I need help/advice

[roxamillion]

I have a problem and need input. There is a man here at my office that is really interested in me, but I am not interested in him. He basically keeps talking about me to some of my other co-workers that he doesnt understand why I am not interested. He said to my face that he is mad about me.

1. Just broke up with mr. personality
2. He is not my type
3. He is not attractive to me

He basically invited himself over to my house this coming sunday to watch Nascar because he says he does not have cable (loser) and the races are on TNT. I said ok, but I hesitated. How the heck can I get out of this mess I am in. I cannot just quit my job or move so that advice wont work.

Thanks in advance.

Roxamillion

[TAVS]

Why oh Why did you say okay to that? Get all up in his face and tell him off. If that doesn't work, talk to your boss.

[roxamillion]

He wanted to take me to lunch today and I brought mine so we didnt go. He asked why didnt we go and I said cuz i brought my own. He mentioned 'lets go tomorrow' I said I cant because I am having lunch with a friend so I suggested Friday and he says really pissy 'well whatever' then stormed off. I owe this man nothing and he is acting like I do. ahhhhhhh I want to scream.

[shh!]

You are going to date a guy who's an actual, real, live Nascar fan? Hmm... Maybe its a regional phenomenon.

[roxamillion]

shh, if you read my post it says I not interested in him. I think he likes Nascar because I do! Please re-read my original post.

[shh!]

I did read your post. It says he is coming over to your house to watch Nascar. Sounds like a date to me, whether or not you like him very much.

[roxamillion]

Its not a date and I made that very clear to him. I need to get out of it. Help.

[whaywardj]

Rox -- Put the cabash on this thing right now. Immediately DIS-invite him from your home and disabuse him of any notions you'll ever have lunch with him (unless in a group) for the simple reason, "I've had second thoughts about having personal relationships with my co-workers. I prefer not to." If he persists in SEXUALLY HARRASSING you on the job, bring the matter up with your HR Manager, or the equivalent. You want nothing to do with this person. In you, he SMELLS a presently vulnerable personality he can overrun. This week, it's inviting himself to your home or to lunch with you. Next week, it could be inviting himself to smack you. His attitude over your NOT having lunch with him suggests he doesn't have good control over his emotions...among which, of course, are anger and rage. Stay FAR away from him on a personal level. Keep it all STRICTLY professional. It doesn't matter if he likes it or not. If he reacts by making your worklife miserable, use the the harrassment card. (Use that card sparingly, BTW, only as a last resort.)

[roxamillion]

whaywardj - Thanks so much. I know that I am not stupid but what would be the best thing, in your opinion, I should tell him he cannot come over? I am struggling with this only because I have to work with him M-F.

[whaywardj]

Didn't just say that? Didn't I just put words in your mouth to that very effect? Didn't I just suggest how you might deal with the work aspect? YES! DISINVITE him from any personal contact with you whatsoever for no other reason than you PREFER NOT TO. That's all anyone ever needs to explain to someone toward whom they owe nothing. Are you NOT reading or are you just milking the board for sympathy? (A hallmark of somone who is willing to accept abuse, BTW, seeking unwarranted sympathy.)

[roxamillion]

No I am not milking for anything. I realize that I have to dis-invite him and I am planning on doing that. All, please accept my apologees for seeming like I am milking the board.

[whaywardj]

No prob. I'd really like to see more posts from you where you're thinking about yourself more than the other guy, though. Seems you get into tangles trying to please others...overly. Someone either accepts you or they don't. No need to contort yourself into painful postures trying to make them.

[roxamillion]

Whaywardj....I was just talking with a female co-worker and she basically said the same thing. I am more concerned about everyone else than I am myself. I need to work on that. Do you know of any good books on the subject.

[whaywardj]

How about this forum? Google "low self-esteem women," too.

[Tone]

Tell him you have a friend coming up this weekend and so he can't come over cause you'll be with him (tell him it's a guy). Then let him know "Listen I'm really sorry Jimmy but I'm just not interested in you like that" and say that whenever he asks you to lunch, or asks you to do anything YOU DON'T WANT TO.