i need advice please :'(

[hungry_4_love]

HI iam new to this forum (just got a account today)
iam not sure if this is the right place to post this.. but....

iam having a BIG problem with my girlfriend... well she doesnt have a problem but its me who is getting all mad and pissed because of her... its because of her smoking... i've been going out with her for about a year now.. well first when i started to date her, i didnt care about her smoking cause, well i dunno..... it just didnt bother me.... but as it got more serious (like for the last 6-7 months) i've been really thinking about her smoking..

i really want her to stop. she's been smoking since 14 !!!!!!!!!! and still smoking.. she and i are both 19 now. so she's been smoking for 5 years... before i didnt care cause it was just like a highschool teenagers relationship that didnt really have a future.... but now i dont think that way and she doesnt think that way either.. we've been talking about marriage, and buying a house near some beach and some serious stuff like that...

I really love her and for sure she loves me too... but i just cant stop thinking about how i can lose her because of her getting a lung cancer later in her life....(or any kind of life threatening diseases) i've been reading some articles about smoking and i saw tons of people dying at age around 35 cause they smoked.. and well, it just freaks me out.....

Everytime i think about how i can lose her because of her smoking just makes me get a huge headache... (seriously i get a headache) so i told her how i was feeling. at first, she said she is trying now cause of me. well she lied. she smoked like 5 or so times a day i think but less than about 8. but i found out later, and after that she actually tried. i think she smoked about... 3 times a day or so... hopefully less though... but well everytime i see her smoking, i just couldnt resist to say stop smoking... and well i did say it.

i kept telling her to stop at least 4 times a week...over and over again.... and i just got mad when ever i said it...... and now well she isnt trying... Its because of me telling her to stop too much right? I have no idea wat i should do.... i really dont want to get into a relationship where i could get hurt later.

but i already am in a deep relationship with her...deep enough that if i think about breaking up it gives me a headache.... but i WAS thinking about breaking up cause of her smoking but ... i dont think i can do it. even thinking about it makes my head hurt...

I really need advices... should i stay with her? should i break up with her? Is smoking about 3 times a day really a big problem that could lead to lung cancer later? (especially when she smoked at age 14), Is it a big deal since her WHOLE family smokes? (her dad, mom, sis, and thankfully not her dog). She could get effected from second hand smoking from her family? Is it really that bad to start another relationship with someone else? cause i dont know if i have the courage to not be with her...

she is stubborn.... she thinks iam trying to change her lifestyle by telling her not to smoke.....

PLEASE!!!!! give me some advices on what i should do
P.S: her dad actually lets her smoke.... -_-.... (she's european (bulgaria), and iam asian (S-Korea).

[hungry_4_love]

hm... i heard sometimes when u get a girl, and as she grows up..... well lets just say that she will be very attractive... and a guy... well i dunno.... anyways back to my problem please :'(

[RSK]

ok, back to the problem........

.........i'm a smoker and i will tell you this:

Smokers do NOT like it when other people tell them to stop...

...It MUST come from here, otherwise it will go in one ear and out the other....



.........you can still be supportive, but you words will mean NOTHING unless SHE takes some sort of initiative First!



and yes, smoking is BAD, especially in her case, since she's been doing it since 14. I don't mean to say, that it's okay to start later. it's just BAD at any age. She doesn't smoke much. 3 to 5 per day is practically NOTHING. but again, ONE is too much....




keep talking to her, but remember, SHE must understand she has a problem.......


........in ANY kind of rehab place, the FIRST objective is to admit to yourself the problem........if she doesn't do this, then there is nothing to work with...

[Rosebud]

OK first off. You have to put yourself in her shoes, do you have a bad habit that your addicted to? if not then think of one and try imagining someone telling you every day how horrible it is for you and actin like your superior and telling you what you should or shouldn't do with your life, whether it's good or bad. Yelling at her and demanding her to quit all the time while getting mad will not solve anything. She has to want to quit to actually succeed. And even though you may sit there and tell ehr how bad it is and all this other stuff, unles she wants to quit for herself she won't.

So does her smoking really bother that much that you would leave her becasue of it? There are all kinds of things that are bad for you including pop, coffee, foods, smoking,drinking, etc.. so yes all these have an effect on you later in life but it's not your decision....it's hers. So basically figure out how important this is to you and go fro there but you will ahve to accept her decision. you can tell her how you feel about it in that it's bad for her and you care about her health but you cannot push her!

[Converse]

Woah, chill out abit. I'm sure you have some habbits that piss her off too. The only time she's gonna quit is if she really wants too, not because you want her to, it might even make her smoke more! 3-5 a day is nothing compared to some people, I only smoke 3 a day usually and I am gonna quit.

My ex hated me smoking so I had to do it on the sly, and when he did actually see me smoking he'd go all moody and shit, it was really annoying. I don't think you should break up with her because she smokes, maybe deep down you want an excuse to break up with her?

[hungry_4_love]

actually, yea there ARE tons of things thats bad for ur health, like wat rosebud said.. but see she does all those.. she dont eat much, she drinks (not much, maybe once or tiwce a week) she drinks coffee... well lets just say that she isnt one of those people who lives healthy.. she's bulgarian and i think their lifestyle is just like that... smoking,,, drinking... partying all the time...

ok well i agree most of you guys.. but iam not using the cigarette as an excuse to break up with her... cause i dont see this as a highschool breakup relationship... well i just talked to her face to face and she isnt quiting for sure.... she said she will smoke about 5 times a day... and well the whole night i was at her house, we were basically arguing about it but not fighting and not really aruguing... well she was trying to make me stop telling her and i was just like in a bad mood all the time.. and during the night i said "maybe First love is just an experience" and well she cried a little bit.. would that be because she thinks iam breaking up with her and she doesnt want that?
Then before i was about to go home, i asked her, if i asked her to go for a check up to see how her health is, she agreed to it. and i asked her if she would quit if she was in a bad condition,. and she said yes.. should i be satisfied with that? cause before, i felt sooooo close to her... i could do anything for her but now, well even if i want to do something for her like make a gift (made by me i mean.. like i used to) i ask my self -should i do i? do i love her enough right now to do it?...

well iam very confused... she said she wont quit, and she is positive and she said she will go for check up like twice a year or something and if her lungs are bad she will quit...
so... should i be satisfied with that? wat are ur opinions? am i just too stubborn? -_-....

[alice]

she's bulgarian and i think their lifestyle is just like that... smoking,,, drinking... partying all the time...

she's bulgarian and her lifestyle …???????????? dammit, why are you with her if you're so prejudiced? i don't believe this. so what the fvck, sounds like she's having a good time not because of but in spite of being with you. consider yourself lucky she still wants to be with you.

[hungry_4_love]

god iam so confused of what i should do..... there are so many thoughts in my head right now... once ill really want to be with her, then later i could just think i should break up cause she doesnt care about what would happen to her later... and i dun wanna get hurt cause of what would happen to her later... then later ill think i love her still~... omg... what would u guys do? seriously?

[Pears]

If you are even questioning whether or not you want to be with her, then consider separating yourself from her for a while. Since you are unsure, just tell her you need some space for a specified amount of time, such as a month. During that time, do not communicate with her at all and see how you feel. Think about your feelings. Things will be clearer when you're not always around her.

[Commendable]

I see where your coming from...my new bf smokes a lot...he's only been smoking a year....he alsoo smokes weed a lot....really I don't have a problem with the weed...if this does go farther, as in living together I would prefer he not smoke cigarettes....at least I don't want him smoking in the house.....he's going to have to take it outside or to the garage....that goes for the weed as well......

[hungry_4_love]

hmmm....but shouldnt i worry about her health though? cause iam so paranoid... i cant stop thinking about losing her later cause of her smoking and getting some disease... -_-.... do i only think like that? .. i shouldnt? or should i?

[alice]

hmmm....but shouldnt i worry about her health though? cause iam so paranoid... i cant stop thinking about losing her later cause of her smoking and getting some disease... -_-.... do i only think like that? .. i shouldnt? or should i?

it's quite natural that you're worried about her health if you love her. but you'll just have to let people live their own lifes. as for "losing her later" – we're all gonna die, and even though smoking is unhealthy, that doesn't mean she's gonna die soon.

[Teezy]

Ask her if she WANTS to quit for you. If she does, then YOU buy her the patch. It works.