Meant to be, or meant to bore? HELP! (Long story)

[Somebody_Else]

I apologize for the long story here...But, there is a lot to cover here, so bare with me if you've got the time. I would certainly appreciate some outside input!

First, I'm a 24 yr old male. My girlfriend is 22.. I'll call her Jessica for the story...

Now, for the history.

About 7 years ago, I met Jessica. An absolutely drop dead beautiful girl. (Yes, she was underage, being only 16, and me 18 at the time) but, in my own defence, she was very mature for her age, and I had just turned 18. Anyway.. From the moment I saw her, I was hooked. We hit it off from the very start. I knew that she met my every expectation in "What I want" in a girl. Looks, personality, the whole 9 yards.. And, the fact that she was still a virgin didn't hurt the whole "perfect picture"... After hanging out with her for a while, and things got physical, we ended up having sex. No, I didn't pressure her, or anything like that. It was completely up to her, and I never once tried to "convince her" or talk her into doing anything.
Unfortunately, I wasn't in the frame of mind to start a serious relationship at that time. She was well aware of that before we had sex. I did have strong feelings for her, but at the time, I was in a break up (one of MANY) with a girl that I had been with for a year, and I was also in a stupid frame of mind where I wanted to have sex with as many girls as I could.. I was a player. Simple as that.
I ended up getting back together with my ex-girlfriend, and didn't see anymore of Jessica for nearly a year. I thought about her everyday, and missed her like crazy the whole time, even though I was with someone else. When I finally did see Jessica again, ( during another break-up period with the ex) It was Christmas Eve. We spent the night together.. Had sex, talked and talked, and nothing had changed. We were still a perfect match. However, she had just started "dating" a guy.. I didn't hear from her for 2 or 3 days after she left that Christmas day. Then one night she showed up in tears, and told me that she was in love with me, but did not want to hurt her new boyfriend the way I had hurt her when I went back with my ex-girlfriend a year ago, because he was a nice guy, and didn't deserve that. I begged her to stay, but then I realized, she was right, and told her if things did not work out with the new boyfriend, to come back to me, and that I would wait as long as it took for her to return.
I ended up getting back together with my ex, AGAIN.. And for the next 6 years, was in and out of that horrible relationship. I never heard from Jessica again. I knew her brother, and would ask him about her when I saw him. She stayed with the same guy the whole time, and ended up having his child. I kicked myself every day for not taking the chance when I had it, but always knew, if she ever came back to me, I would be ready for her, even with a baby.

Well, about 6 months ago, it happened. I had finally gotten out of the nightmare relationship only 2 months earlier, and Jessica saw me going into the store, so she stopped to say hello. She proceeds to tell me that she too had just gotten out of her relationship, and was now a single mom. We talked for a while, and exchange numbers. On the way home, I was in total disbelief of who I had just finished talking to. 6 years of wishing and waiting.. And the timing couldnt have been more pefect! Finally, after 6 years of thinking I had screwed up my chance with having the girl of my dreams, she was back!
Needless to say, within a few days, we were in a relationship, and a wonderful one. It's been 6 months...For the most part, everything has been great. I stay there most nights, and have pretty much moved in for the most part. She wants me to move in completely, but I just feel more comfortable " staying there a lot".. Her son is almost 3, and I'm the only father figure he has. His real dad only takes him every other weekend, and he wouldn't do that if he didn't have to...
Here's the problem... Over the past month, maybe a little more than that... Things just aren't happening between us.. The relationship has taken a very boring turn. We don't talk much.. She's never interested in anything I'm interested in. Simply put, our relationship has turned into BLAH! We went from being totally into each other, and just the perfect couple, into this Been married for 35 years mode. It's like, good morning... Hey, how was work, fine...watch some tv, maybe some light conversation, VERY light conversation I should say...And then, goodnight, love you, love you too... And it's like that every day. She constantly wants to be near me, in the same room, whatever.. but offers no good company at all.. She just sits there... It's driving me insaine. She wont go to be unless I get up and go get in bed. She'll fall asleep on the couch while Im watching tv, and I'll tell her to go get in bed, and she say's , "I am in a minute", but never does. Not until I go to bed.. I have to literally fuss at her for her to go get in bed without me. And that would be fine, if she was actually talking to me, or watching a show with me, etc... Just being good company you know? But she's not.. She's just, there... I love her, and she loves me.. But thats about all there is to this relationship now... I do no want to end it.. I want to fix it. I thought maybe she wasnt happy anymore with me, but when I bring it up, she swears shes truely happy, and wants to make me happy too.. And when I talk to her about this problem, it gets better for about 2 or 3 days. She's talkative, and friendly, and acts interested in things I talk about, or watch on tv, or things Im doing, etc... But then it's right back to the Blah mode... It's not like Im just into what im interested in either. I try to get her to talk about things she does, and find out more about what she enjoys, or is interested in, but I get nothing... It's like, she's not even interested in the things she likes.. But during the first few months, she wasn't like this. She was full of life and made a great companion. I dont understand what happened to cause this change of personality in her..

If you took the time to read this, and have ANY advice, or opinions to offer, I would love to hear what you have to say. I'm just completely stumped at this point, and dont know how to go about making this relationship better for the both of us. She seems miserable, but swears she is happy. And I can kind of say that I feel the same way. I'm miserable with the way things are, but I'm still happy with her, and want to be with her. However, I want to be happy with her AND the relationship we have.

[Ellynn]

I think what happened is the two of you settled into a routine. Or maybe you were longing for a person who isn't the same person anymore. I mean her life has changed.....yours has changed.....since you were 16 and 18 etc....

Sometimes it happens. You truly love someone but you find yourselves with nothing in common. If it bothers you that she is in the same room.....even without a conversation......then somethings wrong. Maybe she wants to be near you. Some couples can do that. Sit in a room and not say a word....but yet have a conversation.
But I understand what you mean by her seeming bored. Shes happy.......or so she says......but you two should not be making yourselves miserable in the process of trying to make each other happy.

Somethings gotta give...

I know you have talked to her and it helped things only temporarily.. But I would seriously consider having one big heart to heart with her. Tell her how you feel......the good and the bad...etc. Tell her how you feel.......like things are just boring. That you feel she is miserable......from her actons. Then you two need to do something about it.

Maybe find things you both can do together...outside of the normal routine. Try getting away (if possible) for a romantic weekend.
Women love to be surprised with little stuff. Do you do little things for her that make her feel loved and appreciated?
Alot of couples who have been married for a long time are either unhappy and just stay together out of convenience.....or they find new ways to fall in love with each other all over again.

Maybe she is quiet and all that becuz she feels you are bored with everything. And shes afraid to confront the issue just as you kinda are. But you two need to communicate. Or at least get her to open up enough to confide in you....what would make HER happy as well as share what would make YOU happy. You can't do one and not the other...

Yeah some of the guys on here are gonna diss my attempts at trying things to get that spark back.......but from what I can tell......YOu love her. So therefore you will do whatever it takes to be with her. So maybe by trying some of this stuff it will help.

If it still doesn't help......then all I can say is......Love is not supposed to make you feel like shit all of the time. You do deserve some happiness and maybe its not with her.

Good luck! Keep us updated.

[pinkpuca84]

yea...i agree with elynn...i really think u guys are trapped into routine now. maybe it's because u're with her 24/7 ? i suggest u both give space to each other,i mean..go do the things u like, and let her do the things she likes, there has to be something! then when u two are not talking, dont feel bad, or bored, just enjoy each other company. hold her hand when u sit with her, hug her, listen to music, watch movies at home, something that doesnt require much talking. i've been there but we me and my ex didnt feel bore at all...just being with each other already made us happy. remeber the song "when u say nothing at all?" by ronan keating? hehehe...okay okay...i'll stop joking now...anyway,...get my point?

[Ellynn]

Pinkpuca brought up a good point about space. Sometimes people need it from each other. Doesn't mean you have to break up etc. But I think its important to emphasize that its important to have a social life outside of a relationship. (like hanging out w/ friends or doing something other then being together all the time.)

You should not lose your identity and give up everything else while being in a relationship. Your just gonna end up smothering each other...

So maybe a little more space would help.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she has emotional issues surrounding intimacy that cause her to shut down. Or maybe she's really boring.

Some people have this perverse addiction to romance that causes them to see everyday life as unsatisfactory. They think that the endorphins in their sex-addled brains are just a taste of what "forever" will be like. Maybe she was thinking that being with you would solve all of her problems, and the reality is a big letdown.

Or....maybe you thought that.

[Somebody_Else]

Wow, these comments you all made are awesome. I wish I had time to respond to them, but I've got to get to bed for work in the morning.. But I will DEFINATELY respond to everything tomorrow afternoon.
Again, great comments!