Getting by?

[Lurch]

I kind of think there should be another part of the forum named "Coping Talk"...

I probably won't be saying a lot of new stuff here, so everyone can skip it if they want. You may also want to skip it because it's just rambling from a really tired and depressed guy. More or less I just want to get some more stuff off my chest.

Had a meeting with the legal services today. Supposed to help take care of stuff like divorce, etc for people without much money. They're supposed to get back to me soon on whether they'll help or not.

So more or less, I'm just really depressed right now. (I DON'T plan on doing anything stupid. I've fought through 33 years, I'll fight through the rest of it )

For one thing, I've never had the opportunity to be much of a social person, and now I'm finding it really hard to do, but I am trying. I was never good with crowds. Thus I've been labeled "boring" by quite a few people... (friends included)

I don't sleep very well lately. Still wake up occasionally reaching for someone who is no longer there. Didn't go to bed at all tonight. Just stayed up and fiddled with my homework, althought my concentration is shot as of the past 4-5 months... Really wreaking havoc on my grades too. I'm really wanting to get out of this city, so at least I won't have to worry about running into my ex on the street somewhere.

I'm planning on transferring college next summer when my apartment lease runs out (Most likely ETSU). I'll try to make a better go of it somewhere else.

I've always hated living here in the city. One of my favorite ways to burn off stess was to go work in my garage building things or working on my car, but I lost that back in TN. Here at the apartment, we're not even allowed to change our own oil

Programming is another outlet for me. I'm going to get more into that once I get my other computer up and running. (This one's on it's last legs and I'm shipping it to my parents to play with)

I like to get out and walk. I need to do more of that, along with spending more time at the rec center.

I feel "estranged" from most people. I'm no good at telling jokes, etc. Hell, I even get crap just for trying to be polite... I was walking down the sidewalk a while back and some women were jogging toward me. I just stepped off in the grass to let them go by and said "hi" as they passed. One of the girls looked at me and said, "Don't look at me! You're too $#@%ing old!". I do have friends where I work though and I'm thankful for that.

I guess the biggest downer is that there's a lot of life ahead and I don't want to go through it alone. I want that someone that I can share it with. I thought I had found that someone in my ex, but when the problems came up, I never even got a chance to try to straighten things out. It was just "Sorry, I'm gone". Maybe I'm just afraid thats the way people will always react to me. If I try to get close to people, I seem to push them away. If I try to give them more space, they say I don't care.

There's a fine mark there that I can't seem to hit.

Well, enough ranting for now. It's getting toward 3:30 and I've gotta go to work and then to class.

Take care everyone,

[TAVS]

That's rough dude, I feel your pain. I had a big problem sleeping alone in my queen sized bed after four years with someone beside me. Even on the weekends, when I desperately need to catch up on sleep, I'd be away promptly at 6am.

Man, I hate apartments for that same reason.

You dont have to go through the rest of life. You found love once, there's nothing to stop you from finding it again.

[Tone]

You dont have to go through the rest of life. You found love once, there's nothing to stop you from finding it again.

And that's what's up.

Everything in life happens for a reason, everyday we have a new chance of learning, of growing, of finding something really great. The only way for these to happen is if we wake up and make that decision to make the day great. It's up to us to choose how we want to live our life, how we want to deal with our problems (that we ALL have) and how to react to things outside our control. Your wife leaving you is over and done with, you have to be the one who decides you want to pick yourself up, move on, and make something out of yourself. Will this be easy? No - but the good things in life never are.

I will disagree with TAVS on one thing - the ONLY thing that can stop you from finding love again is yourself.

[TAVS]

I will disagree with TAVS on one thing - the ONLY thing that can stop you from finding love again is yourself.

Very wise, very wise.

Yea, you really have to work at getting this behind you. Obviously divorce proceedings aren't going to help but moving out of the city probably will. It took me 5 months to get beyond my lost relationship, but now that I have, couldn't be happier. Be strong.