How long did you grieve?

[lr1234]

Hello again. You may have read my post about my fiance leaving without giving any explanation. If not see "Long story of me getting dumped" if you want. Anyway, it's been four months, and I obviously don't expect that the pain will ever go away completely, but to be honest, none of the pain has gone away yet. I'm still at the point where this consumes me. I know it's over, I know I will never see her again, I've lost all hope. I am trying so hard to get my life together. I lost my job, my best friend, my positive outlook, and somehow it feels like I've lost my identity. Basically nothing really matters to me anymore, and I don't know why. I have to force myself to do the things that I once loved to do. I'm 25 years old and I've moved back in with my parents in a very rural and somewhat depressing state. I want to start over some place new, but I'm afraid I'll be lonely because I have trust issues with pretty much everyone now. I know that's not right, but the one person that I knew wouldn't betray me turned on me. I cry several times a day, everyday. I try to just block out the details of how she left, but the thoughts come, and each time it's a panic. I was lied to in the worst way, yet I'd still do anything for this girl. I know that I have a really crappy attitude right now. I don't want to be like this, but no matter what I do I can't seem to get the wheels turning again. I can't believe I've turned into one of these guys who sits around feeling sorry for myself, hating myself, blaming myself, feeling hopeless. That's definately not the person I was a few months ago...

So, I guess I was wondering if any of you have experienced this kind of grief for this long of a time. I know four months isn't long enough to get over something like this, but by now I think I should atleast be getting better, or atleast have closure. I am seeing a relationship counselor btw, so I am trying, just not getting anywhere it seems. Thanks for letting me vent...

[Only-virgins]

Thats tough to deal with. In your position though I would never blame my-self...I always blame life for the shitty things that happen.

[Cybog]

The day after I caught my ex-wife cheating on me with another man, I didn't even take time off from work.

You need to man up and separate yourself from this situation. Stop being such a cry-baby puss and stand up for yourself. 4 months down the drain because some broad got cold feet. Sure it sucks, but how long are you gonna pussy around like a woman and cry yourself to sleep at night?

Jesus Christ people everyday face situations worse than this in their lives and especially in their relationships. What the people who succeed DON'T do is sit around like a cub scout after someone stole their cookies pining and whining over everything sobbing "woe is me " until they finally realize that nobody in this world is going to ever feel sorry for you.

You wanna get over this broad? Get rid of all of her shit. Delete her phone numbers. Convince yourself that you are better than this nonsense and move on. Hell your original situation was wracked with a buttload of crap that boiled down to her not knowing wtf she was doing. Is this someone you want to be with the rest of your life? Someone who isn't even able to give you an honest answer about whatever the **** it is she is doing?

What exactly do you expect to happen? Her to come rushing back to you and tell you she is sorry and everything is going to be ok? Even if she did, do you really think you could trust her after all of the shit that went down?

Look, I'm real sorry she gave you a shitty way of dumping your ass at the last minute. From the sounds of things she wasn't really into the concept of marriage to begin with, so stop calling her your fiancé.

“I’ve moved on. You need to move on. I have a boyfriend. Don’t contact me.”

Sound familiar? So, when are you going to finally start moving on? Or are you going to sit there in the dark like a buffoon while this stupid little situation eats you away and there is nothing left but some bitter retard with a pathetic story about how he could never overcome a little adversity in life?

[Mish]

Okay, I will not be as harsh as Cybog

When my relationship of 2 1/2 years fell apart i grieved for two months (as in suffered symptoms like lack of sleep, depression etc...) it was definately very very very hard, but i couldn't go on like that. I moved on by surrounding myself with a lot of people and becoming very social and outgoing. There are a lot of things i learned about myself and about myself after the relationship and it helped me a great deal to become more relaxed and have an easier outlook on things and life itself. The hardest part is leaving the past behind, once that's over and done with everything else is easy (Including the part of finding someone else). As far as you know she no longer exists, so find a way of looking towards tomorrow and not yesterday.

There are girls out there a lot more deserving than your ex, at least try to find comfort in that. Go out there and find them. Good luck!!!

P.S. Cybog, i'm scared to ask what you did to that "another man"

[Chlorine]

lr1234-----"I'm 25 years old and I've moved back in with my parents in a very rural and somewhat depressing state. I want to start over some place new, but I'm afraid I'll be lonely because I have trust issues with pretty much everyone now."

About starting over some place new, maybe you aren't ready for that (yet). But what you should do is take yourself out of your current environment, for a week or two. It gives you time to think without the constraints of familiar ground.
Whenever I feel depressed and cooped up and without hope, I've gone out and bought a ticket and gotten on an airplane. Just to get out of the country. Get away from everything that you know. When you're in a foreign country where no one knows you, it can be so liberating. And I find I can really think straight. I have always returned home in a much better frame of mind.

[TAVS]

hmmm. Well it's been four months since my gal left me. However, through this tmie she still gave me hope. Now all hope is gone, as of last week. I haven't cried for I'd say 48 hours. It sucks but I just have to move on. I was intending to start dating again real soon, but I'm starting to question if that's the right answer. It's probably not a good idea to date, I think being physical with someone new is going to not feel right. But we'll see. Bottom line, the longer you let it effect your life, the more of life you waste. Life is precious, move on as soon as you can.

[Junket]

Grieve?!

You act as if somebody died.

This is rediculous.

[TAVS]

Grieve?!

You act as if somebody died.

This is rediculous.

Love died, that counts for something.

[lr1234]

Grieve?!

You act as if somebody died.

This is rediculous.

Wow, thanks! Not sure if you've ever been through it, more than likely, most have. But it's different for everyone, and yes it feels as bad as someone dying. I don't expect anyone to understand how I feel, you weren't there, you weren't in the relationship.

[gHEXjt]

In my recent case of being dumped after four years, its been a few months and I'm finally starting to get better. You'll begin to feel better when you get out there and start doing shit. It really, really helps.

[lr1234]

The day after I caught my ex-wife cheating on me with another man, I didn't even take time off from work.

You need to man up and separate yourself from this situation. Stop being such a cry-baby puss and stand up for yourself. 4 months down the drain because some broad got cold feet. Sure it sucks, but how long are you gonna pussy around like a woman and cry yourself to sleep at night?

Jesus Christ people everyday face situations worse than this in their lives and especially in their relationships. What the people who succeed DON'T do is sit around like a cub scout after someone stole their cookies pining and whining over everything sobbing "woe is me " until they finally realize that nobody in this world is going to ever feel sorry for you.

You wanna get over this broad? Get rid of all of her shit. Delete her phone numbers. Convince yourself that you are better than this nonsense and move on. Hell your original situation was wracked with a buttload of crap that boiled down to her not knowing wtf she was doing. Is this someone you want to be with the rest of your life? Someone who isn't even able to give you an honest answer about whatever the **** it is she is doing?

What exactly do you expect to happen? Her to come rushing back to you and tell you she is sorry and everything is going to be ok? Even if she did, do you really think you could trust her after all of the shit that went down?

Look, I'm real sorry she gave you a shitty way of dumping your ass at the last minute. From the sounds of things she wasn't really into the concept of marriage to begin with, so stop calling her your fiancé.



Sound familiar? So, when are you going to finally start moving on? Or are you going to sit there in the dark like a buffoon while this stupid little situation eats you away and there is nothing left but some bitter retard with a pathetic story about how he could never overcome a little adversity in life?

Look, I posted on here to get everything out at a time that I was feeling particularly low. Do I think that people should feel sorry for me? No. I was merely writing how I feel in hopes that someone else who's felt the same way would have something constructive to say. I could give two shits if you think I'm a pussy. Hell, I think I'm being a pussy, I won't disagree with you. Do you think I want to be like this? No. You weren't in my shoes. You have no idea why I feel like I do because you did not experience exactly what I did, nobody did. Yes, there are people that have it way worse than me. Little adversity in life? I wouldn't exactly call this "little", but that's your opinion and that's great. Since you seem to be able to put yourself in my situation, I'll put myself in yours - I would have been over my girl if I caught her in bed with another man too, but that didn't happen. Is it going to ruin my entire life? No. Bitter retard? Yes, you hit the nail right on the head. If you're not allready a counselor I think you should probably look into it.

[Cybog]

Thanks, I will.

Truth hurts, doesn't it.

[Ellynn]

People get over relationships in many different ways. They also spend different amounts of time feeling sad/upset/angry about it. I dated a guy for a yr....and didn't date for like 8 months after it ended. (My dad also died a few days after the breakup...so I was kinda out of it for awhile....).

I mean yeah your gonna feel upset and sad and depressed.....and if I were in your situation I would too. But you have to move on... Whether you like it or not. It may take time though....and eventually you will wake up one of these days and be like "ok, i feel fine today" and go from there.

Don't feel obligated to find someone to replace her.....or you will just end up in a rebound relationship. Just go with the flow...try to go out with friends or family. Work on improving other areas of your life.....and put dating on the back burner. Focus on your career......work out.......get a hobby....anything. It does help. Eventually you will build yourself up again and will be able to face things and be ok with them....

Then in time......eventually you will meet someone.... Might not happen right away....could be months or even years from now.....but it will happen. And you won't feel sad.....and you will feel comfortable with it....and things will be ok.

[equivo]

Bottom line, the longer you let it effect your life, the more of life you waste. Life is precious, move on as soon as you can.

This needs to be shouted continuously and very loudly at every single person who is in a break-up situation, until it is permanently inscribed onto their brains.