what can she mean?

[mark20]

Right, this is my problem and I'll try and state it in as few words as possible to make it easier for people reading.

There is this girl whom I met through work who I am quite interested in - I wouldn't say I'm desperate but she is quite interesting none the less. So I decided I would put my charm to work and try and do something about it. Okay firstly she is young (perhaps even too young?), 17 and I am 20. From the start I had a small suspicion that she may have been interested but wasn't too sure, but was willing to try my luck anyhow. So at first I got to know her by having small conversations and made myself a friend at least - this only lasted about 2 weeks. I then persuaded her to join a group of friends and myself who were going to a bar on christmas eve, and even though she knew noone going there except me she still said yes, and actually gave me her number so that she could phone to make sure she could find us alright. So you can imagine at this stage I seemed pretty sure she was at least slightly interested.

Well anyway after obtaining her mobile number we started exchanging text messages every few days or so and I was out on new years eve and (after a few drinks) I sent her an SMS and asked her if she'd like to meet up. Her reply was "I'd love to meet but I'm not leaving the house until after exams, but then sure". Not entirely negative but a bit of a blow. So I still continue to keep in contact and there was definite flirting between us. In one text she said I was sweet and even admitted to liking me, which only makes this situation all the more confusing.

Fast forward to after exams and yesterday I decided to ask her out again; I sent her a text and just said "Do you still want to go out, how about some stage next week?". Her reply was again a little disappointing, something along the lines of "Sure we can go out sometime but I'm fully booked for the next three weekends as four of my friends have 18th birthday parties within two weeks". It makes sense as she is in her last year at school which makes her friends the same age as her but to me it seems she is just putting things off again. Why do you think this is? She has already admitted she liked me through her text messages and gave me her phone number without me even asking, but yet every time I ask her to meet it's always put off. I'm not even too sure what to say back to her, perhaps I could say something about meeting during the week, but I have a strong suspicion she will probably reply with another lamish excuse, perhaps homework or something like that.

So what do you think? Do you think it could possibly just be down to shyness? Or do you think she initially liked me but perhaps doesn't any more? It's so weird! Should I suggest meeting on a week night? Or maybe even wait until after 3 weekends? I really don't think I can be bothered waiting again although I do like this girl so I'd like to go out with her at some stage. What do you all think?

By the way I apologise for the length of this post, hope you had time to read it all!

[sfalexi]

Firstly,

There is no real "too young" or "too old". But is she of a maturity level that you can be with for many hours of the next part of your life? For me, most women my age or younger are not. For you, maybe you can tolerate it. So the don't look at the years in the age, but her personality and her maturity level.

I'd love to meet but I'm not leaving the house until after exams, but then sure". Not entirely negative but a bit of a blow.

So the girl cares about her grades. Shouldn't be a blow. You're not her boyfriend or anything quite special to her yet so why should she sacrifice her grades and her future for you yet?

In one text she said I was sweet and even admitted to liking me, which only makes this situation all the more confusing.

What is confusing about this? She likes you. If I like a girl and am interested in her there's no way in hell I'm going to take a chance at sacrificing my future happiness for her. If she was my fiancee, maybe. Wife, yes. But someone that I like and am interested in, yeah right.

Sure we can go out sometime but I'm fully booked for the next three weekends as four of my friends have 18th birthday parties within two weeks". It makes sense as she is in her last year at school which makes her friends the same age as her but to me it seems she is just putting things off again.

Here's the real first opportunity to play the BS card. Her friends have birthday parties all three days of the next three weekends? Bullshit. Call her on it. Ask her what day the party is on, then tell her, "Fine. If the party's on Friday, we'll go out on Saturday." Simple. If she balks at this and has an excuse, say, "Fine. You tell me what day is good." If she comes back unclear and "doesn't know", then forget about her. She's leading you on and it's not worth it.

Alexi

[mark20]

Okay firstly I never expected her to take a chance at "sacrificing her future happiness" for me, I understood when she couldn't see me until after her exams and I don't expect any girl to do that for me even if we were serious about each other. I definitely wouldn't do it for them. It was only the second time she put it off that I began to think the whole thing was an excuse to try and put things off.

I agree completely on what you said about her having three parties three days of the next three weekends, it's ridiculous.

So I think I'm going to take your advice I think and just ask her to see me on an alternative weekend day to the one the party is on. If she says no then I'll forget about her. I think the fact that she's showing any kind of hesitation at all to wanting to go out with me is not a good sign that she really is interested in anything more than leading me on.

I just feel the most annoying thing is how girls can blow hot and cold like that and confuse the hell out of people!

And about the maturity thing, she is quite mature for her age but probably not very confident when it comes to dating. I haven't really talked to her enough to find out what she's really like, hence the reason why I wanted to go out in the first place.

[sfalexi]

I haven't really talked to her enough to find out what she's really like, hence the reason why I wanted to go out in the first place.

Yup. That's really the purpose of dating. Just that with me, most of the girls I overhear at college talk about the parties they go to and how drunk they got. Well I don't party and drink like most people my age do so I need someone that either is past that or just doesn't do that either. But if I didn't know someone and was interested I'd date em to find out too.

I just feel the most annoying thing is how girls can blow hot and cold like that and confuse the hell out of people!

Yeah. It sucks. So I simply no longer deal with that. It's much easier for me to go on with life without a girl that plays games. And girls are all over the place so why play games when around the corner is a girl who will actually appreciate you taking her out and showing her a good time? See if she warms up to hanging out another day in that weekend, but if she stalls again, she's just playing around. Cut it short. She may come running back to you if she realizes her games aren't working out, and then it'd be up to you whether to give her that second chance or not. But I personally wouldn't. Cause then she'll just start acting up again, and you can only give a woman two black eyes. After that you start running out of places to strike her!
Alexi

[IceQueen]

After her last reply (which was complete bull unlike her first excuse) you should have stopped txt msging her altogether, and let her come to *you*. Now you're like this desperate guy who tries really hard. Be more aloof. Let her see you with another girl. Let her initiate things with you.