Strange 2nd date

[leonuris]

Here's my weird story :

Saw a girl on Tinder. Liked her profile and moved on.

One month later she liked me and replied back. That was in July.

We started txting back and forth. We wrote fabulous lines to each other.

Then we finally met. I travel a lot for work so our "date" got pushed to later.

1st date was good. We met, had a few drinks, a few hugs, a few hand squeeze.

2nd date was 3 days after. She invited me over to her place. I brought flowers, food & wine. We spent most of the night talking (We talked a lot. Family, friends, experience, life, etc....), listening to music then snuggled. She let me hold her hands and kiss her on the cheeks. She did say "not yet" when I asked her permission to ravish her lips.
I left at 9 next morning. No sex. Just snuggling.

Notes about her :

- She works on projects and is super busy 90% of the time.
- She has not dated anyone for a long time.
- She's like super intelligent.
- Self made woman. Tough Cookie.
- She hates disloyalty.
- She's born in January and is 31 this year.
- She's mature and knows what she wants. She's down to earth, sure about herself & ambitious.
- She's ticklish. (Maybe its a defense mechanism)
- She is gorgeous, dirty blonde hair with light grey eyes and a smile to die for. Her eyes are very expressive and full of life.
- She's very family oriented. She keeps in touch with her mom & dad.

Notes about me :

- I am brown dynamite !!
- I am outgoing, fun and weird. A bit like deadpool but less vulgar/abrasive.
- Patient and Intelligent.
- Determined, cunning, and a troubleshooter. Am 34 this year.
- i travel to war torn countries for work.
- Physically i look like a merc/marine.
- Have not dated for 5 years.

Notes about the dates :

- For the first date, i got her natural oils/fragrances which she likes. We had a drink and talked a bit.
She later txted me and said that it was a bit overwhelming for her. She's not used to this. And she feels a bit shy too.

- During the second date she told me a few things :

1. It was actually her friend P who liked me on tinder in her stead.

2. Then her other friend H texted me on her number maintaining the "contact" all the time i was travelling. She also txted me but simpler things, no poetry.

- She asked me if this changed anything. I said no as i like her and i am thankful to her friends that they did this.

- She did not txt me since the 2nd date. That is since Saturday.

- I called her today just to have a brief chat with her. She told me that over the weekend there was a death in her family. I just offered her my condolences and told her that am here for her. And txted her the words i said.

[B]And now ladies and gents :

1. What do i do ?

2. How do i proceed for the next step ?

I considered befriending her 2 friends, P & H as they look like good people plus it would not hurt to have them on my side.

Please assist !!!!

[Hooo!]

Kino escalation

[Gundappa]

Nice story so far. I like it. lol

[Snow White]

Have them on your side for what? What are your intentions?

[TheEvilJester]

- I am outgoing, fun and weird. A bit like deadpool but less vulgar/abrasive.

Well, I dunno about her, but now I kinda love you a little. LOL! Okay, I'm teasing... but that was SO the right way to describe yourself to me (the local idiot in a Deadpool mask).

Anyway, I have to be honest with you...

I read your story and I'm not really seeing a problem. Seems like you two hit it off so far. Seems like it has gone well. She had a death in the family, which I'm HOPING somebody wouldn't make up as a way to get rid of you, if that is what you were maybe thinking. I think you even did the right thing in response. You didn't push it, you didn't insensitively ask her out anyway, you told her you where there for her, let you know if you can do anything for her, etc.

Just give it a bit of time and ask her out again later. So far sounds like things have gone well. How else will you find out if they can continue to do so other than by trying?

[pcmaster]

I think you should keep pushing forward. Keep messaging her and ask questions, be nice, supportive and tell you feeling and what you think about her.

Also she seems to save best for later like when she feels more for you she might allow more kissing and intimacy. But its really weird that her friends liked you and texted you.

Anyway if things with this girl dont work out then I dont see a prohblem why you cant easly be successful with other girls. A lot of girls would be head over heels for this kind of attitude. This dont seem like an easy girl so could be so much easier with some simplier girl.

[fearoflove]

I agree with the other men here. Check up with her in a few days and say something along the lines of "I hope you are feeling ok with the death of one of your family member, ask her if she would like to go out with you on a fun night to cheer her up, etc". If she still gives you excuses, give her some time, then follow up with her in a week or two. If its still a no, I am afraid she is just trying to get rid of you.

[Body]

For a hundred years I was not in a nightclub, the last time I rested, took off a girl, and woke up in the morning without money, phone and gold. Therefore, now the girls are looking only for https://escortbali.info , guys, be careful!

[leonuris]

I want them on my side so i get to know more about her and plus they are her very good friends.
They are part of her life. Better to know them.
They might champion my cause !!!!

[leonuris]

She txted me tonight !!!
She's been super busy and had to take over the whole section as the new boss now.
Problem is i am flying out on Wednesday and will be gone for a long time.
So with her being busy and not really a "txting" person and me far far away for serious family matters, things will cool down.

[Hooo!]

That's a limiting belief if ever i saw one

[Janegemma]

You got stop kissing her ass and putting her on a pedastool. ITS a second date! You're asking her to "kiss her lips"?? Are you a man or are you a boy? I"m just going to tell you the cold hard truth because no one else will. If you act like a little desperate dog you'll get treated like one. She could be making the excuse about the "death of her family". You're overdoing it with these gifts and that's why it's overwhelming her. When you're with a woman you must THINK and FEEL like a woman. What does that mean exactly? Listen and steer the conversation, while getting to KNOW her. Buying gifts and tryinig to sway her with all that is not going to work. Share your experiences, try to find common ground and really GET to know her!

[TheEvilJester]

I would actually agree on two points there. One, a first date really shouldn't include any gifts. I somehow missed that part the first time I read your story. I mean, I know it was just "fragrances" so it isn't like it was a huge gift (I assume, anyway) but you really shouldn't give anything on the first date.

MAYBE flowers, but even that I sort of think is more a second date thing. I could be wrong, but I just think it is a bit much on the first date. I also agree with not ASKING if you can kiss her. I think that kind of ruins the romance of the situation. I mean, don't get me wrong... you shouldn't just force a kiss on her. But, do it when the time feels right. There's also a right way and a wrong way to approach it. In other words, you start by sort of slowly leaning in so you can kind of tell if she wants it as well. So you don't just rush in and take a kiss.

At least, that's what I think. I'm not necessarily an expert in that department, though. I could also be wrong, but isn't the first date a little early to be wanting to kiss her on the lips? Shouldn't that be a peck on the cheek kind of situation? I mean, again, I could be wrong. Maybe I'm too old-fashioned. I don't know.

But, again, if you want to keep going out with her then just keep trying. If she's not interested, she won't accept and it will become obvious to you in time. If she is interested, then that too should be obvious. Don't waste too much time if it never goes anywhere... but you shouldn't give up too easily either. Best of luck to you either way.

[leonuris]

Oh well.
Its just some money and time lost. There's literally nothing to do where i am.
I'll hang out with my usual crowd

It's my way of doing things. Full on. The thrill is in the chase.
Else it's like taking home cows. What's the use of that ?

I like a fighting girl. I like seeing what works and what does not work.
Then take her down. I'll just switch to another approach
Else "If you cannot change the girl, change the girl"

The "gift" approach supposedly creates a "goodwill" in the target. Its like an old instinct or reflex from when humans were cavemen.
A bit like "i come in peace".

I am Doctor Love, The King Of Romance.. Fine wine, white/red roses, perfume/fragrances, candle light dinners, long walks by the beach during the full moon is a must.

Anyway am currently on vacations. Tropical island, beaches and the sun.
Another conquest awaits me !

Thanks for all your replies and your suggestions. Its been really interesting seeing all these point of views.

@ Janegemma : I am really surprised at the way you are speaking. You seem angry.
Relax. Its just one girl. I'll adjust my approach for next time. If not her
someone else.
Please PM me. I want to know more about the approach you mentioned.

[TheEvilJester]

I am Doctor Love, The King Of Romance.. Fine wine, white/red roses, perfume/fragrances, candle light dinners, long walks by the beach during the full moon is a must.

That is definitely awesome and amazing. I think that kind of romantic stuff is sadly a dying art these days. If I ever actually HAD the chance (not like I ever do/ever will, LOL!) I've actually always been super romantic like that.

...BUT... that's still really not something you tend to pull out too early into a new relationship. That's not first date stuff, that's more like boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. Or at least getting more serious, want to start moving it towards girlfriend/boyfriend stuff.

....Again, or at least I think so. Because, I will again reiterate it isn't like I have much experience. LOL! But, coming on too hard too fast can really just have the opposite of the desired effect. You may come on too strong and scare people off. But, hey, if that approach works for you, far be it from me to tell you not to go for it. Maybe that will eventually find you the right partner who will appreciate those kind of grand gestures even if they do come very early on.

Good luck to you!