Thinking of the future...

[pariank]

Hmm... As I slowly move on with my life one thought bothers me more and more everyday. Now that I think less and less of my Ex and I look forward to the future. I can't help but think of dating again which is slowly scaring me.

I'm not planning on trying to date anyone anytime soon (still planning on giving it months and months), but this thought is really bothering me. I don't see how girls could be interested in a guy like me (I know you'd say that no one would ever want me with an attitude like that). I'm just one of those really shy types that was born with no skills in approaching girls.

I don't even know how I got my ex. Sadly she was the one to start approaching me. I was dumb enough not to see the clues that she was dropping infront of me. She sat beside me and started flirting with me back then and I didn't know that she was. It also took me over two hours just to tell her that I liked her over the phone.

Hmm... I guess now thinking back this picture bothers me. Sometimes I feel like an outcast because I see guys around fearlessly approach girls.

Like always I guess I feel like there's something wrong with me. I don't really know what help I'm asking here, but your input would definitely help.



Details from this previous thread might help: [url]http://www.loveforum.net/t9831-she-left-me.html[/url]

[bluesummer]

You know what, maybe you just need to take some time and not 'worry' about dating for awhile or meeting someone. Go out, have fun with friends, get involved with an activity that you really enjoy......and then when you totally FORGET about meeting someone, you will.

Getting back out into 'the game' again is always a bit intimidating. Don't feel like there's something wrong with you because you can't approach girls - you are far from being the only guy who complains about this. Hell, this site is full of guys saying the exact same thing.

[singularity2006]

You?? Shy? Me too! Welcome to the club!

Don't sweat it guy. It's not as easy as some people make it look. They're just being wreckless. The slow approach always works best if you're shooting for the long term. Find a good lady on campus, build a professional relationship with her, and repeat! Eventually, when you are able to make connections without the backdrop of needing to date, you will find yourself surrounded by much opportunity. And hey, seeing that you've built your basic relationships that far, asking one or two of them to go out isn't too hard - especially if it's under geiss of professionalism.

[Bluevetteracer]

I have said countless times, you must stop making interactions with women a validation point in your life. I got over this in the 7th grade. My father explained this to me.

By the way, at what age do we become scared of the opposite sex, and fear there rejection so much? By fear of rejection, we must imply that we are some how getting acceptance from them in the first place.

What do you care what women think of you. Be concerned with what you think of yourself. This is how others will think of you. Just worry about you.
If you walk up to a women, and ask her out, she might laugh in your face, and walk away. But, there may be a women standing by her, that would have loved it if you asked her????

Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to find you attractive, and not every girl you like is going to be interested in you. That is life, and better to just accept it. Chalk it up by saying "Wow, glad I found out she is not in to me, now, I can move on to one that is". This may happen many times, but there are many girls that will be interested in you. Now, if you just go and ask every girl in school out, you will loose sincerity. Only do this if you are actually interested in them. And look beyond just the big boobs and tight butts..

[giulia]

It's true. When a guy approaches you very confidently and just tries to sweep you off your feet without as much as a hello, it will work...BUT, us girls aren't stupid. We know those guys aren't good for anything more than a horny moment. When someone like you approaches, it's sweet.It's more gentle, and it's more than likely they will want something more with your type than with the 'jock'. It's my opinion, but i'm pretty sure other ladies will agree. You have to stop worrying about not being confident enough.

The more you think about it the worse it'll get. Just focus on YOU, have some me-time. Then out of the blue, you will stumble upon something great. And hey, it's ok for a girl to be the "predator" once in a while

[Prodigal]

When you find that right girl, something inside tells you that it's right... and everything seems to go with the flow. At least that's what I think. I think that things guide themselves... I think that thinking too much about it sorta hurts.. that makes me a hypocrite, I know. But now that you know that at least you know that I do the same thing. I have a bit of a self-esteem problem also... or maybe it's just that I can't tell if a girl likes me for anything. But I think in the end, your own feelings dictate what you do about it.

I know what you mean; I regularly feel that there's something wrong with me, too. Logic vs. feelings... it's hard. Logically, it makes sense not to worry about things but your feelings make them seem impossible. I figure that if someone doesn't like you for who you are, then f--k them. Of course that is way harder to practice than to preach, but in the long term, you're going to want a girl who likes you for YOU, right?

[Tone]

Yay, you didn't disappoint me!

Anyways:

I have said countless times, you must stop making interactions with women a validation point in your life. I got over this in the 7th grade. My father explained this to me.

By the way, at what age do we become scared of the opposite sex, and fear there rejection so much? By fear of rejection, we must imply that we are some how getting acceptance from them in the first place.

What do you care what women think of you. Be concerned with what you think of yourself. This is how others will think of you. Just worry about you.
If you walk up to a women, and ask her out, she might laugh in your face, and walk away. But, there may be a women standing by her, that would have loved it if you asked her????

Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to find you attractive, and not every girl you like is going to be interested in you. That is life, and better to just accept it. Chalk it up by saying "Wow, glad I found out she is not in to me, now, I can move on to one that is". This may happen many times, but there are many girls that will be interested in you. Now, if you just go and ask every girl in school out, you will loose sincerity. Only do this if you are actually interested in them. And look beyond just the big boobs and tight butts..

Everything he said, is what I was planning on saying to you. Also like bluesummer said - just browse around some of the threads here - there are TON of good advice and tips on how to talk to girls, build confidence in yourself, etc.

But read what vette said, cause it's true. Right now you should focus on yourself and building yourself up so you have CONFIDENCE in yourself, which will help you when you meet girls.

[pariank]

Hello everyone and thanks for your replies they are all very helpful. I know you'll probably say that you've all unleashed a madman, but I think I'm starting to enjoy being single.

Alright here's the story. Today I decided to start accumulating lab hours for my theatre class putting up the set for the upcomming play. To my surprise the theatre was a paradise of beautful women. Before we started we all stood in a tight room (actually it was a gigantic workshop backstage but just full of girls and some guys (but who cares about the other guys though ) so it got a little tight). We stood there as the girls mumbled to each other for a while. As always I stood there quiet in my own corner and I think five or more of them just started talking to me out of the blue .

I got so dazed about this that when they started talking and asking me questions my mind wouldn't form thoughts . My mind looked like somebody just took a picture and the flash over-exposed everything white. I know that I butchered their questions and I slowly started to get nervous. I got to work with the two of them in basic woodwork .

I just hope they're not thinking "what an idiot" because of my failure to answer their questions properly. This is getting excited though . Can't wait till this comming tuesday because I get to work there again.

[Illusional]

at the same time, you have to realize that there are also those shy girls out there who are looking for someone other than the bold and confident type. they much more prefer the laidback type of guy who has the same qualities as them. the world is full of many different type of people and you shouldn't hold yourself because you feel inadequate. that is the one thing that girls hate.

raverboy

[Tone]

Basically, you need to just be who you are and you need to be comfortable/confident with who you are.

Whether you are shy, or the bold type - all that matters is to just be you. For every type of personality - there is a girl out there that will be attracted to it.

[pariank]

Yeah... I think I'm just trying to get comfortable in the presence of girls again. I feel that its fun being around them I'm just worried what they think of me. Maybe thats one thing I have to get over.