very perplexing

[sqvue]

ok, i have a very difficult situation in front of me...here it goes

background: me:21, lost virg. to this girl. her:19, lost virg. to me, been going out 3 years straight..

first off: g/f and i broke up, didn't really see eachother for a few weeks she was mad at me, didnt want to get back together, said she was going to visit a friend in london for 2 weeks soon, and wants to have fun there...

2 weeks later: we see a movie, rediscover our passion for eachother, tell eachother we still love one another... and want to get back together after she gets back because she still wants to have "fun", we kiss, make love, see eachother a lot before she leaves, we also talked about possible future together afterwards, marriage, moving, ect.

I learn shes staying with a guy friend, who during the split, she has been flirting with, and talks of cuddling and what not..she tells me her "fun" is basically trying things with another guy before getting tied down

I thought, ok, this seems natural, then thought no...if she still loves and wants me..she shouldnt be able to do this...because i could never do it...and after expressing what i thought, she promised no sex and to back together when she gets back...which was ok for the time being...

she went to london, has been there one week now, one week to go, and has gotten to the point of making out with the guy and saying they're still "friends", i think that if she takes things to a beyond friendly side...groping, intimate stuff, ect. that she is denying her love for me, and truely doesnt not want me back, even though she kinda says she does, but she isn't helping at proving it, plus it isnt helping that i've only had 2 20mintute phone calls and few e-mails over 7 days...i love her a lot and want everything to work out, but im not sure if i can handle getting back with her if she says she loves me and can do stuff with another guy just like that... I'm I overreacting to everything? or am I right in thinking that because theres still supposedly love there, that it seems disrespectfull to the realtionship that she do intimate things with another person?? I'd really appreciate some advice here, thanks!

[mini696]

I was engaged to my first root. We broke up... Got back together but it was only because we missed the physical side of the relationship. We really were not very compatable.

If I was in your position I would be very pissed off, But.... and it a big but. If you want to have a very strong relationship, and better sex life, I would allow her to do whatever she wants, not only does it prove to her you are willing to swallow your pain and hurt, but you are also willing to let her have space to discover who she really is.

Not easy, but for the best in the long run.

Experience is the spice of life.

Mick

[1reason1love]

Listen to mini...hes a great guy and knows alot..he also helped me out really good.

[Only-virgins]

or am I right

You are right.

[TAVS]

Dude, ditch her man. That's not cool at all. If you stick around ofter this, you're going to regret it and you'll only look like a fool. Grow some balls and walk away. There's no reason you should have to swallow the pain of letting her cheat on you to proove anything.

[sqvue]

well, technically it isn't cheating since we are broken up...should that matter? we say we love eachother, and we wont be b/f,g/f until after her trip, do you have to be together to be able to cheat?

[misombra]

yes. you need to let her do her thing. and you need to do your thing. you two are too young and full of life to endure this kind of drama.

[whaywardj]

Sounds like the momentum of having been apart interferred with your reconsidered positions. You really don't have a choice but to let things play out. Just try to begin again with a blank slate when she returns. Put London out of your mind. Situations like yours is why it is always a good idea in relationships to not do anything which could lead to dynamics that become difficult to unwind...such as trips that can't easily be cancelled.