Please Help: My Boyfriend is definitely breaking up with me

[margot732]

I got the call from my boyfriend tonight. He told me that he's decided to marry his ex-girlfriend who has come back into his life just last week -- the one who rejected his marriage proposal. Ironically and crazily, he described his bride-to-be as "That damn girl." I think that charming description of her speaks volumes about just how screwed up this man is.

He will be coming to my apartment tomorrow night to discuss the how, what and why of our break up. I told him I wanted us to have 1 last face to face meeting for closure. He agreed that it's a good idea.

It's going to be a very emotional, painful meeting. I'm going to ask him direct questions about the history of their relationship and why he has decided to marry her. I'm also going to open my heart to him and tell him how happy and fulfilling our 2 month relationship has been for me. And I'm also going to tell him that he has hurt me deeply. He needs to be held accountable for the choice he has made. I'm going to make myself look as pretty as possible to remind him of what he is passing up. That this is HIS loss.

I'm not going to be bitter or vindictive during our meeting. But I'm going to be frank about my feelings -- good and bad. And if I feel like crying, I'm damn well going to cry in front of him.

My mother has this crazy idea that maybe Neil wants me to talk him out of marrying his ex. But I don't believe that; he sounded decisive on the phone.

Anyway, if you guys have any advice on what to do and say during our meeting tomorrow night, please let me know. I need all the help and support I can get. It's going to be Hell.

Thanks!

[Debunkt]

Doesn't sound like you need help. You're going to stick it to him, as you should, I think. Good luck with everything. And don't get too upset, because I don't think you honestly want to be with a guy like that anyway.

[Rob26]

I disagree. I don't see what he has done that is so wrong -- he's following his heart. I see no reason to stick it to him.

[Lloyd95]

I disagree. I don't see what he has done that is so wrong -- he's following his heart. I see no reason to stick it to him.

I agree with Rob; you two have only been dating 2months, not 2 years.

You were the "rebound" girl anyway. He followed his heart and was straight up and honest with you once he decided what he it was he wanted. Don't get me wrong, it sucks on your end, but I think after only 2 months, you can move on. Good Luck!

[Lurch]

Can't say I have any advice for you...

I'm just sorry it happened

Take care of yourself,

[misombra]

why are you going to meet with him again?

[whaywardj]

I believe it's good to have a face-to-face closure meeting with him. Compels him to take more responsibilty for his decision. I think there's a risk in asking into his history with her, or have him explain why her chose her. That will just give you more fodder to mull over and could contribute to your experiencing greater dejection and depression. It would be best, I believe, to confine your enquiries to why he DIDN'T choose YOU. Even that is risky information to be in possession of. You will carry it a long, long time and it will color much of how you think about your future romances. This is a case where ignorance might, indeed, be bliss, and retreat the better part of valor. Yes, have the meeting and dress pretty for it. Remind him in understated, unspoken ways what's he's turning away. But as far as any why's or wherefores about any of it, you might do well for yourself to simply have him explain nothing more than why he pursued you as he did when he knew this outcome was a possibility. Explaining that will make him face himself in ways he may not care to, but should, and may give you information you need to avoid sending off in the future whatever signals you did which made him think it was okay to treat you this way. That is: Inviting you to place in him where someone else already stood.

[pariank]

I feel so much sympathy for you that this thing happened. I know how much this hurts. My GF brokeup with me about a week and a half ago after 3 years of dating. I was just actually a couple of days away from buying a ring and proposing to her. I'm just glad that I'm coping very well now considering how I felt a week ago.

I'd agree with Hayward to just not ask about his history. I think if I was dating a girl right now and decided to breakup with her for the same reason (of course I won't though) and I told her why. I think it would break her heart more than it's already broken.

Years of memories will definitely surpass 2 months of what you had with this guy.

I do hope that everything works out well with you.