Hi guys,
Been a long time since I've posted here. Infact over a year, in the time I've met a great girl and gone out with her for a long while now.
My problem is I am so so confused. I mean, on one hand I think she's a great girl, she loves me, she loves being around me and doesn't care about my flaws & she can be so nice to me. I mean, I care about her so much, she's been through an awful lot in her life and sometimes it seems like I'm the only person she can come to.
I just can't help but ask myself, is she the one? Am I happy? Am I happy with her for the rest of my life? On one hand when I think about the above I think, yes. I care for her so much why wouldn't I be happy?
On the other hand I think, are we meant to be together? I mean, I know it'd crush her if we broke up and I care about her alot so I don't want that for her. But I just wonder is it right for me? Its just little things that bother me like:
Shes a great girl wit a great body but I just sometimes wonder am I REALLY attracted to her? I mean, she looks great but never wears any makeup. Its not like she really needs it but (like the guys will know at least), guys love when a girl sees the need to impress them. Like going out and they add that little touch like a little colour to their cheeks or their eyes. Just that extra bit that makes us go WOW! I dunno. Same with how she dresses. I mean, we can't all be perfect and stunning 24/7 but sometimes when we meet up by day I just wish she dressed a little more sexy for me or something. She acts kinda childish sometimes, like she doesn't dress or act like she's grown up but rathers dressing and acting like shes 10. when I just kinda wish she'd dress more feminine. She likes childrens cartoons and toys when sometimes I wish she acted more grown up. She even sometimes talks about loving me like its some sort of fairytale that we'll be together forever and gets upset if everything isn't always magical like if I can only spend half the day with her because I have work or something. I kinda wish she'd be like other girls and be into makeup and clothes and shopping and whatver else but she just seems to hate all that, or at least seems to shy away from it like she thinks its something bad. I don't now really. Its unfair of me to expect someone to change. Its just like in some ways shes so perfect for me but in other ways I just think "I don't know".
I know this all sounds really selfish of me but I can't figure it out. I have one half of my mind telling me, "Are you crazy? She's so sweet, where will YOU ever get a girl like that again?". But the other half just keeps saying "Is this what you REALLY want?". I feel really attached to her and really care about her. When we hug or kiss I get this "nice" feeling. But I can't help remembering this other girl I used like a few years back. Nothing ever happened, she had a boyfriend and didn't really like me in that way but for some reason when I ran into her my legs used to be like jelly and my heart started racing and I had no idea why... I mean, is THAT love or is it the feeling I have now with my girlfriend love, where I just get this kinda "nice" feeling that I'm making HER happy by being there for her. Should I have had or still have at this point in the relationship, that weak at the knees feeling? Because its not quite the same as that other girl. In fact I've NEVER been like that about ANYONE else which is why I have no idea what that feel was back then. I'm so confused. Am I with her just for HER, is it because I don't think I can get anyone else, or is it because I care for her so much and that IS love. I just don't know.