what do i do?

[scottfromoz]

short background, broke up with my girlfriend about 2 months ago now wed been toether about a year, lots of ups and downs but id like ot say more ups. anyway, we had a fight 2 months ago i broke it off in anger, and realised a week later how big a mistake it was

i tried so hard to get her back for the first 3-4 weeks wed speak on the phone about once a week, id call and do a lot of talking, the first call i made she didnt know what she wanted said she needed time and space to think, then for some stupid reason everytime after id call id bring up the same questions, pushing her further and further away.

anyway about 3 weeks ago i think i really blew it saw her out and did the same S*** brought up the questions about getting back and she was really angry, i talked to her friend 2 weeks later and asked if she (ex) was considering it still and the response was "its at the back of her mind"
since then ive seen her twice out and smiled waved and kept going got a smile back but thats it. last night at the pub she was there and we didnt make eye contact but she knew i was there and didnt come up and eventually left before i went over.

now after all this i guess the question im asking is have i been doing the right thing giving her space now or is it a lost cause?

at the moment what i am planning on doing is giving it a few weeks calling her up and asking her for coffee at lunch time (as we both work in sydney) just to catch up and see what the situation is. if this happens id talk about anything but the relationship.

is going for coffee a goo d idea, my thoughts are its not too bad since, its casual, there is a time limit set on it cause we would both have to go back t o work at some stage, so therefore theree wont be the awkwardness of trying to leave etc.

anyway i know its long but if anyone can give me some advice it would be grealty appreciateed cause im so lost now

[clynn]

I think that should leave it up to her to come to you.

[Ellynn]

She sounds like shes just getting used to not dating you and shes trying to move on....... Since she gets upset when you pressure her back into dating then I guess you really can't do much else but wait it out and let her come to you.

In the meantime though I wouldn't dwell on it too much. I mean there are other women out there and if things aren't gonna work out w/ you and her....you should keep your options open...

[Katini]

Okay,
So I'm thinking that yes, space is much needed right now. She clearly is not wanting you desperately to call her because she had 3 or 4 weeks of that. The best thing to do is to stay away for a little while and see what happens with her. if you wait awhile (maybe a month, maybe a few, maybe even a year) And then get back to her with the intention of just becoming friends, you never know what may happen.

You're only punishing yourself by wanting a girl who clearly doesn't want a relationship with you at this moment in time. the two of you could be fooling yourselves, but the fact that you've called her many times after the breakup and with no clear intention on her part to get back together shows that she's trying to move on.

I believe in fate in relationships. if you two were meant to be together, there's no reason why you won't end up that way. Just give her, and yourself, some time!

[scottfromoz]

see i agree with what everyone says but at the other end of the scale, she was seriously considering getting back to gether she said so herself but she said i cant now i need time and then i buggered it up by not giving her time. so it went from seriously considering to 'the back of her mind'.
when we broke up she had just gotten a new job and has to travel over 2hrs a day and then also has study so a pretty stressful time really.
looking back asking for space is more thana reasonable request i was just too stupid and let my emotions take over instead of my head and couldnt give it to her. if she really didnt want to get back wouldnt she have said dont bother me anymore i dont want to talk about i t?
i dunno its just a shitty situation, i have spoken to her friends and pretty much theyve said the same thing.. if u had of given her space ud be back together now.

[scottfromoz]

and katini
i dunno i believe in fate,
but i also believe that fate or not if you trully care for someone its worth fighting for, i know i have gone about it the wrong way i could have told her once and left it things would be different i didnt though i made mistakes and i will learn from it, and your right if its meant to be it is meant to be but sometimes things need a kickstart

[TAVS]

There's nothing you can do but sit back and see what happens. I would wait at least a month before trying to go out for coffee unless she calls you. Play a little hard to get but don't ignore her if you run into her. Keeping the pressure off is the name of the game. To be honest, it's probably a lot cause. I hate to say it cause I'm in a waiting game too, your situation just seems long gone. If/when you do talk to her, just let her know very simply that you are still interested in getting back together with her but you understand she asked you for space and that's what you're doing. Leave it in her hands and dont force it.

[scottfromoz]

i have seen her a few times in the past few weeks mainly at the pub pretty much gave her a wave and smile and said hey shed do the same and then id keep going, i have played it cool and your right it may be a lost cause, i gues ill know in a week or so wheni give her a call and see if shes keen for coffee

[MajorGlory]

Hey bud sorry to say but you made many mistakes in a row. You cannot leave her without really wanting it then pressure her to get back together. But I think if she wasnt crying to you to come back together after being dumped then you prolly were right to leave her cause she wasnt that much in love. Or yes she could also be a tough girl but believe me you dont want to date a tough girl.
Now bud just move on like she did. Forget about her and try to get your life right.. take my advice waiting for her is senseless and actually painful.
Hope you fix it my man

[XPixiedustX]

well scott sounds like you really care about her...in which case give her her space she'll really respect you for it. You probably should wait for her to come to you when she's ready...if you don't think you can wait...then just give it a few weeks and then maybe you can meet up with her and try to work things out.

[GrkScorp]

yup yup...

i agree with pixie..