been lied to? any advice welcomed

[craig]

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hey guys n girls i have a bit of a problem on my hands here and was hoping you could help

right the thing is my gf is off away for a week with another family. one of the family members is a guy. this hasnt bothered me at all before. weve been goin out for 8 months and i know she meets up with him sumtimes and their family go see each other. before we were goin out her ex (my friend) had a major problem with her seein this guy and got me to ask if she liked him at all or ever has and she sed no. Then wen we got together i asked again and she assured me that she has/had no feelings for him wot so ever so really i had no problem with her goin away with him. THEN... this is where im guna get slated, i was lookin thru an old jotter of hers and she had started writing a diary and i read a bit (i know i was wrong and shows no trust!) was from wen she went on hol with him last year and basically it sed how she really liked him, wen he cuddled her it felt amazing, how she wants to be with him etc but couldnt for some reasons.then it goies on to say how me n her got together and that she realised she really really liked me and it took her mind of him (now i feel like i was second best). I slyly asked her the other day if she has ever wanted to be with him, ever fancied sum1 else whilst off out with her ex, ever had any feelings other than friends towards him and she sed no. i asked her to promise me and that i wouldnt mind if she did just as long as it was the truth and again she sed she hadnt!! so the thing is shes lying to me about him. I feel she could have lied about loads of other things now. i no she liked him wen she was with last bf and now her family is off away with his! do u think she still like shim thats y shes not telln me truth or is tt to not hurt my feelings as its all in the past? u rekon ive got anything to worry bowt! i can just imagine all the flirting in the pool etc and its drivin me crazy! any words of wisdom would b arppeciated!!

[vashti]

Words of wisdom: don't make people lie to you by asking questions you already know the answer to, especially when there is no answer that will please you.

[Lloyd95]

So you're dating your friends ex-girlfriend??

[craig]

yer theyd split up for like 5 months though and i mayd sure he was cool with it first. anyway wots that go to do with the initail thread? Vashti i know i already no the answer to it but i was jsut wondering if the fact she lied to me means she still likes him and if shes lied to me about that she may have lied to me in the past. i no i brought this on myself my reading wot i did. just wish she would b honest with me. shall i tell her i read wot i did?

[vashti]

You want to tell her you were snooping around in her diary?

Well, I suppose if you are expecting complete honesty from her, you should be completely honest, too.

However, your snooping is worse than her lying. She was probably just trying to spare your feelings. In other words, she was trying to protect you. You, on the other hand, were just snooping.

[Lloyd95]

I think you should snoop in her diary, yet again, after she gets back from this vacation with him and see what she had to say.

[TAVS]

If she's not putting her Diary in a safe; it's fair game.

[Gigabitch]

She can't win. If she comes clean and tells you she did have feelings for this guy, she's admitting she's lied to you at least four times.

What do you want? Do you want to know she's really into you instead of this other guy, or do you want to punish her for ever liking him in the first place?

[alice]

if he doesn't stop snooping, he'll only punish himself.

[Confused2005]

Snoop away....it seems her diary will tell you exactly what you want to know.

But in all honesty it sounds like she likes you a lot and although she might fancy this guy (we all see and meet people we fancy right?!?!?) I dont think you have anything to worry about.

[craig]

i want to tell her i read her diary so then she may tell me the absolute truth but then parts of me feel that im makin a fuss over nothing. ive told her that i really dont mind if she did like him i just want to know. keep this advice coming guys i apperciate it. it scares me to think that she liked him whilst of out with her ex, maybe she still likes him wen shes off out with me?! i no i was wrong to snoop but y wud she lie? if gave her every opportunity to come clean and i really wouldnt mind about it.

[vashti]

Listen, either you decide to trust her or you don't. You are right - you are making a big deal out of nothing, and honestly, if I were her, it would give me second thoughts about keeping you. You don't have a RIGHT to know every little thing that goes on in her head, so long as she is faithful. Let this go before she lets YOU go.