What does he want?

[elisemies]

So, I have a situation I'm curious to hear your thoughts about.

I matched with a guy on an app and we started chatting. The conversation flowed and from the pictures I thought he was very attractive.

Normally, I would have cut to the chase and gone out on a date with him, but apparently he lives in Bermuda 50% of the time (I'm in NYC) so that's tricky. He did invite me over as a joke but frankly I like for first dates to be within my neighborhood. I would have cut it off there but we switched to WhatsApp and the conversation is really interesting. We seem to have a few interests in common (meditation, traveling, mythology, tango, reading etc) so he's very easy to chat with and we did video call about 6-8 times now and there's some weird chemistry ("weird" because I have never actually met this guy).

There's no way I will go over to Bermuda, and this will probably just fizzle out on its own, but I'm curious. What's in it for the guy? Do you think he just chats with me because he'd bored? The conversations are not about sex, but since it doesn't look like we're ever going to actually meet, what is he thinking?

Just curious to know if anyone has been in this situation before and why. I don't have any expectations (or at least I'm telling myself that haha).

[smackie09]

He's hoping for sex...it's only early stages....soon enough it will turn to sex and he will start asking for nude pics. So why waste your time?

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[TheEvilJester]

I don't know if I am as willing to jump to that conclusion yet. I mean, if he is just in it for sex, this certainly seems like a lot of effort just for that. Why wouldn't he just find somebody closer? I mean, it could very well be that is all he is after. I'm not denying that is a distinct possibility. Heck, maybe he considers the fact that he is away 50% of the time an advantage because he can get with women back home and then disappear to Bermuda for a while once he gets what he wants.

But, that isn't necessarily DEFINITELY all he's after. At least I wouldn't agree that we can draw that conclusion yet. ....BUT.... it sort of sounds to me like that doesn't really matter. I think the important fact here is that he is in Bermuda 50% of the time.... and you yourself said you couldn't see yourself doing that. So, even if we pretend for a minute he sincerely is interested in you... it doesn't sound like the situation would really work out for you anyway.

So, I pretty much agree to the same conclusion even if I didn't arrive there through the same assumptions. Why waste your time? It would MAYBE be different if you could eventually see yourself going to Bermuda with him when he goes there, if things between you became more serious. Or if his going back and forth would eventually end and he'd remain geographically close to you. If neither of those is the case then how exactly would that ever work?

So, you may be better off just moving on. Not that you two couldn't remain friendly, but better that you just assume nothing romantic is going to happen and move on. At least in my opinion.

[Hooo!]

Well everyone enjoys the flattery of a hot woman. And if it's nice conversation and you have some chemistry then what reason would there be to stop what you are doing?

[elisemies]

So, just wanted to follow this up with the solution.

at some point a week or so ago I texted him that he seems great but the distance made this too difficult and that I wanted something healthier.

Aaaaaaannnnddddd.... follows a dick pic saying "this could be healthy too" hahahaha you guys were right. I'm clueless.

hey he did invite me to go to a wedding in Egypt with him after haha. I'm sure that'd be "healthy" too

[smackie09]

hahahahaha that made me laugh. Some of those Middle Eastern guys always sent me dick pics years ago when IM didn't really have any real security settings. My mom was exposure to that crap too. They are just gross.

[elisemies]

He's actually a white, Oxford-educated half Brit half South-African.

Someone must not have explained to him that dick pics make poor props for epistulary relationships...

but hey maybe I found myself an easy friend with benefits when he's in town.

[lovebroken]

If you like your talks with him, keep him in your life for that and the friendship and tell him if HE ever goes to your country and NYC to call you and you both can go out, but don't travel alone to meet him in his country, just to be safe. What did you say after he sent you the dirty picture of himself? I always think if they do that quickly with you, they do that with many others, so lord knows how mnay dick pictures he has shared over time. Definitely not bf material, to me.

[GLYC]

I don't get the dick pic thing. I've never done that, nor will I ever do that.

Sounds like a great way to get blackmailed when, or if things go sour.
Can attest that after receiving some of the female equivalents to those in the past, it also kind of turned me of if I didn't know the woman that well. Id never say it, but my first thought was also, how many people are you sending these to?

[pcmaster]

I don't get the dick pic thing. I've never done that, nor will I ever do that.

Be careful with word "never" lol. Might end being 50 year old pervert sending dic pics to 18 year old girls.

[dawghoused]

I think it will not work if you are want to be in a relationship with him. But, If you really want to meet him you can go to Bermuda or convince him to come to NYC.

[elisemies]

I can't imagine being in a relationship or anything with someone I haven't even met yet.

And the Dick Pic thing is a total turnoff for me too... I just don't get why he would send it! Which is what I asked him too!
WHYYYYYYYY hahaha. He answered that since I didn't want to chat anymore, he thought that might convince me. Oh my God. In what world?

I think I wanted him to be a great guy and now I'm even more disappointed. He's all over the place... from invitations to weddings to dick pics, to videocalls to random videos he sends me (not sexual at all, just out of context)... I just don't get men.

[TheEvilJester]

I, myself, am completely perplexed by the dick pic thing. Especially given how common it is. I mean, obviously it isn't like I'd know from experience... but apparently you basically can't be female on any kind of social media type thing without eventually having some a-hole send you a completely unsolicited picture of his mini-me.

Apparently, women can even have a nice chat with a guy and it will wind up with him thinking that means she totally wants a pic of the D. Does this work for some guys?! I mean, it must or why the Hell would they keep doing it? But, I just cannot understand it. What the Hell would EVER make a guy think that is okay? As far as I am concerned, it should be grounds for legal action. Guys like that should be able to be fined and/or jailed for that. I mean, you'd get in trouble legally for doing that in public.

Anyway, yeah, DEFINITELY sounds like you'd be a million times better off without this guy. Now that he's revealed himself to be a disgusting pig, I think you dodged a bullet there. I, myself, would have been tempted to send a response like "Oh, wow. I didn't realize they made those so small." LOL!

[breathe123]

[MENTION=82757]elisemies[/MENTION] You are better off without the secret pervert. I say secret because he tried hard to hide his real agenda with you & when he felt he was losing ground with you, out came ( hehe) his dick pic. True internet loser, imo You can do Much Better.

[TheEvilJester]

[MENTION=82757]elisemies[/MENTION] You are better off without the secret pervert. I say secret because he tried hard to hide his real agenda with you & when he felt he was losing ground with you, out came ( hehe) his dick pic. True internet loser, imo You can do Much Better.

Honestly, I think that may actually have me even more perplexed. Not like the losers who send unsolicited D picks as basically an ice breaker make much sense either....

But you are basically politely telling him "thanks and goodbye" and he thinks THAT is the time to send a D pick? I mean, did he HONESTLY think that would work? What, like his tiny member has some kind of love spell attached to it or something? LOL!

God, sometimes I am ashamed to be male.