I hate to post this, because usually I think I'm pretty sensible in giving advice to other people on here with their relationship problems. Not as sensible when it comes to myself it seems. I need to get it off my chest though. I'm going mental.
Some of you might remember I broke up with my bf in November, and it was really tough for me. However, he hadn't been treating me the best, and I kind of got fed up. We've been taking time apart to sort our feelings out and stuff.
I'm just a bit bewildered because only last month he asked me to go away to Europe with him for a month. On impulse, I said no. After thinking about it, I thought it would be a good opportunity for us to get a fresh start (and have a vacation at the same time). This was about a week later. All of a sudden he doesn't want me to go. I'm baffled. I tell him I want to try and give things a try again, (which I thought he'd be all for, since he'd been crying and pleading me to stay with him and begging for a chance only a month before), and he was like "I don't know - I need some space." Again, I'm baffled, but I comply.
Then all this weird shit starts happening. All of a sudden he's having hushed conversations over the internet with some girl. Says he met her at the hotel he works at, but she lives far away so he "doesn't know what I'm so paranoid about". I find little notes by the computer with "I love you" written in Russian (like he was trying to find the spelling so he could say it to someone). He put the chain lock on our front door once because apparently he was having a conversation on the internet he "didn't want me to hear". Worst part of all is that he decided out of nowhere last month to take a trip to New York with his friends, and he leaves tomorrow....I heard him talking to this 'friend' of his on the phone and he was saying "Yeah, I'll definitely be out in February. Definitely." Wtf?
So the problem is this. I love him very much and want us back together, but it sure looks to me like he's got someone else on the brain, although he denies it or gets mad if I ask him about it. He tells me I'm paranoid and that I can "think what I want." I don't think it's too much to ask him just to be up front with me about it, but he won't, and it hurts. I can't believe a man who said he would give anything to spend his life with me would turn around and chase after some ***** that lives on the other side of the ****ing country, if it's even true (which he won't tell me).
I know you guys are going to take a strip off me for putting up with this, but I love him and I can't bear this. It's eating at my guts to think he could be screwing some chick in New York all week(since we've maintained somewhat of a relationship, including physical). I know he loves me too, I can tell he's struggling with it, and I want to turn him away from whatever rebound-mistake he might be making. Am I being a retard? Probably. Do you think I'm being paranoid, or does it sound like he's got an interest in someone else? Help. And I'm fully expecting to get bitched at here, but maybe that's what I need right now. Please. Snap me back to reality.