Sex Before Relationship

[Mish]

Some interesting questions for which I would like to hear everyone's opinions:

1. If you have sex does that automatically put you into a relationship?

2. Should you only have sex with the relationship in mind even if no relationship is mentioned?

3. If you like somebody, should you discuss relationship before things have a chance to go with the flow?

4. If you have sex with someone and are not looking for a relationship, but no relationship was ever brought up, should you feel like you are evil?

5. What do you do in a situation that is developing with the flow, do you go with the flow and think later or hold everything and start talking about the relationship component to make sure everything is set right?

6. Should Relationship or sex come first? (I.e. You spend a long time developing a relationship and then have sex later - who cares good/bad as long as you love the person... awww OR you have sex before you are head over heals in love and that helps you love the person even more)

7. What worked for you?

Opinions? Thoughts?

[PhaZo]

1. No

2.YES

3.YES

4.MAYBE

5.YES

6.RELATIONSHIP FIRST

7.RELATIOSHIPS !!!!

[Junsui]

1. No, I don't think it automatically puts you in a relationship.
2. I guess, if you have it in your mind that a relationship will come from having sex with someone, then you might be really let down when the other person doesn't feel the same way.
3. I think you should.
4. I don't think someone should feel evil about that. That's why I think it's important to talk over with the other person where they will go from there before actually having sex. So both people agree on it being either a one night stand or something more.
5. Personally, I like to know what's going on. So I would talk about the relationship before just going with the flow.
6. I think the relationship should come first, but I know it doesn't always happen that way. Both ways could end up working out. I don't see how having sex with someone first could help you love them more, maybe have a greater feeling of lust for them?
7. I guess I would say being in a relationship first.

[shh!]

1. If you have sex does that automatically put you into a relationship?

No.

2. Should you only have sex with the relationship in mind even if no relationship is mentioned?

What should happen and what does happen are sometimes not the same thing.

3. If you like somebody, should you discuss relationship before things have a chance to go with the flow?

I think it is good to clarify the nature of the relationship before sleeping with someone, but I see that this could be risky if there exists different expectations for the relationship.

4. If you have sex with someone and are not looking for a relationship, but no relationship was ever brought up, should you feel like you are evil?

Evil, no. Shortsighthed, yes.

5. What do you do in a situation that is developing with the flow, do you go with the flow and think later or hold everything and start talking about the relationship component to make sure everything is set right?

I guess it depends on your individual need for clarity. I personally like clarity, but others are fine to go with the flow. I think this is really is just a matter of respecting your own true nature.

6. Should Relationship or sex come first? (I.e. You spend a long time developing a relationship and then have sex later - who cares good/bad as long as you love the person... awww OR you have sex before you are head over heals in love and that helps you love the person even more)

I don't think sex makes you love a person more if you don't love them already. Besides, sex is enhanced when you trust and love your partner (at least for women), so I vote for relationship first.

7. What worked for you?

It doesn't really matter, does it? Things eventually work out whether or not you follow our advise, and lots of advise you are given on this board comes from people gaining wisdom by making the WRONG choice. What worked for any of us may not be in your best interest...

[Lloyd95]

[I]7. What worked for you?

It doesn't really matter, does it? Things eventually work out whether or not you follow our advise, and lots of advise you are given on this board comes from people gaining wisdom by making the WRONG choice. What worked for any of us may not be in your best interest...

Shh!, just answer the question...

[misombra]

1. If you have sex does that automatically put you into a relationship?

i think it puts you into some kind of relationship, but not necessarily a long-term, commited one.

2. Should you only have sex with the relationship in mind even if no relationship is mentioned?

i think a person should be clear about their expectations before they get naked.

3. If you like somebody, should you discuss relationship before things have a chance to go with the flow?

yes

4. If you have sex with someone and are not looking for a relationship, but no relationship was ever brought up, should you feel like you are evil?

no, but i would feel like a jerk if i had sex with someone who i knew wanted more from it than i did.

5. What do you do in a situation that is developing with the flow, do you go with the flow and think later or hold everything and start talking about the relationship component to make sure everything is set right?

depends on your style. i like to know where things stand, then i can go with the flow from there.

6. Should Relationship or sex come first? (I.e. You spend a long time developing a relationship and then have sex later - who cares good/bad as long as you love the person... awww OR you have sex before you are head over heals in love and that helps you love the person even more)

depends on the person.

7. What worked for you?

knowing myself and being able to express it.


Opinions? Thoughts? n/a

[Rosebud]

1. If you have sex does that automatically put you into a relationship?
Well a relationship can be anything..friends, romantic..etc..But unless you have discussed that beforehand..then I would say no.

2. Should you only have sex with the relationship in mind even if no relationship is mentioned?
NO. if you do your likely to get hurt. You should establish that before having sex.

3. If you like somebody, should you discuss relationship before things have a chance to go with the flow?
I don't think right off the bat. It hink you ge to knwo the person and see how you feel about them, if you feel romantic and you don't know how the other person feels then it's time to discuss what they want as well.

4. If you have sex with someone and are not looking for a relationship, but no relationship was ever brought up, should you feel like you are evil?
No, to each is their own. What's right for you may not be right for someone else.

5. What do you do in a situation that is developing with the flow, do you go with the flow and think later or hold everything and start talking about the relationship component to make sure everything is set right?
Read above comment.

6. Should Relationship or sex come first? (I.e. You spend a long time developing a relationship and then have sex later - who cares good/bad as long as you love the person... awww OR you have sex before you are head over heals in love and that helps you love the person even more)
I think getting to know each other first makes things better. Because when you do sleep with them you will be more inot it emotionally. If you ahve sex first the relationship may not work at all.

Stupid LF..how can my reply be too short!!!! grrrr

[Tone]

You want opinions?

Here's one: Question #1 was really, really stupid.

I still like you though.

[Mish]

You want opinions?

Here's one: Question #1 was really, really stupid.

I still like you though.

I'm flattered that you still like me Tone...

Now answer the questions!

P.S. Thank You for your replies everyone!!!

[Tone]

No, I'm an ******* today.

DAMNIT LET ME SAY ******* LF!!

[bluesummer]

No, I'm an ******* today.

DAMNIT LET ME SAY ******* LF!!

Tony, whats with all the tension today?

1. If you have sex does that automatically put you into a relationship?
Not necessarily.

2. Should you only have sex with the relationship in mind even if no relationship is mentioned?

I think you should have a pretty good idea of what is going on on both sides before having sex. If you suspect either of you don't have the same expectations, save yourself the grief and keep your clothes on.

3. If you like somebody, should you discuss relationship before things have a chance to go with the flow?

Absolutely.

4. If you have sex with someone and are not looking for a relationship, but no relationship was ever brought up, should you feel like you are evil?

I think you should make it very clear first that it's no-strings-attached. But it doesn't make you evil. Just blindly fulfilling your own needs.

5. What do you do in a situation that is developing with the flow, do you go with the flow and think later or hold everything and start talking about the relationship component to make sure everything is set right?

I guess it depends on the person or the situation. I personally prefer to have an established idea of what the relationship is before going too far.

6. Should Relationship or sex come first?

It's not too often that a committed relationship develops from a sexual one.

7. What worked for you?

Relationship first - and that's the only way I'll ever do it.

[Mish]

It looks like the majority is going with the clarity option. From personal experience though, when you are in the heat of the moment, discussing the relationship status is not the closest thing on your mind really. I would suspect that bringing the subject up in the middle of "The moment" would probably not fit in with the act and spoil the mood. So then, what steps do you take to establish the relationship component (While staying clear of any places/environments that may contribute to intimate outbursts of passion) to the point when you feel it is okay to proceed with the act?

Pursuers of clarity. Have you ever found yourselves in the situation such as after months of relationship build up that the sex part does not work? (I.e. Not enough experience/drive/passion of your SO to satisfy your needs, even though you are in a relationship with that SO). What do you do when you are in these situations, do you just dump them, setup a vigorous training schedule hopefully which will work or you suffer the lack of satisfaction from this fundamental part of the relationship and continue further?

Is going for a test drive of sexual component before committing to a relationship a really evil thing? If the only way to redeem this sin is to notify your partner that you are test driving him/her prior to the act, how do you do it? (My crystal ball sees a lot of slaps on the face for the person who utters those words)

[shh!]

Why don't you just tell us what's going on with you, Mishayna? Inquiring minds want to know...
:-)

[Mish]

Why don't you just tell us what's going on with you, Mishayna? Inquiring minds want to know...
:-)

Me??? I am but a humble, innocent bystander, seeking to bath in the infinite wisdom of LF members (:

Being single and thus with millions of real opportunities I am running in my head different scenarios, comapring them one to the other and analyzing best response to various situations. Trying to be, as you say "farsighted"

[mini696]

Some interesting questions for which I would like to hear everyone's opinions:

1. If you have sex does that automatically put you into a relationship?
No... But it would make me think seriously about it because I wouldn't be having sex with someone I couldn't see a relationship possibly developing.

2. Should you only have sex with the relationship in mind even if no relationship is mentioned?
thats something you should discus with your partner. If you assume it will mean you are in a relationship you have a 50% chance of being wrong.

3. If you like somebody, should you discuss relationship before things have a chance to go with the flow?
Depends on what you have done previously with this person, ie; have you dated them, for how long etc etc.

4. If you have sex with someone and are not looking for a relationship, but no relationship was ever brought up, should you feel like you are evil?
No you shouldn't feel evil, but the other person may be dissapointed or be thinking you are in a relationship. So it depends on your consious.

5. What do you do in a situation that is developing with the flow, do you go with the flow and think later or hold everything and start talking about the relationship component to make sure everything is set right?
If you are going with the flow, I assume you are discussing the rules of the relationship. When a relationship is at the "going with the flow" stage, I would think having sex is just part of that flow, and you both are already assuming the relationship could be getting serious.

6. Should Relationship or sex come first? (I.e. You spend a long time developing a relationship and then have sex later - who cares good/bad as long as you love the person... awww OR you have sex before you are head over heals in love and that helps you love the person even more)
However it happens.

7. What worked for you?
Nothing yet. I'm still trying to find someone who isn't afraid of commitment.

ARE YOU OUT THERE?? Yes you over there... Are you afraid of commitment or will you also break my heart?? (Sorry bit of a rant).