She loves me more than I love her *sigh*

[singularity2006]

I've been together w/ my gf for about a year and a half and just a couple hours ago talked to her and decided that i need a break from our relationship. Starting out, we had so many external things against our relationship and it nearly broke us apart twice. But we stuck it out and kept at it. Midway, I realized she had some real attitude problems that I couldn't put up with. But I was able to stay calm enough that she began changing herself in really dramatic ways. In general, she's always taken real damn good care of me, but I began feeling recently (within the past 6 months), that her temper would not fit well with me. However, during that time, I put up with her a lot because I always kept in mind how wild I felt for her when we first met. She began changing and she grew even more attached. But I think it was after our last major argument that I realized I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. I feel particularly bad because I can't push out those old thoughts of how badly I was treated yet I know how much she cares and how well she takes care of me. But what's tough is that I'm just beginning to really feel those external pressures coming back on me and I'm feeling like I want to give up just to be away with the stress.... but damnit, i know she cares for me like crazy and she's changed and come so far in the past year and a half. But I'm so stuck in the middle and have no idea what to do anymore..... do i keep her or do i re-focus myself on my life (I'm barely midway in college so I feel it is better for myself to focus anyway)? Is it possible that I can get back into the relationship but get those compromises and freedoms that i need?

[Late_vamp]

tough decision .

if you are thinking of staying with her later on (marrying her) ... then i would say , stay with her , at least till all those pressure things die off . then if things dont go right anymore , dump

if you are not sure to stay with her in the future and want to have a good carreer , then i suggest concentrate on your studies , its your future work ... probably forever .
always remember , there are more fish in the sea .
you shoulnt only think about her and how hard she tried , if things arent right then they arent .

ps: maybe im responding like this because its late

[singularity2006]

damn i feel so bad. she txt msg'd me this morning asking me where i was and if i would come back... then i called her and she was pretty insistant on giving me a break. Then she broke down in tears and told me how i don't love her anymore and that she can feel it....

sad part is, i find it odd that i don't feel the same way i used to when she cried.... i feel kind of guilty that things aren't working out the way we originally intended.

When we first got together, things were already off to a bad start. We met at our family business (she was an employee) and my family was against her right off the bat... I've never seen my mom treat anyone so badly before and it hurt. Our coworkers had good laughs screwing with my mind. In addition, she's relatively new to the US so there's a lot of the "being used" sentiment flying around. On top of that, she's older than me by 2 years, which is totally taboo in many cultures including my own. And then her family, future coworkers, and employers (she quit eventually), and my own family started pressuring me about why things would never work out. And I remember that one thing I said is that I want things to end on my own terms if they ever do. I vaguely feel as if they were right about the reasons why we would breakup. But it's irritating considering how vehemently against those ideas I was at the time. Headstrong, not willing to give in. I was willing to marry this girl. But I don't know what happened....

She takes such good care of me though: making me dinner every night for me to pickup after i get off work and head to school, cooking me extravagant vietnamese cuisine for lunch everyday after i got off school during the winter session. she even spends a lot of time encouraging me to do make myself a better person. She went out to do job searches for me, to find small places related to technology that i could easily get into.

But at the same token, I too felt kind of used at times, though perhaps it was unjust considering how flooded my mind was with everyone telling me i was being used.... but i dunno, she never made me buy her fancy things. just help with big ticket items, covering 6 months of car insurance when she didn't have the cash. There were probably two or three occasions where we got into severe arguments because i was being cheap (paying for her car insurance, getting mad at paying for a $60 lunch for the two of us, buying a $100 shiatsu back massager for christmas for her family). But yeah, I don't know if that was an honest reaction for me to have or because of the flooding of my mind that made me worry about being used.

And another thing is that she's built so much of her life around me too. She's gone so far in her school planning, is doing well in getting a good life settled for herself, and the entire point of it: make herself suitable for me and my family. Granted, one should do these things naturally for oneself, but it's hard to dismiss someone that cares for me so much.... assuming her last bit of crying is just a precursor to our 1 week break, i consider if i should pull her back by bringing her flowers, or just drop off the late xmas gifts to her little sisters and just disappear.... i feel bad leaving her like this and wonder what kind of life she would have had she never met me in the first place, and how would that compare to her if we stay together or if we broke up?

[singularity2006]

ANd you know, it's odd. I hate superstitions but she kind of got me believing in them. The horoscope for one of the vietnamese magazines that she reads often has been pretty right on with many predictions. Eerie how specific they are. In one instance, the horoscope said that someone will reveal a secret in her life that will threaten her relationship with me. Sure enough, one of her coworkers black-mailed her to work her hours and then ended up telling my mom (the manager) about our relationship. Then this week, her horoscope said that her bf would leave her. It was pretty damn specific... pretty damn creepy. I wonder if it's just coincidence or is there a cosmic plan out there. I hate the idea of pre-destiny.

[clynn]

Sounds like you still love her a lot, but that you would be happier if She maybe DIDN'T do all this nice stuff for you. If she had a bit more of her own thing going on.

Hmmm.

[Late_vamp]

ANd you know, it's odd. I hate superstitions but she kind of got me believing in them. The horoscope for one of the vietnamese magazines that she reads often has been pretty right on with many predictions. Eerie how specific they are. In one instance, the horoscope said that someone will reveal a secret in her life that will threaten her relationship with me. Sure enough, one of her coworkers black-mailed her to work her hours and then ended up telling my mom (the manager) about our relationship. Then this week, her horoscope said that her bf would leave her. It was pretty damn specific... pretty damn creepy. I wonder if it's just coincidence or is there a cosmic plan out there. I hate the idea of pre-destiny.

i know what you mean , sometimes i read one of those in the metro newspaper (i have 45 mins with nothing to do everyday) ... and sometimes during the course of the day , what was written will actually happen , i dont believe in it but i just think its a weird coincidence .like when i said a new relationship would start on that day or end one ... well later on that day we broke up , but 2 days later we went back together .

or the biggest one iv had was that i had dreams of my ex , before i even spoke to her , then when i saw her and started to notice her , i used to get this strange little funky feeling inside of me , i felt an immidiate special feeling to her especially when she was around (same metro , same hallway...) , it wasnt physical attraction , i tought it was back then , i somehow knew i was going to have her ... turned out i was right ... i think it was destiny , a step i had to do in my life , ment to be ... actions cause other future actions , cause and effect ...

because of her i got kicked out of school with her , she was going to suicide , i stopped her from doing that , who knows ,maybe if i would have stayed i would have gotten stabbed or mugged .

my dad went to see a teller once , she predicted some things , all came true , i am also curious to know some things , but at the same time i dont believe 100% and its kind of good to keep my future a surprise and unexpected , imagine if i knew when everything was going to happen , how boring would it be ...

[gingerbabe86]

i don't know wat to say... cause i know i love my bf more than he loves me. I would be heart broken if this happened to me and i know u'r gf would be too. U should really talk it out with her cause it sounds like u do care just don't know how to go about it. I think in a relationship both partners should have their own personal space seems like she's not really giving u any that's why u'r feeling she's over powering u'r life. She's just too dependent on u, but do u really want to end the relationship after wat u guys have been through? I feel sympathy for her cause who else can she turn to other than u, u'r her bf. Obviously not her co-workers.. look how they treat her.. black mail her just so she can take the shift.. that's so bullshit. And not u'r family cause they disagrees with this relationship in the very beginning. I hate to say this but when u do decide to break up with her don't regret for losing such an awesome girl that would cook for u, worry and help u out with u'r career, change herself and work hard on her own career just to be with u. And so u'r family won't look down on her.

[Rosebud]

Well you've noticed things about her you don't like, and don't agree with. i do think there are outside factors that are also persuading your decision. But I think you know what you want/have to do, you just don't want to feel bad about it or know how to do it. The thing I can say, is you should tell her how you feel. it's never good to wait until you make your decision becasue the person on the other end will be in complete shock and do and say things that they normally wouldn't do if they had time to think everything over. So talk to her about it and express yourself.. You know your ready to move on, and it's up to you as to how to go about it.

[artyemi]

Staying with her longer would only deepened your resentment of unforgiven things.

[singularity2006]

Staying with her longer would only deepened your resentment of unforgiven things.

Things had since cleared up with regard to issues discussed in this post at least until today. We got into a real nasty argument today as new and old things re-surfaced.

So a history: a dump truck side swiped her car while she was parked (the truck was turning left with her car on the right... the wide turn side swiped her car) and the police refuse to point blame. After a mess with her cheap lawyer, she decided to go sue the dump truck company herself in small claims court. The problem is that she doesn't have that great of English although the court system does offer translations.

Today, she got some of the paperwork done and asked me to go with her to the pre-hearing and I told her i wasn't sure how I could work that in. I personally feel very uncomfortable doing these really huge things as they are out of my area of expertise. I told her I would try but could not promise anything. She felt bad.

I felt bad too considering how when it comes to the really big problems she sometimes gets into, I'm somewhat reluctant to help. I prefer to take a passive role and do not like to handle paperwork (filled out her CHP report for her first car accident, assisted her translating to the police during the 2nd accident with the dump truck, were instances i dived in). But stuff like paying for her car insurance ($500 out of my pocket) was kind of hard to swallow. Then today, it was kind of difficult. I have a very skewed view of relationships that has probably been skewed since day one with all the crap i get from my brothers about how i should be having fun and not getting too serious like she's family or something.

Tonight, I called to apologize and said that I felt terribly aweful that I don't give her the time that she wants and don't help her in all the ways I can and felt that it was probably because I am too immature for this relationship (people around us constantly rag us about me being 2 yrs younger than her) and didn't know what to do.

I kept apologizing and apologizing, and for some queer reason she brought up my best friend, whom she is terribly jealous of. And she said I would have been happier dating my best friend because she does not demand anything of me (me and my best friend nearly had something go on a year before I met my gf but i never acted on it because it felt too weird). Then I said that my best friends demand hella from her bf and he satisfies it. I told my gf that to show her that she should not feel bad that she depends on my so much because it happens.

From that, we got into an argument that I allegedly promised my gf i would never speak to my best friend again because it makes her jealous (I promised only that I would never go out w/ my best friend - which is not too bad since i actually hardly go out w/ her anyway; just talk at school or online). WTF?! I can't just throw away my best friend like that.... i've known her for well over 6 years, much longer than my gf but I DO KNOW MY LIMITS! My gf comes from a traditional background, but surely she can't be serious about this. I actually have not talked to my best buddy in quite a long time and have only chatted for a couple minutes online once ever few weeks. Then my gf said I have a big mouth and talk to people about her and reveal her secrets and that she "hates" me.... she repeated that word several times. I broke down and smashed my phone (literally). The battery flew out and all but it still works.

She says that if i don't call her tonight, i will never see her again. I'm hurting real bad because i don't want to throw away my best friend and i don't want to throw away my gf. But after my repeated reluctance to jump in when she really needs help, I question how good of a bf I can be regardless of how I feel inside.

it's 11PM.... i don't know if i should call or not.

[vashti]

Well, it's probably too late now, but for what its worth, I'd say you don't seem to be completely invested in this relationship. If you were, it shouldn't be such a big deal to go to court with her (assuming it didn't interfere with your own work schedule).

That being the case, I'd be careful about getting rid of best friends, but in all honesty, I think most women would have a problem with their man having a female for a best friend, for obvious reasons.

[singularity2006]

Well, it's probably too late now, but for what its worth, I'd say you don't seem to be completely invested in this relationship. If you were, it shouldn't be such a big deal to go to court with her (assuming it didn't interfere with your own work schedule).

That being the case, I'd be careful about getting rid of best friends, but in all honesty, I think most women would have a problem with their man having a female for a best friend, for obvious reasons.

I guess she does have a point with the best friend thing but yeah, the court thing is in the way of work and takes up more time than i can easily give. But anyone, i called her up and things seem ok now..... but they feel volatile. I'm sleepy, so sleepy...