What is the value of having a partner?

[fearoflove]

Hello,

After having went through a serious failed relationship, I began to wonder what is the value of having a partner.

They don't really provide stability as they can leave your ass any time. So the feeling of safety is only an illusion. The reality is that if someone no longer sees the benefit of staying with you, you can't make them stay.

Without the exception of only rare cases, they don't really give you money as most people are not really that rich and people nowadays are very concerned with protecting what is theirs.

They provide sex but as a woman, this is easily available without a partner and many women don't actually need sex.

Living and maintaining a relationship with another person is hard. I see conflicts and fights all the time with couples because they want to make the other person do what they want. Sometimes it gets so bad, people had to break it off to in order to feel peace again.

Some people feel a boosted sense of self worth if they have a partner but a person with a healthy level of self esteem don't even need that sort of validation.

Sure, having a partner is like having a support system where perhaps they might be able to help you out with something in the future. But a self-sufficient person can get by life on their own.

If anyone feel there are really any real benefits of having a partner, please share.

[Hooo!]

What real benefit is there by eating tasty food? You could just be bread and water

What real benefit is there to watching TV or having a pet
What benefit is there to having friends?

The question is: how come you even have any kind of relationship if you measure it in the extend of benefit it brings to you?

I think you are just so hurt and scared of being hurt again, that you seek excuses for yourself so that you can stop being in relationships


And i do not say this to hurt you. I just believe it to be a likely and uncomfortable truth

[lovebroken]

I feel the same way, they either hurt you, leave you, or worse die That is dating, engaged or married to them. I have basically not bothered for a year, I have friends and family, a dog and social groups, I don't care at this point. I may a year from now but for now, I don't need a partner.

[TheEvilJester]

What real benefit is there by eating tasty food? You could just be bread and water

What real benefit is there to watching TV or having a pet
What benefit is there to having friends?

The question is: how come you even have any kind of relationship if you measure it in the extend of benefit it brings to you?

I think you are just so hurt and scared of being hurt again, that you seek excuses for yourself so that you can stop being in relationships


And i do not say this to hurt you. I just believe it to be a likely and uncomfortable truth

Yeah, I'd pretty much echo exactly what Hooo had to say. Believe me, I probably about 110% understand how you feel. I, myself, have often felt the weight of utter hopelessness of love. In my darkest times I have given up all hope that I could ever find love. Any time I've tried, no matter how sincere and open my attempts, it seems only to bring pain.

So why bother? ...Because finding love feels so great that it is worth it. Heck, even if/when it doesn't ultimately work out, it is at least worth it during the times where it was working. Why choose not to enjoy the good times in life simply out of fear of the bad times? The unfortunate truth is the bad times in life are going to exist whether we fight our way to the good times or not. So, why just give up on the good times? Happiness is worth the fight.

I will say this... it is definitely VERY good to work on learning to be happy by yourself as well. I've said this many times and will probably say it many more.... the ultimate goal in life should be to find enough happiness in yourself to not NEED love to be happy.... yet to still want to find it anyway. Maybe right now you'd feel better taking a little bit of a break from love. If so, take that time to fall back in love with the wonderful person that stares back at you from the mirror. The more you appreciate that person, the better you will feel in general. The better you feel, the more positive vibes you put out there without even realizing you are doing it. Believe me, I know this sounds preposterous... but that really CAN make a huge difference in how others perceive you.

You truly never know. The better you feel, the more others pick up on that. Eventually it could even lead to the right person finding their way to you and you find love after all. If not... heck, at least you find ways to be happy even without it.

Don't give up hope. Take it from a guy who HAS given up hope a few times in life. Despair is no fun. Yes, the bad times suck.... but they won't suck any less if you decide not to fight your way back to the good times. So why not enjoy the good times when you can? Best of luck to you.

[Hooo!]

The problem with walls is that it doesn't only keep pain out
It also keeps pain in
And it keeps Love Out too.

[GLYC]

They're teammates, and best friends. A person that wants to be with you through your highs and lows, to cheer you on and encourage you to be your best. And share amazing memories with.

Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever, but some will be.
Love the process regardless.

[TheEvilJester]

Think of it like this too...

You go on a vacation and have a ton of fun. It's awesome, amazing, you make a bunch of great memories, take pictures, etc. ....But then the vacation ends and you go home. You go back to your normal life. So now the vacation is over and you don't get to enjoy it anymore. Was it better, then, to have never taken the vacation? Of course not. Because it was worth it during your vacation, and it brings you happy memories.

Love and relationships may not always work out. Hopefully eventually one does, but often times it takes a lot of finding the wrong person to eventually find the right one. The other thing, too, is that even when you DO find the right one... all relationships experience rough times now and then. Some can endure them, some cannot. ...But you'll most likely never find the one that will last if you give up. Even relationships that don't wind up working out, there was usually at least some time during in in which you were happy. Is it not worth it, at least, for those times?

Take failed relationships as a learning experience. The more you learn from past mistakes (both any you may have made and any exes may have made) the more you will be able to improve yourself and the more you will be able to avoid making the same mistakes (both your own mistakes, and in making the mistake of picking people with the same flaws your exes maybe had). I'm sorry, I know from experience this all probably sounds like a lot of nonsense. But, really, life is short... why spend it miserable? Happiness, whether with somebody or on your own, is worth fighting for.

Good luck to you!

[GLYC]

Think of it like this too...

You go on a vacation and have a ton of fun. It's awesome, amazing, you make a bunch of great memories, take pictures, etc. ....But then the vacation ends and you go home. You go back to your normal life. So now the vacation is over and you don't get to enjoy it anymore. Was it better, then, to have never taken the vacation? Of course not. Because it was worth it during your vacation, and it brings you happy memories.

Love and relationships may not always work out. Hopefully eventually one does, but often times it takes a lot of finding the wrong person to eventually find the right one. The other thing, too, is that even when you DO find the right one... all relationships experience rough times now and then. Some can endure them, some cannot. ...But you'll most likely never find the one that will last if you give up. Even relationships that don't wind up working out, there was usually at least some time during in in which you were happy. Is it not worth it, at least, for those times?

Take failed relationships as a learning experience. The more you learn from past mistakes (both any you may have made and any exes may have made) the more you will be able to improve yourself and the more you will be able to avoid making the same mistakes (both your own mistakes, and in making the mistake of picking people with the same flaws your exes maybe had). I'm sorry, I know from experience this all probably sounds like a lot of nonsense. But, really, life is short... why spend it miserable? Happiness, whether with somebody or on your own, is worth fighting for.

Good luck to you!

I read a previous post where you stated that we both think pretty similarly at times. I'd have to agree.

P.s. this was a Great post man.

[CantMoveOn]

I feel you, [MENTION=63875]fearoflove[/MENTION] and [MENTION=77017]lovebroken[/MENTION].

[TheEvilJester]

I read a previous post where you stated that we both think pretty similarly at times. I'd have to agree.

P.s. this was a Great post man.

Thank you.

And it isn't even just similar. Sometimes it is baffling how similar. Sometimes, I swear I'd think I typed the words if I didn't know it was you. LOL!