should I or should I not?

[hermionegranger]

Here goes.

Last summer I was working in a warehouse. I met a guy there. And I have to say - he has everything I'm looking for. He has long hair, he has a great body, but also he's intelligent, funny, likes to read and knows a lot about music. He doesn't smoke and he doesn't drink. At once we started to get a long very well. At that time I had been in a relationship with my (ex-)boyfriend for a year. And though I understood, that 'the new guy' was much more suitable for me, I... I held my eyes closed and told myself: "You're commited and you're not gonna ruin your relationship because of a sudden stupid emotion." Now I know it was a mistake. In winter I started having serious arguments with my ex and in spring... I broke up with him. Actually we had our great moments, too, but I just couldn't argue anymore. And now I'm glad it's over! But...

About 2 weeks after the break up and the crying I suddenly realized that 'the new guy' was right for me. When earlier I just knew that he was a great guy then afterwards it hit me - he was the one! We'd been chatting constantly via MSN (every weekend) and every time we talk we laugh SO hard. The last time we both had tears in our eyes. So I started waiting for summer... then I'd see him more often. (EVERY DAY!) Last summer he actually made it quite clear to me that he liked me and that he was interested, but... I couldn't. Now I was hoping that he would still be available. (egoistic, huh?) But one day it came out, that he had a girlfriend. She looks a lot like me and she even has the same name. And... all my dreams just crashed, burned and vanished.

I want him! I don't know... Maybe I've set him on some sort of a pedestal... I want him and only him. Others just don't match up. We'll be going to work together starting from Monday. He doesn't know how I feel. I've held it to myself. Though I've told him about my 2 crazy dreams involving me, him and sexual activities. But I told them as they were just jokes or something. I think he doesn't know I'm interested. Ha. What could I do? Break him and his girlfriend up? I'm not like that. But I really want him. The 9th of June is his last day of work there... I was thinking of telling him how I feel, but... God! I don't know. I have to do something. It's so ironic - when I was committed, he was available and wanted me. Now it's the other way around - he's committed and I'm available and I WANT HIM! I feel we'd be perfect together. But maybe he's having a perfect relationship right now?! What should I do? Wait? Let him go? Tell him? I've considered everything. What do you smart people suggest? Am I being foolish? I think about him every day. I feel like I'm living in a world of dreams or something.

Oh, God! Give me some advice, please.

[vashti]

It sounds like you dumped your boyfriend in hopes of catching this guy, and your plan backfired. Leave the new guy alone - he is not available, and trust me: he is not as "perfect" as you think he is. I kind of doubt his girlfriend would appreciate that he hasn't given you the brush-off by now in light of your inappropriate discussions about your dreaming of sex with him, and let's face it, that is how you would want YOUR boyfriend to handle that scenario, isn't it?

[hermionegranger]

Oh GOD, no! I did not dump my boyfriend because of this guy!! You got it all wrong! Maybe I explained it a little badly, but... I definetly did not dump my boyfriend because of another guy. I loved my boyfriend. And I still care for him! I just outgrew the relationship because we shared no similar interests.
Actually I really started thinking of this guy after one dream. After that I kind of remembered him clearly and it hit me - he has the qualities my ex didn't have. And I felt sorry that I hadn't noticed them before. Oh dear! You really misunderstood what I was trying to say. Maybe it's because I'm not from an English speaking country and I have trouble making myself clear. Okay. Doesn't matter. But the fact is - my last relationship DID NOT end because of another guy.

[Ellynn]

Ok, maybe you didn't dump your ex to be with this guy.... But it seems like your jumping to him becuz now you are unattached etc and miss being with someone..
This other guy is with someone! You have to respect that! Your timing was off.... Yes, I know it sucks big time, but you have to let it go...

He seems perfect for you now, but we usually want what we can't have at the moment.....so therefore we tend to put people on a pedestal!

So, just let him be.. If he hasn't jumped at the chance to be with you now that your single.....then chances are he never will. (Also the fact hes with someone..) So yeah, I say move on.

[hermionegranger]

I know what I'm gonna do. I'm just going to let all of this go. I shouldn't have asked you guys for advice, because I know you can't do anything. You don't even understand.
The fact is - I'm not going to break him up with his girlfriend. That has never been and never will be my intention. And since I don't want to lose him, I'm just going to stay cool. If he's happy with his girlfriend, I can't do anything. I'll be moving to a different city soon anyway, so maybe I'll find my luck there.
And Ellynn: it's definetly not about me wanting to be with someone. I actually feel that I'm not ready for a relationship yet. I just want him to know how I feel. The thing I feel for him is not a physical thing... it's intellectual. Oh, it doesn't matter anyway. I can't have him... so I have to let him go. And since he doesn't know anything I can just enjoy my friendship with him. Great!

[Ellynn]

Well then tell him how you feel! But honestly how is that gonna change anything with the both of you going separate ways? Maybe it might give you some closure, but thats about it. Plus it may change your friendship... But, if you feel its something you wanna get off your chest...go for it.

If your not ready for anything....then its good you realize it. I personally am going thru the same thing (with not wanting to get into a relationship because Im simply not ready.)

We weren't trying to diss you. See thats the thing about this board. We give you the honest to god, blunt truth.....and if its something that people don't want to hear, they get all defensive. I have posted threads myself on here as well....and I HAVE heard ALOT of things I DIDN't want to hear...but I respected peoples opinions on my situation. I wanted UNBIASED advice...and I got it! I seriously listened to what people had to say.... Doesn't mean I had to agree with it. But hey, it gave me something to think about.