Confused....

[chinita]

Hi guy, just joined the forum today, nice place to be.
I have a question that needs people's opinions, im just going crazy here...
What would you guys do if you find out that your bf/gf is having cyber sex (with webcam and nude photos of themselves) with his/her's ex? It happens to me, and I just want to know what should I do...I feel angry, humuliated and shocked! I couldnt sleep...Please give some advise....

[Late_vamp]

i would confront him , ask him why he's doing this ?

unless you already did that , in that case give us more info so we can help you better ?

chinita , eres latina ?

[shh!]

Obviously this is unacceptable. How did you handle it?

[TAVS]

Unacceptable. Leave him for someone who deserves you

[chinita]

He doenst know that I knew yet. And I dont know if I should let him know.
There is more to tell actually. We actually broke up about 2 weeks ago before this thing happened. But then the situation is really weird, we agreed to be friends still, but sometime when we hang out together, we both will be like gf and bf still (he is the one who always initiate it), and he even spend a nite with me at my place few days ago before this stupid cyber sex thing happened. Im just really confused. I knew him as a nice respectable guy, im just shocked of what i found out. See, I dont even know if I have to right to be angry at him since we did agree to split a couple weeks ago.

But it's just hurting me so much, i cant sleep because of this. I think he is doing it with one of his exes, i guess.


Now whenever I see him i will think about the photos, i dont know what to do. Im angry and awkward in a sense, I feel that he has humiliated himself and my respect towards him has been degraded.

Should I tell him what I saw and let him be miserable of what he did?

Thanks ver much again guys..

ps: Hi Late_vamp, hablo un poco español, pero mi novio es de Venezuela.

[Junsui]

You guys are broken up, so you really have no right to get mad over what he does now. You need to stop spending time with him. Get away and give yourself time to get over him.

[Tone]

Yeah you're letting him have his cake and eat it too.

[mini696]

Yeah either stop seeing him, because if something like this bothers you (especially if you aren't together), then you should separate yourself from the issue. You have no say over what he does now.

[chinita]

Thanks very much guys! The opinions you guys provided did help to clear my mind.
I think im going to stop seeing him from now on, because it is hard for a long time couple to remain friend after break up, especially we didnt start out as a friend, somemore after this thing happened, it makes it even more difficult.
Plus, it's awkward too when we hang out together, coz i dont know how to treat him as a friend.....Now i just hope that time will heals and help me to forget about him, and see what the future has in store for me. Maybe I do derserves someone better.

[Rosebud]

I think your doing right thing. Good Luck to you!

[chinita]

Hey guys, an update on what happened to my story after we were NC for 5 days.

We (me and my ex) met each at a friend's birthday dinner tonite. He seems very sad and loss quite a bit of weight, I feel sad to see him like that too. Anyways, we acted like friends, chatting with everyone and joking, the evening went by pretty pleasantly.
But during the whole gathering, he will look at me every now and then, sad look, you know, those kind of hurt look that just makes you want to forget everthing and just go back to hug him, kiss him, telling him everything is ok (but I didnt).

At around 10pm, i decided to leave because I have to catch the bus to go home, then he said that he wanted to go home too, so we leave the restaurant and went to the bus stop together. At the bus stop, he told me that he miss me alot, especially yesterday nite, that he almost got over to my place to see me, but he didnt. I kept quite because i dont know how to answer him. Then we went on the bus and he suggested us to go for coffee because he wants to see me longer and he doesnt want to go home.

So we went for a coffee and spend about 45 mins there talking, about his schools, his projects, and he aslo told me that he;s going to get an operation done on December to remove a little lump from his back( it's more like a mole), that he will have to go to hospital and spend a night there, which I think he's just exagerating it to get my attention.

At last, we leave the coffee house and head home, he insisted to take to same bus with me (I told him that he could have taken another bus that will drop him nearer to his house, and again he said that he want to spend more time with me and doesnt feel like going home). While we were on the bus, he started to sneeze a lot, so i told him that he needs to take good care because it's not a good time to get sick. He said that well, no one take care of him now, and then look at me again with a sad look. And then we got to my stop, so I get up and give him a hug, telling him that Im not his angel anymore. I didint look back to him when Im getting off the bus, my tears started to drop like rain. when the bus took off, I saw him covers his whole face with his beanie.

Im confused again, what's in his mind? What should I do? Please help.

Thanks

[whaywardj]

Well, Chinita. Obviously, he wants to get back together. The question is, do you?

I'm not clear on a couple of things. You haven't said why you guys broke up. Nor have you said how you came across the pictures in the first place. Nor have you told us whether you ever told him you saw them. It's difficult to know what to suggest without knowing what's really going on.

Just on the basis of what you have said, though, I'd think it shouldn't be any concern of yours who he sees or what he does with them. You broke up, right? And since you did, though you handled youself quite well during the dinner and coffee, I don't think it's wise to continue with any intimate contact at all, however sad he might appear to be.

I don't think we're getting the full story here.

[chinita]

We broke up mutually and agreed to remain friends, because he is bored of the relationship and needed sometimes to think about it. He also said that 1 part of him couldnt leave without me, but the another part of him just wanted to go away. (we were together for 5 years, and we've been living together ever since a couple months we started to date each other 5 years ago)

As for the pictures, It happened when I was there using his computer to scan and print some stuff (that was a week ago, and I need to get the documents done urgent, and his place is near by). I accidently saw those pictures when Im trying to save my scanned files in the computer. You know, when you close a file in photoshop, they will ask you if you would like to save the file, and then a saving destination will pop up if you say yes. And I think he probably took the photos the day before or so, because that's the destinantion that pop up when I clicked yes, and there you go, I saw the thumb nails of his naked photos.

I was so shock at that moment that I dont know how to react. I didnt go through them, I just quickly close the window as soon as I realize what I saw, save my file, then left. He was there too, but he didnt know that I saw them. And he wanted me to stay and hang out more too that day but I just had to go because I couldnt look at him any minute longer, It will reminds me of the pictures. So I left, and he thouhgt that I was in a bad mood or something. And untill now, he still have no ideas that I saw them.

I couldnt sleep yesterday night after coming back from the dinner party. I am lost and dont know what to do. What is he that he wants? Perhaps him doenst know either himself.

[whaywardj]

...What is he that he wants? Perhaps him doenst know either himself.

I take it that's what the current breakup is all about, isn't it? For him to have alone time to try and figure that out? If so, give him alone time and, meanwhile, take some of your own. Date other people. You both may find out you're just not happy with anyone else but each other. Then again, you may find out you are. It's a gamble people have to take sometimes.

[mini696]

As Whayward said, it is obvious he wants you back. He is giving you a guilt trip and trying to make you feel sorry for him; The sad looks, saying he doesn't want to go home, exagurating the lump on his back, generally being down on himself. He's got a "poor me" personality.