New guy after a long relationship

[smilingeyes]

I got out of a long abusive relationship about 10 months ago, and I just finally strted dating, but the truth is, I just don't know how to date. I was with my ex for 7 years since I got out of highschool so I was never really with anyone but him. I have no idea how to act or anything. For the most part, I just can't figure out why this guy would want to be with me anyway.

He almost seems to treat me more like a friend than anything. I don't mind for the most part, I've known him for 13 years, as a matter of fact, we dated on and off for 3 years back in school. My question is, how do you know if the person you are dating is really into you or not, or is just looking for a friend with benefits. We have been together for a month today but I am just having the most difficult time trying to read him. I'm very glad he is independent, but is there such thing as way to independent to be in a relationship?

[Tone]

Could be... as for your first issue - just be yourself. That's the best part of dating (:

Obviously he's into you if you're dating, so just give it time, try not to worry, relax, and go with the flow. Most importantly: communicate. If something bothers you or you want to know - just tell/ask him :)

[lilwing89]

Yes, he is into you.

And note to the ladies:
Don't try to read guys because you just end up going "Oh that can't be what he want" and skid completely past what is the truth. Just ask him what he wants; friends with benefits, or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Guys aren't as complicated mentally as girls stereotypically are, so don't try to see past the point, what he says is what he means...unless he is lying.
If he goes out with you and tries to have sex with you or something 5 days after doing so, don't be disgusted....we really think we can get it after 1 day, we just think that 5 days will grease the wheels a little.

[clynn]

Um, I think that you're probably dealing with a guy who is A LOT different than your previous boyfriend and so it is difficult for you to determine when he is being a good guy and not.

You're probably cautious and maybe also quite sensitive to what a guy might do that might be deemed negative behavior as well.

Well, it sounds like you have a really good basis of friendship with this guy, as well as a past relationship history. I bet he isn't interested in just sex or else he would go off and find that in someone else he doesn't already have a history with.

Sounds good to me!

I bet it'll be a relatinoship a lot different than your other one. Dont' expect the same things, good (cuz even if the last guy was a jerk there was probably some good)..... or otherwise from the new guy. They're all made different!

All the best!

PS: I get really freaky when dating a new guy!

[Tone]

PS: I get really freaky when dating a new guy!

Oh that's hot

[Steve2004]

Yes, he is into you.

And note to the ladies:
Don't try to read guys because you just end up going "Oh that can't be what he want" and skid completely past what is the truth. Just ask him what he wants; friends with benefits, or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Guys aren't as complicated mentally as girls stereotypically are, so don't try to see past the point, what he says is what he means...unless he is lying.
If he goes out with you and tries to have sex with you or something 5 days after doing so, don't be disgusted....we really think we can get it after 1 day, we just think that 5 days will grease the wheels a little.

I wont believe you until you're at least 22 and have more experience.

[TenorTwo]

Hah. They only tell you how to fall in love. They never tell you how to move on and fall in love again.

[clynn]

Hah. They only tell you how to fall in love. They never tell you how to move on and fall in love again.

that's poetic

[clynn]

Oh that's hot

Oh, you're dirty (ha ha! love it!)

[Steve2004]

Hah. They only tell you how to fall in love. They never tell you how to move on and fall in love again.

...they actually dont tell you how to fall in love either...they just throw a blind fold on you, spin you around a few times and say "ALRIGHT GO FALL IN LOVE AND MAKE BABIES....and if you get dumped, too bad! haha have fun!"

[clynn]

Its true though that the first time is kind of easier, as you don't have any preconceived notions or ideas of what love should be, really. You just make it up.

By the time you're looking again the next time or the time after that, well, you carry with you all the old stuff.

Like I said recently to someone: "Geeze, I wish I could date someone without it feeling like I'm dating all my exes at the same time."

[Steve2004]

Like I said recently to someone: "Geeze, I wish I could date someone without it feeling like I'm dating all my exes at the same time."

I can honestly say i've never felt that before in my life.

[clynn]

Really? Like when you're dating someone new and so you don't necessarily know what behavior to expect from them, or you don't know what their expectations are . . . you assume it must be the same as an ex, because that is all that you know.......


(and sorry for hijacking the thread, but maybe this might provide some insight.....seems related)[/FONT]

[Only-virgins]

how do you know if the person you are dating is really into you or not, or is just looking for a friend with benefits.

What is "Into you"?

[Steve2004]

Really? Like when you're dating someone new and so you don't necessarily know what behavior to expect from them, or you don't know what their expectations are . . . you assume it must be the same as an ex, because that is all that you know.......

nope. when i date someone new i dont make assumptions, i let them show me how they're going to act. it's only fair. i dont want to date a guy that thinks i'm like his ****ed up ex girlfriend...it's only fair i do the same.