He loves me, he loves me not

[sheera]

I've loved HIM since I was 15...he was my very first date (not boyfriend, but out in a car date). He left me and reunited back with his old girlfriend - I've never been so hurt by a guy. This affected me more than any other break-up in my life. He left by just vanishing, and having one of his friends tell me about 2 weeks later. I was crushed.

Four years later I am dating a new man (Jim) who I am serious about. I'm at a party with a friend and then I see HIM back from the service. HE tells me he never stopped thinking about me and was so sorry. We kiss and snuggle. I'm elated and confused.

HE calls me a *few* times (read the asteriks*). He doesn't call enough, but then again even if he did I'm confused...I'm dating Jim who is good to me and I love him. After days of not calling, when I do get a call I tell him I'm dating another man that is a better fit for me. I'm happy I hurt him like he hurt me.

A year or less later I go to a party that an old and dear friend is holding. HE and she are dating!!! This friend always did like to date boys I've dated, and hurt me in the past over this. I see him at the party and he is VERY rude to me - goes out of his way to be nasty. I give it back a bit, and end up hurting the relationship between me and my friend.

****In the meantime, My parents tell me that when HE was back into my life (a year or more prior) they hid the fact he was calling me so much. They never gave me the messages. They wanted me to stay with the man I was dating.****

HE and my friend get serious, and Jim and I get serious. When we all meet up he is outwardly rude to Jim each and every time. My friend and I grow apart even more.

HE and she get married, Jim and I get married. Families and babies.

Fast forward years later. My friend and I get friendly again. I move back to my old hometown. HE and I are civil, HE is better to Jim.

Now here's the juicy part: He opens a business, and I am working there with HIM. I've been there 2 weeks. At first he is talkjative to me when the other employee leaves. Buys me coffees, seems elated. I am thrilled deep down, my love for him has never died. I would never do anything about it though. Then, week 2 he is a different person....not talking much to me, more distant.

I just want to know...is HE still interested? Or is it in my mind? If HE once was, did he lose interest? Hot one week, cold the other. I don't get it. He did seem to cool down after he overheard me laughing on the phone with my husband.

I would never cheat, I just can't help wondering if he still feels something for me after all of these years.

I can't stop thinking about HIM

[parentdetective]

I don't think that is a good situation. It would be way too hard to deal with everyday and then go home to your husband and family...

[bluesummer]

Wow, I really think you are putting yourself in a bad situation here.

I think the bottom line is, who cares if he has feelings for you still? You're both married and nothing can ever come of it anyway, so it's pointless to keep dwelling on the past. His attitude towards you probably comes off hot and cold because he's trying to be friendly, then feeling guilty that he might be being OVERFRIENDLY. Or maybe he sees that you're reading waaaayy too much into his friendliness and it's making him uncomfortable.

For both of your sakes, I really do not advise you to keep working together unless you can get your silly teenage romance out of your head. Your husband should be your number one priority, and his feelings towards you should be your only concern. I think it's wrong you are still seeking the affection of another man while you are married.......you say you would never cheat, but then what is the desired outcome here? What is it you want from this man? Cheating isn't always a physical thing my dear......cheating can also be strictly emotional.............

[Ellynn]

I gotta agree with the others.....bad situation. Plus, he was a jerk to you back then and dropped you so fast...... If he wanted to be with u, he would have......no matter what your parents did etc.... Fact is he married your friend......and your married. Move on..... Even if your not into your husband as much as you wish you were, think about your kids....

[Gigabitch]

I would never cheat, (

You don't have to lie on the internet.

I think you're considering it, even though you know it's wrong.

I also think you know you should quit that job. You're like a six year old with a pack of matches. Put them down.

[sheera]

He's not the type of man I'd want to be married to.

I was just having old feelings come back - he's the type of guy who you have a crush on but not marry. Kind of like a "bad boy", if you know what I mean. But the one who I never really got over.

Thank you for your advice....I was caught up in the moment and had old, unsettled feelings.