Im new - Need big help

[MrDrum]

In any last analysis, I think, though, that questions about what's motivating her and that your discomfort exist AT ALL are, themselves, adequate to destroy any hope of having a full and healthy relationship with her.

I dissagree. I don't think it is that black and white. Just because I have discomfort, doesnt mean I cant completely get over it. Iv only had this information for a day...Im still juggling my thoughts.

All in all, for the two of you to go on together, I'd think that you have to forgive and she has to confirm, by her BEHAVIOR, that her promiscuous history is just that, history, and there is very little to NO chance any impulses which may have prevailed then are still present to damage what she's involved in now. That being, you.

This is a perfect response.. and I agree completely. I appreciate it.

[whaywardj]

...but when I think of 16 guys... I just can't help but think of 16 at a time, which to me is just so disgusting. I know... i know... thats a stupid way to think. Maybe I just need more time with it.

Damn. That WOULD be unnerving. Seems to me you're going about it all in a sensible and level-headed manner. Stay that course. Good luck.

[misombra]

i have a girlfriend who fell into the same scenario as your girlfriend drum. her boyfriend had a hard time with her past and it took some time to let it settle. but she's a completely different person now and i think the more time they spend together the more he realizes that that was her past and not her present or future.

but he did think those things too, all those people all at one time. he thought of everything bad. but if he can get over it then i'm sure in time you will too.

[misombra]

also i think the anger that he felt was partly (or mostly) the desire to protect her.

[Asip4u]

This would bother almost every guy so it's definitely normal. From what you mentioned about being in long term relationships before and her situation, i'm not so sure this will work out but i guess time will tell. It depends on what you can and cannot accept in her past and possibly what might happen in the future. I think it's wrong for a person not to tell something such as this simply because if it comes up later on, it might make things a lot more complicated (it usually does). This way, you can either accept it and move on, hopefully making things better in the long run, or just ending it.

[whaywardj]

I dissagree. I don't think it is that black and white. Just because I have discomfort, doesnt mean I cant completely get over it. Iv only had this information for a day...Im still juggling my thoughts.

I miscommunicated, I guess. I was trying to say that whenever either party has doubts or discomfort about the other, those things need to be resolved in some way before the relationship can evolve. I didn't mean to imply that because they existed it couldn't work.

As always, it's a two-way street, of course. Your admittedly inappropriate thinking on her 16 lovers all gang-banging her at once is a good example. That's YOU grouping all her, shall we say, 'shortcomings' tightly together on one side of a mental scale on which you're balancing you decisions. Grouped tightly together in that way, that image will, naturally, outweigh in your mind HER experience of the 16, which, I'm sure, creates TOTALLY different impressions in her mind.

If it were me, I'd be working on dispelling that image of MINE and try to be sensitive to the impressions it all made on HER. It seems you're doing that, BTW. I've said it elsewhere. It might apply here. Try to not let the problems you're having cause you to lose sight of the person you love.

[MrDrum]

Thanks a ton everybody. I must say, I participate on a handfull of forums on all kinds of subjects.. and this has by FAR been the most helpfull bunch I have come across. No complex oriented whitty bantar, flaming, etc. I really really apprecaite your help.

I think that ultimately, I will be able to look past this. It may take me a day, or two... (like i said, iv only known for about a day now) and move on in a great direction. She really is a total precious sweet heart, which was part of why it was such a blow. Anyway, Thanks again for all your time and support. I will stick around and help when i can!. What goes around comes around amigos.

... MD.

[whaywardj]

Again, good luck and fair winds.

[Tone]

Np if it doesn't work out send her my way...



I mean... good luck... and stuff. ;p

[whaywardj]

Shame on you, Tone. BAD! boy.

[Tone]

I'm innocent, I swear!

[misombra]

Np if it doesn't work out send her my way...



I mean... good luck... and stuff. ;p

ay dios mio. lol.