.

Another question.... where did you two officially leave it. Are you considering yourselves still together or are you considering yourselves free to date other people while she's away and you'll see where things are when she gets back?

If you've told her she is free to do what she wants while on her trip, then you should be free to do the same. It certainly wouldn't be fair for her to be free to date anybody she wants and yet you are expected to just sit there and wait for her. So if that is the case then I would personally suggest you do exactly that. When she gets back you can always see where things lie then, but if she's not necessarily waiting for you why should you just sit around and wait for her?

On the other hand, if you two did agree that you are still together and you have/had no intention of changing that, then I'd say just give it time. Stay in touch with her, but not TOO much. Show that you are interested and still want to keep up with her, but also that you can let her have a life of her own and that you have one of your own as well. And, perhaps even more important... Take that time for yourself. Don't just sit around being miserable and waiting for her to get back. Hang out with friends, find some fun new hobbies, or do whatever you love. Those sort of things can help you to feel so much less desperate in a relationship because, though you maybe still want the relationship, you are better able to realize that you don't necessarily NEED it. In other words, it would be great if it works out and things go well... but you'll see that you will be okay even if it does not.

Best of luck to you.

[KM11121995]

Thanks I’ll take that ok bored but in all honesty I don’t see me with anyone else now ... she’s perfect and I’m now just scared I’ve F**ked up forever! I’m going to play it cool and not message her until maybe 2/ 3 weeks in just hope she’s well etc but nothing more really! I don’t know if I’m an idiot or romantic but atm I feel this is all I can do ... I don’t know what to do in all honesty! I don’t want to be out there Dating girls because I know it won’t go anywhere and I don’t want to have sex without meaning!

[Hooo!]

You want her for yourself
But it’s like you wanting to win a bet on eBay
Checking all the time if the price is still ok

But women ain’t stuff on eBay

If you come of as creepy clingy guy in the friendzone then you need to stop being clingy

Telling her you gonna wait for her-as if she would be coming back to you. You have no right to wait for her

Go sleep with someone else. Go enjoy life

And if she comes back in October you will see or not if you both still want to be together

[KM11121995]

I’m happy for her to go meet other guys etc atm that wasn’t the issue she’s been through stuff in the past and I know she wanted to let loose that’s why I told her! But yeh I do agree I want her to myself... she’s a special girl and I don’t know why I’m going to do cause everytime I think back I feel she’s already gone

[Hooo!]

Which she has

So stop being the cling guy

Accept that she can make her own decisions.
She knows now that you want her
And it’s up to her to make a move.
Which will most likely not come.

Therefore just go and get some. And then see what happens.
Who knows, perhaps you find your dream girl while you are at it

[KM11121995]

That hurt ... suppose it’s true but! I ****ed up and this is how it ends up

[smackie09]

You are clingy because you haven't met the right person. All you are doing is obsessing...that's girl repellent, and unhealthy. If she's the right girl, she will reciprocate the same as you....this one no. She stayed...that should tell you where her priorities are at...not with you. Feelings wise you are not on the same page, so this would never have worked out anyways. Sounds to me she put you in the friends zone.

It hurts but stick her on the back burner for now, and carry on with your life. The less you think about her, or stop using her like a drug to make yourself feel good, those feelings will dissipate. Work hard at it, and in a few weeks you will be chasing someone else.

[KM11121995]

Tbh I really really don’t want anyone else ... to meet someone you have so much in common with is soo rare and we had everything in common honestly not a single thing out of place! So I don’t care if it makes me miserable because if I have a chance of being with her when she comes back I’m going to do it! I think she potentially is the one ...

[smackie09]

see ya in 3 months......

[KM11121995]

Thanks! I hope it’s worth it ... wish me luck

[Hooo!]

There is no „the one“

And you don’t want anyone else because youvare infatuated by an idea of a ideal person with her face.
However she is not the person you want her to be
You just hold true to that nonexisting untrue version of someone.

[KM11121995]

In my opinion there is a “one” and she’s it! I was so lucky to find her! I ****ed up and I want her back! I’d give my left testi to have her back lol! I’m gonna keep trying cause If I don’t i could regret it all my life! She’s the person I want to see the world with