Negativity

[independent]

If you know someone who looks at the negatives of everything all the time, how do you help them get into a better mood?

I can relate to this - and I can say (IMO) it's near impossible!!

The only options I've come up with myself are:

- just shut up and be a good listener

- dont answer the phone at all

- get them drunk

[Rosebud]

LOL, I'm a helper so I don't mind listening to people expecially if they are willing to talk, but in this case they don't talk much about it all..just make negative comments here and there.

I figure it's impossible, becasue you change how someone thinks...but I ahte listening to someone being so negative all the time, since that's not how I look at things. Hmm, oh well!

[Lloyd95]

I figure it's impossible, becasue you change how someone thinks...but I ahte listening to someone being so negative all the time, since that's not how I look at things. Hmm, oh well!

Ha-ha. right back at you.

[Rosebud]

;P *hate listening

[Lloyd95]

;P *hate listening

No; I meant you are now a "hater", of a "negative" person.

[artyemi]

General question here.

If you know someone who looks at the negatives of everything all the time, how do you help them get into a better mood?

I'm generally a person that even when faced with negative things, I look at the positives to keep my sanity. But I know soemone who when ever something goes wrong get's very down and depressed becasue they look at everythign as being bad, and nothign good happens to them.

How would you cheer this person up with them looking at things this way?

I try to make the usual comments "everything will be ok" and "this is only a bump in the road", btu is there anything else you can do?

Sometimes, it takes more that what you are able to offer to the person to be able to get things up again. I know it's hard for optimist to understand what a depressed person feels like, especially since I am both.

Waking up can be a hard thing sometimes. For everybody else, it is just another day. For the depressed person, the perception is all very different. It isn't just another day. It's another day that the person has to live through.

I think maybe you can start by realizing that you're either going to be patient with that other person's way of seeing things, and understanding that you just can't push the "positive" side of things on them, or keep pushing it and be just as annoying to him/her as you think he/she is annoying to you.

or as Lloyd puts in. the simplest way of all.

[Junsui]

Yeah, but you can listen for years and that doesn't change their perspective on things. Sometimes when you get them drunk, they get even more negative and depressed.

edit: What Arty said!

[artyemi]

umm.. okay?? alcohol, a downer.. hmm I wonder why they're not getting happier??

[Tone]

- just shut up and be a good listener

- dont answer the phone at all

- get them drunk

LoL!

__________________

[Rosebud]

I suffered from depression for a long time and still get depressed but I Handle those times by trying to stay positive. And yes for the most part I am an optimist. So I understand where this person is coming from and why they feel the way they do, but since my tactics work for myself and not this person, I'm curious if there is a differnet approach I can take. This person doesn't drink often btu when they do they get silly instead of depressed for the most part.

I know I can't change the way they think but I figured there was something else that could get their mind off of the problems and think of other things. I ahve found myself ignoring the comments now instead of offering advice, and I don't like doing that. But I think there really isn't much I can do in this siuation.

[Tone]

Tell them to turn on the god damn news and they'll soon see how much more ****ed up their life could be and see what it means to have REAL problems.

[indigosoul]

Hey Rosebud,

Are you serious? There are methods that will work, but they take a bit of explaining. Its the kind of thing you would only do for someone you care about, 'cause it takes too much damn work to use generally.

[Rosebud]

OK, I do care about this person.. So I'm up for it!

Tone! I wish it was that easy!

[Tone]

Seriously, just do some research yourself and look around, it's not hard to find stories of people who have things a lot harder than "Waaah my pet gerbil died and daddy yelled at me and my boyfriend probably thinks I'm fat..." and tell them that next time they want to complain about their life. "Bobby just said he doesn't know if we'll be together in 10 years!!" Then you turn around and say "Well a 10 year old in Seattle just had to watch his mom beat his little brothers, sisters, and his father to death with a motha ****in hatchet."

Your friend needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Whenever I get sad/depressed or whatever I just tell myself "Tone, things could always be a lot worse than they are. No matter how tough you think things are now, there are plenty of people goin through things a lot worse than this."

[Junsui]

I'm glad that works for you Tone! With some people though, it doesn't matter. Depression can cloud your thinking.