How can I still want him after what he did to me??

[keybludger]

I have known this guy for a year and we have been good friends, in Mars I developed feelings for him and he had always been into me so everything just happened naturally. We stayed as a fling since we were busy college students and the semester was almost over.

When we came back to college this August after being apart for 2 and a half month, things started like it used to be between us. But I soon felt that something was off and he was kind of mean to me if we met at parties. He could say hi and give me a hug and then walk around talking to other girls. Then later he would booty call me. We basically turned into friends with benefits. He could say comments like "so stupid having a girlfriend in college" when we talked about his friend dating a girl.
It was just these small things that I felt constant annoyance and got slightly hurt by some of his comments.

Then last weekend he didn't write to me at all when both of us were out partying, except during the days then we could talk a little. I felt more and more uneasy about it because both of us have a common friend who we have known for a year as well. They hooked up before him and I did, I always assumed that it was just for fun. They are like copies of each other: crazy ADHD party people. It made sense that they had sex just as friends.

I had always liked her and we have always gotten along. She was super happy for us during the spring semester when she found out that him and I liked each other and was kind of "half dating". Everything seemed fine.

But this semester she encouraged me to hook up with others when I complained about him flirting with other girls etc. I didn't get the hint...that she wanted him for herself.

But so last weekend I found out that they had slept with each other and I got super hurt by it. I felt backstabbed by her and disrespected and betrayed by him.

I wrote to her and she didn't show any regret, only said that "they were better friends anyways" "him and I wasn't together so it didn't matter". I told her that I was super hurt but she just gave a heartless apology.

When I wrote to him he apologized a lot and said that he didn't think through just because we weren't exclusive. But I told him that I wanted to at least have ended things before he just went and slept with someone else...especially our friend!

I know deep deep deep down that he's not into me anymore but then he told me this: "I think I've been mean to you because I subconsciously haven't wanted you to start liking me even more". I got hurt hearing that and said that he didn't have to worry because I didn't like him particularly much after this (lie). He then continues instead to say "It was subconscious, I have been deeply hurt by girls in the past and it is hard for me to open up and to trust now"

I understand that him saying this could just been a "nice" way of turning me down. I deleted him on snapchat after this and blocked on the rest of social media because I wanted to get over him.

But it feels impossible! What he did was hurtful and it pains me everyday but I keep wishing that he will write to me and ask for a second chance. How can I get over this?? No other guy is attractive to me or their personalities are boring.

We always laughed together, could talk, watched movies together, just hung out etc. His friends and roommates really liked me and I liked them. I just don't understand why he would suddenly do this to me.

I know that he and my ex friend will most likely hookup again and she 100% have feelings for him. But I really can't see them working as a couple, they are too similar and emotionally unavailable as people. That's just my opinion. But I guess you never know.

Im just very hurt, sad, angry and naively hopeful that he one day will write to me. Please how can I move on???

[topazlight]

She probably bad mouthed you to him, that is what sneaky bitches do, no one is safe, they have no real female friends, everyone is a stepping stone. I hope you block her off everything and no longer talk to her and he fell for it and her ploys, so he isn't much either, imo. I'd write them both off after that incident.

[keybludger]

She probably bad mouthed you to him, that is what sneaky bitches do, no one is safe, they have no real female friends, everyone is a stepping stone. I hope you block her off everything and no longer talk to her and he fell for it and her ploys, so he isn't much either, imo. I'd write them both off after that incident.

I don't think she mad mouthed me as all 3 of us know the other one. But I think he freaked out over the fact that I liked him a lot. She can piss off tho and I have deleted both of them from social media. I also wrote to both of them before, confronting them. She got all defensive and he apologized a lot but I'm still hurt and pissed at both of them. Will take me a LONG time to move on.

[pcmaster]

Always forget what you give but never forget to forgive. Stay blessed !

[Hooo!]

I don't know what you are bitching about

If you want to be exclusive then you have to communicate this

If you yourself say you are"half dating" then that is what you get
One half of the attention

Then being hurt because you let that be and even communicate it to others, seems a little bitchy and selfish selffocused and naive to me

[TheEvilJester]

I know this won't necessarily be what you want to hear, but the truth is time and space is all that will work. That is what it will take for you to get over him.

And, please understand, there is nothing wrong with you for still having part of you sort of want it to work out with him. There was a time when you thought you and he were really hitting it off. There was a time when you thought things could move forward with him. Sometimes that can be hard to get past.

In time, what you will be able to realize is that you were falling for an imaginary person. You were falling for who you THOUGHT he was, which turned out not to be who he really was after all. And that is NOT to imply you did anything wrong. I think we've all been there at some point in our lives. We fall in love with the idea of love, almost. We wind up with the very wrong person who we thought was the very right person.

In time you will be able to see that and you WILL feel better. You WILL move on. I will say this for future advice...

In the future don't be afraid to communicate more about what you want. I mean, it isn't like you should be having the exclusive conversation on the very first date. LOL! But as things progress, you are not wrong to want to talk about whether or not you two or on the same page. I could be wrong, but it sounds like you and he never necessarily had those discussions. So, maybe the truth is he just didn't think you two were exclusive.

I mean, me personally, I don't like to date like that. That isn't to say I expect to be exclusive with somebody immediately, of course. But, I'm just not interested in actively dating more than one person at the same time. To me, either a relationship is moving forward, or maybe it isn't the right one. .....But that's me. Things are different these days. People do date more casually. Maybe for him this was just that. Maybe for you it got to be more.

I'm not going to defend him much, though. It sounds like you two were together for months. To me, that is long enough that there should be some idea of whether you two are just having a little fun or are serious. So I absolutely understand how you feel. I also agree that he should have been more clear with you if he was not looking for something more serious. So, my personal advice would still be to forget him completely. I think you deserve better.

MAYBE he truly never meant to hurt you.... but it sounds like his lifestyle just doesn't match yours anyway. So, even if he didn't mean to hurt you, the truth is he did. So, you would be better off forgetting him and finding somebody who DOES want to take things more seriously.

Believe me, in time you will. I know that can be hard to see now, but in time you will realize that you are actually better off without him. That he wasn't what you thought. That you are much better off looking for somebody who is what you want in a guy rather than to wind up with somebody like that just to be with somebody.

For now, just focus on forgiving yourself. Focus on remembering that you are pretty damn awesome! Focus on finding ways to feel happy and fulfilled even if that doesn't include a guy for right now. Some day the right guy will find you... but for now it is time for YOU to find you.

Best of luck.