What should I do? (long sorry!)

[Zack]

Hello,
I am a 25 yr old male who is having a major girlfriend issue. We have been dating for 10 months, we met at work. Our past history is very different, for me, this is my first serious relationship ever(She is my first sex partner). She has been involved in other relationships, even so far as to have lived with her past boyfriend. The first time that we went out was one week after she moved out of his house.
When we first started dating, things were going along great. Soon into the relationship, she started getting serious - talking about a life together forever. I guess a made some mistakes in that I support those ideas, and told her that I loved her, and wanted to spend forever with her. I guess the bottom line is that I am just not sure. The one time I tried to tell her that the marriage talk was a bit nerve racking, she stated that she was going to leave me. I was afraid of losing her! So I allowed the Serious talk to continue.
Now getting back to some of the other problems, we both live at home. I live at home with my mother, who is divorced, and not re-married. I guess in a way, I am the man of the house. I take care of the boring chores like cutting the grass, and so on. In her case her parents are together, so she does not have the same relationship with her parents that I have with my mom. She first off, she does not understand when I do things around the house, or with my mom. She feels that I will never be serious because I have a comfortable life at home, and she feels as if I will never break the pattern.
Next I own a few cars, they are my hobby, I am a car guy! And yes I do spend a lot of money on the cars. She has now started on the kick that I should/must get rid of some of them, because I cannot be serious about saving money if I play with my cars.
The last issue that I have is the concept of alone time. I am a independent person, I can do things on my own, and sometimes I enjoy that. Her problem is that she always wants to be with me! We had a huge fight a few days ago, because I wanted to just stay home for the day and just watch tv. I just need some alone time! She does not get that concept! She took it as a personal insult that I did not want to be with her. That is just not the case! She claims that she is not the center of ,my world. She states that my cars and mom come before her. We had a huge fight this morning. My mom went on a vacation for a few days. Before my mom left, she asked me to go and buy new tires for her car. My girlfriend has slept over for the past few nights. We had planned to go for the tires this morning ( I am not sure why she had to come with me?). We were supposed to go at 8:00 am. We woke up later, and she was not feeling well. She I took a shower, and she stayed in bed. She said that she would still go with me. So I get out of the shower, and I called the tire shop, and told them I would be in in about 40 min. She then flips out, telling me that I don't care that she is sick, all I care about is getting tires. So she storms out. I tried calling but she would not answer, so I went ahead and got the tires.When she did answer her phone , she tells me again that I don't care about her, and her mom took care of her. Should I have stayed home, and not got the tires?
I just don't know what to do? Sould I not be with her any longer? I am afraid of losing her. I always looked forward to my first serious relationship, but I never figured there would be so many fights.

Thank you,
Z

[LightOn]

How old is this girl? Relationships have arguments, but it sounds like they are all one sided(for her). And as for her claiming that she is not the center of your world, I guess she expects that.....Dude find the courage within yourself to leave her!!!! She seriously has some issues she has to discover on her own. She is not ready for a serious relationship. And are you prepared to handle someone with such issues?!?

About the tires....you did nothing wrong, she was sick and you wasn't, her problem not yours. You are 1 person, remember that.

Are you afraid of losing her, or are you afraid of being alone? 10 months...sure it will be hard to leave someone, but you are 25 and you shold not have to go through things like that. As for marraige, if she has this big of a leash on you now, just imagine how big of one she will have on you once you are married to her?

It really sounds like she is taking advantage of your lack of experiance in relationships, which is extremely selfish on her part. I am not degrading you, but she needs to look for the innocense in you, and appreciate it.

Do your best not to waste anymore time with her, there is plenty of women out there. Do you really think she would stick around if you put her through the same things she is putting you through?
Both you and her need to realize the 2 of you are EQUALLY DIFFERENT. If she can't respect that now, it's hard to tell if she will ever respect it.

I was in a relationship similar to yours, except she was not my first. I had to put up with her accusing me off wanting to cheat on her or not wanting to spend time with her. She wanted absolutley all of my attention, I couldn't do that, but I tried to make her happy. It lasted 3 months, I lost my job, insurance on my car, and tons of will power because i left it go on for 3 months. Reason for all that was because before I got with her, I told myself I was ready to settle down, I would do whatever it takes to be complete......HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Needless to say I got a reality check. 1 person(myself) can not settle down with another who is not capable of settling down. Bascially what I mean by settling down is getting married.

It's true you have to be ready for that, but you don't have to marry someone who is not ready for it. Nor do you even have to be with them either. Sure there could be a day she will grow up and come to her sences, but by then her insecurities may have gotten to you. Depression is contagious. And then she may not want you. You have your own choices, don't let others make them for you.

Best of Luck!!

[IceQueen]

This relationship has no perspective because of basic incompatibility. Find out what you were afraid of -- losing HER, or losing A girlfriend. (Chances are, you're afraid of losing A girlfriend, because she doesn't seem like she gets you, and you don't seem to really understand her either.)

Whatever you do, don't get married. You should only get married when you don't even have doubts on the BACK of your mind. And you can't string her along if you're not going to marry her, either, because it's not a noble thing to do.