I just sent my ex of 8 days this letter. We had a very intense relationship where we honestly felt like we loved each other. i am 19 and she is 18 Someone please read it and tell me as to how she may react. The relationship ended with me leaving her in a hurtful way because she cheated on me and then regretted it.
HERE IT GOES
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I don’t know who I am writing this to or why. Perhaps it’s a fickle attempt to organize the many feelings and thoughts racing inside of me. Maybe I’ll give this to you, [EDIT], with the hopes that you’ll realize what you mean to me. Yes, I do still use the present tense. I just hope that you would read through this, and not stop midway. As mentioned before, I just need to organize my thoughts, hence there are no accusations or finger pointing here.
I won’t forget the day I met you. You were walking so innocently, unsure of where you were. You were in person, what I had felt inside the entire week. I dared myself to approach you, to tell you that you were quite possibly the prettiest girl I had ever seen. To tell you, that when I first saw you a nervous chill ran down my spine. I’m normally aggressive with girls and usually get what I have my eyes on. But I never expected to make a move that quickly, though you gave me no choice by leaving the lobby so suddenly.
What happened next is a distant blur. A memory of a conversation I’m pretty sure I handled well. You gave me your number without me asking for it, and it made me realize what a little guts can do for you. That night, we played the question game, and as usual you made me go first.
I won’t forget who I spent the night of Katrina talking to, listening to music on my laptop, and the soft humdrum of your voice in my ear. The next time we would talk would be on my way to DC. I still won’t forget the hefty amount of text messages you sent as I was driving 95 mph. And if I didn’t respond to you quickly enough, you would send a brand new batch. I remember being somewhere in Tennessee and telling you, almost very indirectly, that I had fallen in love with you.
The next few months would be the happiest months I’ve ever had. The trouble and toil of school met with the comfort and pleasure of talking to you. The idea that at the end of a very lonely place, are the arms and heart of a girl who loved me, almost as desperately as I loved her, was the biggest high I’ve ever felt. Much of the way you made me feel had to do with the way you are. I seem to be attracted to the type of girl who has problems in her life, but though she doesn’t know it yet, has the power to burn through all of them. I saw and still see that in you. Its partially why I am writing this letter to you, I fear you’ll forget about me very soon. Unlike you, it takes me a little while longer.
Somewhere during the fall, you left me almost as suddenly as you came into my life. I have my doubts about why you left, but that is besides the point. When you left, I was overcome by disappointment. But it was short lived, and for the next 3 days I moved on thinking I’d never hear from you ever again. By the third day I had almost completely gotten over the fact that there was a strong possibility of a long term relationship with you.
But then, again you waltzed back into my life. You don’t even know how to waltz and you still managed to find your way right back to me. It was unexpected, but it was a welcomed return. I had realized that I missed you so very dearly.
I still remember getting that card from you, with the lyrics written to me, thanking me. When it was I who should have been thanking you for the numerous “Te Amo Mi Papi” texts that made me so happy.
I wanted to make you realize that love is not something you talk about, or see in the movies, but its something you feel for someone. But in the end you cannot make someone feel love, they have to feel it willingly. I genuinely think that you did love me. If not, you’re a very good actor.
As October and November rolled on, I fell more and more in love with you. The inescapable feelings I had for you were now overwhelming. When you asked for space, I nearly had a heart attack, thinking you were leaving. But I gave as much of it as I could to you anyways. I took that time out for myself as well, to figure out a way to not become so attached to you. I felt…..gray, if you will.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier than the moment I stepped off the plane knowing I was about to see you. As soon as I saw you again, I don’t doubt that my heart reached the pinnacle of its happiness. I write these things not knowing whether you felt the same way. But, I loved you, so very much. I don’t know if you still love me, but a good friend told me that when that feeling of “euphoria” runs out, it means you’ve reached a point in the relationship where you begin to love someone for who they are, and not how they make you feel. I have a feeling that the plane ride back to Virginia is going to be immensely painful because I know that in [EDIT], is the heart of a girl I hopelessly wish I still had.
The end of December was…awesome. Spending time with you was a bit strained due to the fact that I did not have a car. But I figured we loved each other enough for that not to be a problem. And it was only a temporary problem at that.
It was becoming more and more obvious that my parents wanted to meet you. My family began asking me to ask you to come with us to dinners, to restaurants. But I could not tell them of what had happened. They still don’t know fully, and I don’t know if I’ll tell them just yet.
Its January 11th now. the past week and a half has been the roughest between us. I don’t know how you feel at the moment. One day you love me, one day you don’t, then the next you are not sure. I don’t know what the time apart between us has done for you, I hope that its finally made you realize whether or not your feelings for me are still there. For me, its made me realize certain things about who I am and what I want.
I don’t know what is in the future for us, because I don’t know your heart. But I know mine. I’ve reached a point now where my mind tells me one thing and my heart tells me another. My heart tells me that I feel for you something very true, more than I’ve ever felt for anyone. It tells me that this is merely a very rough spot in a relationship that is far from over. My head tells me the end was nigh almost 6 days ago. Sometimes it tells me you never loved me at all. Right now its telling me you’re reading this and hoping it’s the end because you have to go pee or something of that nature. But most importantly, its telling me that this letter is meaningless to you. That you feel nothing. That we are truly over forever. If that is the case, then I will leave it up to you to make the decision of whether or not we become friends, nothing, or more than friends. But do let me know.
In the end, it matters not who hurt who and why. Honesty, love, truth, justice, glory, dignity, integrity, and all other virtues are not things. They are not measured by the person who says them…they are measured by the quality in which that person believes in them. A few nights ago when you told me you were going to change, it was the quality of the way you said it that made me believe you. You should never change for someone else, you should change for yourself and I hope that is still a priority for you. It is for this reason that I make my case to you and to everyone else. I’ve only talked to two people about the details of what has happened between us. Its no surprise what a best friend would tell you when they learn you’ve been cheated on. But my case is this, I trust you. And I believe in it so supremely, that it makes moving on very hard. Forgiveness is both the hardest thing to do and the most rewarding. I do forgive you. I forgave you before you even made a mistake. I forgive you because I know that if I were to do what you did to me, you would too, forgive me. I’m glad you make mistakes, it shows that you are human more than any of your daily good deeds could.
I care so deeply about you that it hurts to ponder the fact that perhaps I was in love with a beautiful girl who never existed. Other times I remind myself that you did exist, and if nothing else you made me the happiest person for quite a while. If we are over for good, then so be it. I walk away knowing that I loved you, I treated you as best as I could from far away and with no car, and that my only mistakes were my temper and my curiosity. Maybe I've made more mistakes than I realize, but if I have, then I apologize.
Perhaps, somewhere deep within you, is the girl that had made me so nervous…that I just had to find out her name. And perhaps, the end of us will not come until “death do us part”. I leave the ball exactly where it should be, in your court. But I send the ball to you with a very small note attached to it. It reads: "I love you [EDIT]"
~[EDITED]