Still in pain after 4 months

[eternalsummer]

Hi,

I posted a few months back regarding my ex splitting up, meeting again after a while and having an almighty slanderous argument (started by me ) a week later.


I have got on with life. I go out and meet people, do lots of things. The trouble is that I just cant get over her. Its really painful. We were together almost two years and the pain is holding me back. Its as if my life has been taken away because she was a massive part of life and of my soul.

Any advice?

[misombra]

i think in time the feeling will wear off.

[funsounds]

it can take a long time...i was messed up for a full year or more because of a breakup after a long term relationship. i'm now saying it'll take that long for you...just that it can take a while. eventually, you'll get torn up about her less and less often...then it'll just about go away altogether. you know you're healed when you can think about her and not get very emotional in any way.

these days, when i think of her because something sparks a memory...it's just a memory. i hope she's doing well. the times we had together were fun and some not so fun. and i have no ill-will towards, nor do i have any regrets or lingering longing.

it takes time to get there though.

[ReneeA]

Well, I don't know the details, but do you want her back? Do you think you can give her what she wants in a relationship? Either way, you'd really need to have a conversation with urself and decide what it is that you want and whether she'd be able to give that to you and decide whether you'd be able to give her what she wants instead of just concentrating on what was. You would definitely need to do things differently the second time around. Try being friends for a while and taking things slowly not to mention building a friendship and rebuilding the things that really matter in a relationship, trust and respect. Test the waters before diving in my friend.

[Tone]

it can take a long time...i was messed up for a full year or more because of a breakup after a long term relationship. i'm now saying it'll take that long for you...just that it can take a while. eventually, you'll get torn up about her less and less often...then it'll just about go away altogether. you know you're healed when you can think about her and not get very emotional in any way.

these days, when i think of her because something sparks a memory...it's just a memory. i hope she's doing well. the times we had together were fun and some not so fun. and i have no ill-will towards, nor do i have any regrets or lingering longing.

it takes time to get there though.

Word to that.

Year+ for me too. But I agree with everything you said.

[alice]

what kind of advice do you think there might be for you? you'll just have to take however long it takes to heal. doing lots of things and meeting people, as you say you do, is the best you can do anyway. anything that keeps you from thinking about her – even if it's just for a couple of hours – the times you really enjoy what you're doing without thinking about her will be more and more as time goes by. there will be times you think you're over it, and the next day you'll miss her more than ever – these times will also pass by (that's what i hope, at least – i haven't got that far so far)

[eternalsummer]

We are not in contact anymore. After she said she told me she only saw me as a friend, and she said a few ' cruel to be kind ' comments that were unwarranted, I verbally assasinated her in my anger and frustration. Made jibes about her appearance etc.

It was the only way I felt as well to hurt her back.

I have not heard from her since. I did email her a few weeks later and apologised, but no reply.

When we split, she used every cliched excuse under the sun. I just simply do not know how it all happened or what I had to do.

I miss her and her family. Ive lost important people in my life and allthough I will one day move on properly, the gap having those individuals not being in my life will always be unfilled.