Ok so it has been a month now since my ex told me she wanted a break, i.e. breakup after 3 years. She no longer wanted a serious relationship with me.
We haven't really talked much. She would instant message me and ask how things are going. I told her I was still interested in working things out but understand that she wanted space. Last week she really tried hard to hold onto me as her friend but not a boyfriend. She told me that if we can't be friends there is no way for her to know if we could try things again. I stood my ground and told her that I didn't want to be just her friend. I haven't talked to her since.
It has now been 6 days NC since we last spoke. She IM'd me a few times during the week just saying "HI" but I never responded. It honestly made me feel good to not respond, but that feeling quickly wore off.
I was hoping that the NC would give me time to heal and maybe allow her to miss me. I haven't seemed to heal much to tell you the truth. The last few days have been real tough. I feel so lonely. So bored. So depressed. Nothing seems to interest me anymore. They only thing I enjoy is working out and staying healthy, but you can only do so much of that. I try to do the things that once interested me, but they seem to be so dull and have no purpose. I hate this feeling. I wish it on no one.
I feel like she has lots of girlfriends to hangout with every night, which is probably making it easy for her to get her mind of things. She is the kind of girl that would rather ignore the problem than open up and talk about it. I can only guess that she is hurting inside but won’t let others see it.
I on the other hand don't have a lot of friends in town since I am new here. I have met a lot of people, but none who I am really close with. I am trying my best to go out a lot and meet more people. I do have a very supporting family that I am very thankful for.
This healing process seems so slow and I seriously don't think I can handle this pain and discomfort much longer. For 30 days now I have felt like a drug addict itching for a fix. I am afraid that the NC and by not responding to her IM's has pushed her away even more.