Small Problem

[WhatToDo20]

Yeah, but the thing is, it's really hypocritical on my part. I talk and flirt with other girls all the time and she hates it. It's not like I'm going to **** these other girls...well....

But she doesn't like it, and she does the same thing and I don't like it. It's not really healthy. =\

So given all of the above statements and facts, how do we actually FIX the problem(s)?

Brother, let me give you some advice. I know of the issue you speak of, and I have / am experiencing it myself. When you can truly trust YOURSELF, then you can begin to trust others. You said it yourself "I'm not going to **** one of these other girls... well...." The thought of it, crosses your mind, at some point, to **** one of these girls. Whether you act on it or not, you think about it, and let it pass.... (at least one would hope, as you do have a girlfriend)

Realize, that it is the same way with your girlfriend. You see her flirting with a guy, she's probably already thought in her head that he is cute, that he is hot, or he is funny... whatever it is that she digs in him to make her flirt. The key to realize, is there is a big difference between fantasy and reality. If I see a hot girl at a party, yeah, I'll go flirt with her, right in front of my girlfriend... it doesn't mean I dissapear with her in the back room for 30 minutes, you know? And I'm pretty sure it's the same story with her if you've been together for a year.

Think about these little things, ok. When you go to a party with your girl, did she tell someone (doesn't matter who) that you are her boyfriend? And I don't mean like stand up on a podium and shout it out.. but just in general chit chat, did it come out somewhere, that you and her are together? If so, then you are readin way into it too much.

And if you want to do what I did... just straight up tell her that YOU FEEL INSECURE SOMETIMES. Not that she MAKES YOU FEEL INSECURE. Because, in fact, this issue has nothing to do with her, ANY girl doing the same thing would have the same effect. Tell her that YOU FEEL INSECURE sometimes, yadee yada, you wonder why she is with you when she could have some hot guy like the dude at the party. And hopefully she'll tell you some really good reason why she's with you. :-)

Anyway you mentioned that she lied at some point? Let me tell you something, if she lied about cheating/seeing someone else... ****ing get off your ass right now, out of the chair, and break up with her. Girls DO NOT change. If they lie once, they will lie again, and probably have between then and now... Girls that aren't honest, will learn how to sneak things around you. And when they get caught it's "oh I'm sorry *cry cry*" --- yah, sorry you got caught, biaaaattttchh! :-p But no, I learned the very hard way that girls don't change, and gave a girl many many chances. No more second chances, brotha... it's too much heartache -- and when you get into the situation you talked about, at the party and shit, it makes it WAY WAY WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more stressful. Because you DON'T KNOW if you left for an hour, that she wouldn't bang the dude or something.

Dude, let me tell ya, if you're unhappy, get out. You can find a girl that will be honest with you about the things that matter, and you will feel like you're on cloud 9.

Later man.

[King Zarathu]

Brother, let me give you some advice. I know of the issue you speak of, and I have / am experiencing it myself. When you can truly trust YOURSELF, then you can begin to trust others. You said it yourself "I'm not going to **** one of these other girls... well...." The thought of it, crosses your mind, at some point, to **** one of these girls. Whether you act on it or not, you think about it, and let it pass.... (at least one would hope, as you do have a girlfriend)

Realize, that it is the same way with your girlfriend. You see her flirting with a guy, she's probably already thought in her head that he is cute, that he is hot, or he is funny... whatever it is that she digs in him to make her flirt. The key to realize, is there is a big difference between fantasy and reality. If I see a hot girl at a party, yeah, I'll go flirt with her, right in front of my girlfriend... it doesn't mean I dissapear with her in the back room for 30 minutes, you know? And I'm pretty sure it's the same story with her if you've been together for a year.

Think about these little things, ok. When you go to a party with your girl, did she tell someone (doesn't matter who) that you are her boyfriend? And I don't mean like stand up on a podium and shout it out.. but just in general chit chat, did it come out somewhere, that you and her are together? If so, then you are readin way into it too much.

And if you want to do what I did... just straight up tell her that YOU FEEL INSECURE SOMETIMES. Not that she MAKES YOU FEEL INSECURE. Because, in fact, this issue has nothing to do with her, ANY girl doing the same thing would have the same effect. Tell her that YOU FEEL INSECURE sometimes, yadee yada, you wonder why she is with you when she could have some hot guy like the dude at the party. And hopefully she'll tell you some really good reason why she's with you. :-)

Anyway you mentioned that she lied at some point? Let me tell you something, if she lied about cheating/seeing someone else... ****ing get off your ass right now, out of the chair, and break up with her. Girls DO NOT change. If they lie once, they will lie again, and probably have between then and now... Girls that aren't honest, will learn how to sneak things around you. And when they get caught it's "oh I'm sorry *cry cry*" --- yah, sorry you got caught, biaaaattttchh! :-p But no, I learned the very hard way that girls don't change, and gave a girl many many chances. No more second chances, brotha... it's too much heartache -- and when you get into the situation you talked about, at the party and shit, it makes it WAY WAY WAYYYYYYYYYYYY more stressful. Because you DON'T KNOW if you left for an hour, that she wouldn't bang the dude or something.

Dude, let me tell ya, if you're unhappy, get out. You can find a girl that will be honest with you about the things that matter, and you will feel like you're on cloud 9.

Later man.

You're absolutely right, and in every aspect too. I'M the one that feels insecure, she has nothing to do with it. It would most likely be with any other girl that I've had this issue.

Today, something big happened. The guy that she flirts with is her ex-boyfriend. Well, they don't really flirt, he's a really funny guy and she just laughs and talks with him. Well, she's always told me that they've never done anything before, even hold hands. Today, I found out the complete opposite directly from him.

Now, I trust this guy 100% because he's been my friend since 7th grade and he's really kick ass. But her, I'm not so sure about. okay **** typing all proper n shit.. but i know inside that she really loves me. i know it. today was valentines, and she got me a rose and a card she made herself. after school, she took me out to the movies, paid for everything. it was really sweet.

another thing--you're right, i DONT know if she'd bang the guy or something, so i need to give it the benefit of the doubt and just trust her. i sent my therapist this email:

---------------------------------
before reading, know this: i've had an ejaculation issue. for some reason, i last for an extremely long period of time. it gets to the point where she can't make me cum, i have to jack off for the last 2 minutes to get anything out. and when i finally cum, there's barely anything at all. doesn't shoot at all, and there's only a drop of it or so.
----------------------------------
hey doc,

regarding that ejaculation deal.. it's been going on
for a while. i don't feel that in our last session we
accomplished anything, due to the fact that it was a
given fact that i have half ejaculations. this,
however, managed to be stated. but--we never
concluded why this was happening. although, i had an
interesting experience friday. i broke up with
jordyn, and i did it a little roughly. i went home,
and started masturbating later that night. to my
surprise, the ejaculation was huge. later, jordyn
called me and we talked things over and we're back to
normal. but, my ejaculation has returned to its
previous state >

given, i'm a very analytical person, the above
paragraph blatantly reveals the cryptic message
between words that my subconcious is trying to send
me. i'd also like to talk things over with you to
make sure i'm not over-analysing anything, and to make
sure i have my shit straight.

another thing i'd like to discuss in our next
session--self-esteem. i have very little, close to
none. this arizes serious insecurities and it's
killing me. i've tried looking up tips on the
internet, but i just don't know what to do. i can't
just try to "figure things out on my own" anymore, i
need you to help by providing me answers so that i may
lead my life in a healthier way.

writen with large amounts of emotion,
~nick.
------------------------------

anybody have any comments at all?

------------------------------

back on topic, i've been very nice to her all day today. i had an insecurity attack and i realized it was coming, and i calmed down and told her i was sorry for being a dick. i'm not going to tell you what it was about because it is so stupid i would get flamed on this forum lol. yeah, so at least there is hope. but, i don't want to just have "hope," i want to be able to not feel insecure in the first place!!

mmm hope

[WhatToDo20]

You're absolutely right, and in every aspect too. I'M the one that feels insecure, she has nothing to do with it. It would most likely be with any other girl that I've had this issue.

Today, something big happened. The guy that she flirts with is her ex-boyfriend. Well, they don't really flirt, he's a really funny guy and she just laughs and talks with him. Well, she's always told me that they've never done anything before, even hold hands. Today, I found out the complete opposite directly from him.

Now, I trust this guy 100% because he's been my friend since 7th grade and he's really kick ass. But her, I'm not so sure about. okay **** typing all proper n shit.. but i know inside that she really loves me. i know it. today was valentines, and she got me a rose and a card she made herself. after school, she took me out to the movies, paid for everything. it was really sweet.

another thing--you're right, i DONT know if she'd bang the guy or something, so i need to give it the benefit of the doubt and just trust her. i sent my therapist this email:

---------------------------------
before reading, know this: i've had an ejaculation issue. for some reason, i last for an extremely long period of time. it gets to the point where she can't make me cum, i have to jack off for the last 2 minutes to get anything out. and when i finally cum, there's barely anything at all. doesn't shoot at all, and there's only a drop of it or so.
----------------------------------
hey doc,

regarding that ejaculation deal.. it's been going on
for a while. i don't feel that in our last session we
accomplished anything, due to the fact that it was a
given fact that i have half ejaculations. this,
however, managed to be stated. but--we never
concluded why this was happening. although, i had an
interesting experience friday. i broke up with
jordyn, and i did it a little roughly. i went home,
and started masturbating later that night. to my
surprise, the ejaculation was huge. later, jordyn
called me and we talked things over and we're back to
normal. but, my ejaculation has returned to its
previous state >

given, i'm a very analytical person, the above
paragraph blatantly reveals the cryptic message
between words that my subconcious is trying to send
me. i'd also like to talk things over with you to
make sure i'm not over-analysing anything, and to make
sure i have my shit straight.

another thing i'd like to discuss in our next
session--self-esteem. i have very little, close to
none. this arizes serious insecurities and it's
killing me. i've tried looking up tips on the
internet, but i just don't know what to do. i can't
just try to "figure things out on my own" anymore, i
need you to help by providing me answers so that i may
lead my life in a healthier way.

writen with large amounts of emotion,
~nick.
------------------------------

anybody have any comments at all?

------------------------------

back on topic, i've been very nice to her all day today. i had an insecurity attack and i realized it was coming, and i calmed down and told her i was sorry for being a dick. i'm not going to tell you what it was about because it is so stupid i would get flamed on this forum lol. yeah, so at least there is hope. but, i don't want to just have "hope," i want to be able to not feel insecure in the first place!!

mmm hope

My advice to you, good or bad... is to drop the therapist. You mention you have trouble figuring things out on your own, well going to a therapist is only going to nurture that problem, it will not help it at all. Life is very long, and people learn a lot of things at different stages. We all make mistakes, and we all learn from them... Life is full of hard knocks, but the things we learn from our pain are priceless. The anwsers will come to you in time, but rest in the peace that your insecurities are not independant to you, nearly 99% of guys suffer the same thoughts and doubts that you go through. It's a natural thing, and part of the learning process.

Take care brother.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, but the thing is, it's really hypocritical on my part. I talk and flirt with other girls all the time and she hates it. It's not like I'm going to **** these other girls...well....

Let me tell you one thing I've learned the hard way:

People are more likely to accuse their partners of things or mistrust their partners if they themselves are actually the ones who are doing questionable things. In other words, if you are flirting with other girls, you're probably thinking subconsciously "If I'm doing it, she must be too!" Coupled with insecurity, that's going to make you one hell of a jealous person.

[King Zarathu]

hmmm very true. i know that those that don't trust anybody else have a hard time trusting themselves. this makes sense, thanks guys

[King Zarathu]

wait... when did i say i had a hard time figuring things out on my own?