Cats and Dogs

[Tone]

> EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
>
> Day number 180
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
> Day number 181
> 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
> 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
> 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
> 1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
> 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
> 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
>
>
> EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
>
> DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
> objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
> cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the
> mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
> Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
>
> DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet
> while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
> stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I
once
> again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on
> their bed.
>
> DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
> attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
> fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good
> little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
>
> DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason
> was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning
> foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
> liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
> teeth.
>
> DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
> placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
> and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More
> importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of
> "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
>
> DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
> snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
> return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to
> be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports
> my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety
> is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

[Lloyd95]

I hate cats.

[misombra]

lol, that was really funny. my head hurts from laughing so hard but i needed it. my cat jumped on my lap as i was reading it like he didn't want me to. lol, funny.

[alice]

you know, in german every noun has got its gender. it can be either male, female or neutral. a "baby" for example is neutral. but most other things, especially living things are either male or female. a dog, for example is male, a cat is female >> now i finally know why!!!!! such a simple mind as the dog's could never be female – thank you so much tone, everything is so clear now!

[Rosebud]

I have heard something similar in the past Tone, but it's still cute!

Lol Sombra, Kitty's are mischievious!

[bluesummer]

That was hilarious Tone!

I love cats. I'm going to be one of those senile old ladies who lives in a house with a hundred cats and has no contact with other humans. I can see it now.

[misombra]

will you be throwing the cats at intruders like that one crazy lady on the simpsons? lol.

toni-you just know exactly what to say. you're the perfect man. if you ever go out with some stupid ho bag i will be mad at you because you deserve so much better.

(i know i'm being sentimental. thank you very much.)

[toohot4pants]

my cat plots to kill me every night...i know it. more than once, i woke up to my cat sitting near my head...eyes staring directly into my just opened eyes. i swear she was contemplating killing me...

[misombra]

my cat zeik throws up when i don't feed him or pay attention to him. and yes, he did puke on my boyfriend in bed one night. he says zeik is in love with me and is jealous.

[Late_vamp]

mans best friend are dogs , and its clear why ... they dont ask for much in return while cats need so much attention , and they are a thousand times more useless .

i hate cats
dogs have been/are and will be the BEST pets in the world forever , dont tell me a cat can drag a human all the way out of a fire , or that they can defend you , or scare of burglars , all they do is cough fur balls and give allergies .

[misombra]

mans best friend are dogs , and its clear why ... they dont ask for much in return while cats need so much attention , and they are a thousand times more useless .

i hate cats
dogs have been/are and will be the BEST pets in the world forever , dont tell me a cat can drag a human all the way out of a fire , or that they can defend you , or scare of burglars , all they do is cough fur balls and give allergies .

i must insist quite the opposite is true. my two cats have never been as much work as my dog. my dog needs TONS more attention tham both of my cats combined. eh, useless maybe but my dog isn't very "useful" either. pets are not meant to be used, unless you're like lloyd and you cook them.

[Tone]

lol, that was really funny. my head hurts from laughing so hard but i needed it.

Hey I think that made me smile more than the original message :)

[Tone]

I love cats. I'm going to be one of those senile old ladies who lives in a house with a hundred cats and has no contact with other humans. I can see it now.

Wait - by then you will have let me have at least one dog right?! ;)

toni-you just know exactly what to say. you're the perfect man. if you ever go out with some stupid ho bag i will be mad at you because you deserve so much better.

Wow thanks sombra.. *tear*

I'll try my hardest! I don't like ho bags anyways so I think I already have a head start there!

[Lloyd95]

I don't like ho bags anyways so I think I already have a head start there!

YO! Ho bags need lovin too!

[vashti]

YO! Ho bags need lovin too!

That's why we all love you Lloyd.