Space? when you still live together

[LonelyinSacto]

Hello All ... I googled yesterday about giving space and that crap and this site came along and I read what it said, and felt it was very interesting.

Anyway, my Drama. We dated for 4 1/2 years lived together for 4 years, her daughter moved in with us full time last year (from grandma & grandpa's). So we mutually broke up on Tuesday night after I got off my second job. Then within a few days, I decide this is stupid we still love each other and want us to work it out (counseling whatever it takes). Well in the same time frame I find out that she's been talking to some guy in Texas that she me in a chat room, they've talked on the phone and etc. So needless to say this pissed me off and I just keep/kept probing for answers (and a lot I didn't want to hear). I also find out that she has phone sex with this guy, and that he plans on coming out here so they can have sex. I understand that he is more or less just a "fantasy" that might not become reality (or if he does possibly not long term). My dilema is that she wants her "space" and it's hard to give it to her seems how I still love her and we still live together (seperate rooms) and she uses my truck for work (1st job she's had in the last 4 years, minus a few odd ones here and there). I don't have the heart to kick her out, she and her 12 year old daughter (that I have been a 'step'father to) have no place to go, I'm sure she can stay with a friend some place but ... don't want her to go ... don't want the closure ... Her family is NOT on her side (unfortunalty for her). She would constintly tell me to go out and get laid ... I told her that she's just saying that to justify her own actions. (and of course she denies it). So I went out this past Friday and met a girl and well she 'pleased' me let's say ... she asked me about my night and so forth so I didn't lie ... so today she takes my truck and goes to some friends house where she had a g/f of her 'please' her ... well she also showered with this g/f and some dude ... (who she has slept with before, while drunk) well he let his fingers do the talking with her, and she let her fingers tickle the sack. Needless to say I bout lost it, for her volunteering this info. And oddly enough I still love her and want things to work out, but am aware that, that will not happen for a while if at all.

She says that I keep pushing her away cause I don't give her space.

My personal issues, is that I've always had insecurity issues (not just w/her)

Hers: MOOD SWINGS FROM HELL (she is BiPolar)

When her daughter moved in, it was a tense time for all 3 of us, it was a major change in all of our lives; which lead to many arguments. However, since the break up (about a month now) her daughter and I have bonded so much more. ...

I'm just kinda ranting and raving ... but, any feed back is welcome ... hopefully, all respectful and so forth.

thanks

[Ellynn]

Ok I know you love her etc.... But this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship or a healthy environment for her daughter to be around. Why don't you just pack your bags and leave the situation? Or give her a time frame of when you want her out. I mean she obviously is messing around with other people......so i doubt there is any hope for the two of you.

I mean unless you can really tolerate her going off with different people and use your truck to run errands and take advantage of you..

I would get out of the situation ASAP and move on. There are other woman.....and the relationship came to an end for a reason......

To her "space" means freedom to fvck other men. So move on.

[Late_vamp]

wow , too many bad things in this relationship , she has a daughter , shes living in the same place as you and your both screwing other ppl , she wants her space

this is a bit over my usual level of help.

but from the sounds of it , this relationship sounds like way too many problems for both now and the future .

IMO i would just leave her , and since it YOUR place , if she wants "space" well why doesnt she just MAKES space and moves her ass from there . think about it , its your place , she moves her daughter over , yet shes sleeping with other men and it doesnt even seem to bother her and on top of things shes using your place and wants space ... is that correct?

do you know what a parasite means ??? because that sounds like her ( not to insult or anything , but your feelings are blinding you , you need a slap of reality)

[jcgerm]

Well, I'm definitely not an expert in this area, but I think that you really need to think of YOU right now. I know it seems impossible right now, but you need to forget about your feelings for her, buckle down, and tell her that she needs to leave. You might be in love with her, but think about if this is really a relationship you want. Are you really satisfied with someone who treats you like this? My best advice is to get out of there and never look back.

[Ellynn]

Yeah and I see now that you have kinda moved on to another woman.....and since it is YOUR place....kick her out. Im sorry but honestly shes using you. Why stay in a situation thats gonna hurt you?

[LonelyinSacto]

Thanks everyone, you are all being very diplomatic and appreciate it. Also, your all saying things that others say. However, I know I should just try to drop things, but, it's hard. I really haven't moved on, yeah I met some chick the other night ... but, my emotions are somewhere else. Isn't life great? Especially in your 20's? At times I do feel she's using me, but, I also feel that she still might want to work something out later. Maybe I'm just blind right now and have false hope. One good thing is that I have enrolled in school and try to direct all of my energy towards school, and friends keep trying to talk me into going to Maui in over Thanksgiving (I just might do that) once I start getting half of the rent. .... Thanks Lenny

[Only-virgins]

I am amused at how you are almost ok with her sleeping around with other guy while with you and still want her. I dont even want a girl to have slept with someone prior to ever meeting me and your fine after. Me in your position ( god forbid) I would kick her out and couldnt care less for her daughter...not my seed as they say.

[Ellynn]

The thing is....how can you have "space" while living together? I always find that situation to be awkward when couples break up yet live together.

I think if anything you would hurt each other more being around each other 24/7. Plus seeing her makes you keep loving her. I think if you got away from the situation those feelings have a chance to fade with time.....

[Late_vamp]

dont confuse loving someone and being IN love with someone , i used to love my Gf , but after a while i wasnt IN love anymore i thought i missed HER but i just missed being with SOMEONE , even tho i still loved her , but like i said , i wasnt IN love anymore.

[Ellynn]

dont confuse loving someone and being IN love with someone , i used to love my Gf , but after a while i wasnt IN love anymore i thought i missed HER but i just missed being with SOMEONE , even tho i still loved her , but like i said , i wasnt IN love anymore.

Yup .....there is a difference.

[Only-virgins]

dont confuse loving someone and being IN love with someone , i used to love my Gf , but after a while i wasnt IN love anymore i thought i missed HER but i just missed being with SOMEONE , even tho i still loved her , but like i said , i wasnt IN love anymore.

No difference.

[Ellynn]

No difference.

And how would you know?