well, we talked...

[justonekiss]

We talked online for a bit. He asked me last night if he could borrow my camera{he generally borrows it until I need it for something, he loves the thing}, so I said maybe today, or friday. So I asked him if he wanted me to bring it over tonight, or just wait until tomorrow. He said it didn't matter, but if I wanted to he would leave his door unlocked while going to deliver some things and I could just wait until he got back. I said tomorrow would work better. Then later he said he had stuff to do and was going to hang out with one of his old friends. Which lead me to saying I thought maybe we could catch a movie, maybe saturday would work for that.

He said nothing in return, just that he had no plans yet. I then told him how I'm trying and getting nowhere. He got offline, doing some computer hardware work, so I called him.

I told him how it didn't matter if we didn't talk everyday, if we didn't see each other on a daily or every other day basis, etc. That all that concerns me is that he's mine, and me knowing that is good enough. He agreed. Said I still wasn't giving him what he wants. Which is for me to just completely leave him alone for awhile.

I mentioned the fact that last week we spent 5/7 days together, all of which were his idea. I also mentioned the fact that it seems as if we're not broken up, IN THE LEAST, which he said was his fault and he regretted giving in so badly. He told me that he would have been completely happy with this by now, if I had given him said space.

Then I asked him about the dating thing. I asked if he really thought of himself as single. He asked what I meant. So, I said "do you really think of yourself as single, or just as us taking a pause in our relationship?" He said he hadn't thought of it that way. Then said our conversation wasn't going in the right direction, so before he felt like he was going to snap at me{probably due to that comment, I'm now sure I shouldn't have brought that up at all}, so he wanted to let me go. We said our goodbyes, but I'm still confused.

He tells me he wants me to fix things. He tells me he wants his space. I tell him I'm fixing things, he says that's not the problem at all. I don't know what to do. This at least gives me reassurance, but at the same time should I give him this space? Any input is appreciated, as always.

[TAVS]

Sounds like a real bum to me. If he wants space, you have to give it to him. That won't always get you the end result you desire, but doing the opposite will nealy always make things worse. Reading what you wrote, sounds to me like he consideres himself single. He's totally power trippin you and you're letting it happen. Stand up for yourself and don't be so needy. Sorry to hear you're having a rought time though, i've been there.

[lilwing89]

maybe your spending too much time together and he just wants space..let's just hope it's that...are you guys going out? cause when you said "that it seems as if we're not broken up" i got confused....

just give him his space.

[Ellynn]

Ok so he still wants his space......and when you brought up you spent 5 out of the 7 days together last week.....he made it sound like it was your fault because you didnt give him space.

Did he call you to hang out and get together or did you call him? If he called you to hang out.....then he shouldn't be placing the blame on you for not giving him his space. If you were the one who initiated each time you both hung out lately.....then yeah....seriously....give him his space.

Also he could have said "no" to hanging out. But yet he still did things with you. Yet he still keeps bringing up the whole "space" issue. Also he seemed to get rather defensive when you asked him if he thought of himself as "single" or just "taking a pause in the relationship" Whats that all about? I mean you just asked him a simple question. He should be able to give you a straight forward answer. He is avoiding the whole issue completely....

You have to get him to open up about what he wants right now. Then you both need to stick with the plan. Thats the only way to see if you two are gonna work out or not.

[justonekiss]

Realisticly I don't think he does consider himself single. If being left alone is truly what he wants from me, I can't possibly see how he could want to date another girl. Not to mention one he couldn't get emotionally attatched to, because I'm still in the picture.

He didn't make it seem like it was my fault we haven't acted "broken up". He took full blame for it, because it gave me the wrong idea on what he wants. Like I said before, when we're together, it's so easy to forget about the problems we have.

He initiated the hanging out last week, for the most part. Monday he invited me over, then asked me to stay. Tuesday he asked me to stay most of the day with him. I asked him later that week if I could stay over Friday, because I had orientation at 8am saturday for my new job at the location about half an hour away from me, but ten minutes from him. He said he had other plans, then I reminded him that some friends and I were supposed to help him move a few things from his house to his apartment with their truck. So we moved him, and as we were leaving he asked if I wanted to come back and stay with him. Then Saturday I had left the camera over there, so I went back to get it, and we went out shopping and stuff. He asked me how long I was planning on staying at his place, jokingly, and I said until he kicked me out. We went shopping at walmart at about 1am, then came back and both crashed. So no one really asked then, it was just sort of decided.

The only thing he really wants from me is space. Even then, I don't know if he'll suddenly decide he's happy or not. I don't understand, if he truly wants to be with me, why he would want to just cut off all contact with me for awhile. There's such a thing as space, but this is almost complete confinement.

[Tone]

Put your godamn foot down and stop letting this jerkoff get away with everything... this is really starting to piss me off and I'm not even in this situation!

He wants space - give it to him. If he calls and wants to hang out - say "Sorry, we're on a break, you wanted your space, I'm not suppose to see you" then say you have to go and get off the phone.

Until he gets over whatever he's trippin on, don't let him have his way with you. He wanted space, okay, give him exactly what he wanted. Stop being so weak.

[justonekiss]

He's not walking all over me. He's given me so much out of our relationship, and he asks for this one thing. It may be huge, but he hasn't asked for anything from me before. And I can't even give that to him.

Even throughout all of this he's still giving me everything I want, I just take it all for granted. For example, a few nights ago I had a question about a car I was looking at{he's a car expert}, so I texted him asking if he were asleep yet, that I had to ask him something, and not even two minutes later he called me to answer it for me. I told him I felt that I was going to end up putting too much trust in something that would just give up on me{me giving him his space, and completely hating me...it went along with a few of our fights at the time}. I said I could give him whatever he wanted, but that's what was going through my head, so later that night he asked me to come see him, it being his way of showing me that I'm not being set up to be let down.

I still feel as though I need to prove to him some things. Like that we can have real conversations without having to fight with each other, that he can be as vague as he wants about certain things and I won't keep questioning it{he hates being asked questions about anything, he won't open up if he's asked to, but if he's left alone then he'll spill his thoughts}. That I can live a life where everything doesn't relate to him in some way. So if he does feel he wants to see me, it will be better than either of us expected, which will just make everything better.

So yes. I will leave him alone, and we will see each other at his request, not mine anymore, which will probably end up making us both happier than we've been in awhile.

[justonekiss]

::shrug::. He may be an *******, this is true, but I'm also one of the most annoying, bitchy girlfriends a guy can have. One way of looking at it is that we deserve each other. Another way is that it sort of cancels out, because we think so much alike.

[Ellynn]

So if you want to see him you won't....but if he wants to see you he will. What about what YOU want? Will that make you happy to not be able to see him when you want?
It takes two people to be in a relationship. And yeah of course he will call you when HE WANTS....becuz then its "convenient" for him.......especially if hes wantin some lovin...

But hey if thats what you want thats ok. I mean we aren't living your life......I give you credit for letting a guy do that to you.......cuz I wouldn't stand for it. But thats just me......

[justonekiss]

I see your point, but when I said I'll just wait for him to decide, it's because we'd both know we'd be happy with it. Sometimes if I ask, he'll just do something for my sake. We rarely do things for *his* sake. Most the time, it's just him trying his hardest to please me, straining himself for it. So, we'll wait until he feels we should see each other. I'll know that he's taking the initiative to move past this break, and it will be on his terms which will make him happy. And eventually, we will get through this, and we will both have decisions on when we'll see each other.

I suppose I should have mentioned that the last night I stayed over we didn't have sex. Actually when I woke up once during the night, I found him holding me with his head resting on my neck. A very sweet and comforting thing to wake up to. I'm not trying to defend anything with this, just tell you that that's not the only thing on his mind when he's around me.

I don't want to see him if he won't be happy. He's made me happy, I want to return the favor.

[Only-virgins]

I would like to call the guy an a$$hole too but I cant. I cant blame him..I act like an ass to chicks that fawk on kitchen tables with other people around too.

[justonekiss]

that was a long time ago dear.

[Tone]

I'm done.

Good luck.

[shh!]

I'm still trying to figure out why you would drive the camera over to HIM when HE wanted to borrow it...

You sound like his lap-dog.

[justonekiss]

How have I inspired you, Kazan?

shh!, I would drive the camera out to his place, because I love going to his place instead of him coming over here, plus he rarely ever does it, due to my mom's outrageous smoking habit and him being completely allergic. I don't like doing things at my house very often.

And to inform you all, in an interesting turn of events we talked in person today. I was looking at a car out by his place, so I asked if he'd come give it his approval and the like. He came out and did that for me, even after I had woken him up with asking XD.

Anyway later my dad and I went out to pick it up, and since it was close to his place I offered to bring by my camera. I did, and he asked if we could talk in private{he and his roomates had a few friends over}. He said he knew I was trying, and have solved a good portion of our problems. That he still needs his space, and it's something that's going to take longer than a week or two to fix. And that's his side to fix, now.

I told him how I liked that he was making new friends, and hanging out with some of his old ones. That I see that we really need to have our seperate lives. Throughout our relationship, it was always just "our" life. Never his life, my life, and our life. He said he was glad that I saw the point of why he's doing this. That he wants to go out, and have fun. Hang with friends, live his own life. Which I'm glad it's something he's seeing too, as I've been his only contact for as long as we've been together, which I'm sure hasn't helped anything.

Throughout the mix, I was sort of tip-toeing around the 'seeing other people' part you guys keep bringing up. He then said he saw that's what I was getting at, and that's something that he won't do. That he's not like most other guys, and I know this.

I then told him that throughout all of this, I just need to know he's there. Without even thinking twice, he told me he is.