some advice...please!

[Mr. Anon]

Hello all. This is the first time I have been on a forum like this. I didn’t think I would until something happened this weekend. I have been in the most amazing relationship imaginable for over 3 years now. I have been in long relationships before but this one has made me really realise what love is all about. The girl is everything to me and for the first time in my life something else is more important to me than I am. I see how I have become a better person than I ever been before and I also know that I can love her more than anyone else could ever love her. I have never been unfaithful to her. Never thought about it and certainly never wanted to.

After living together for a number of years she has recently had to move about 2 hrs away in a car for a couple of years (work thing). She has now been there for approaching a year and although after having lived with each other for so long, there is a huge void in my daily life we have been seeing each other every weekend and its been working....there have been the ups and downs we we are happy and totally committed to getting throught it

This weekend though a female friend stayed at my house after a day and night of heavy drinking. On deciding to hit the hay, I said without any thought to this being a bad thing that she could have half my bed and with that we went to sleep. Some hours later we both woke up kissing each other. It lasted some minutes but as soon as I came around to consciously knowing what was going on it stopped and I went and slept in the lounge.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how this happened. I certainly didn’t want it to happen and I cannot understand how I could do something like this to the girl I truly want to spent the rest of my life with. I feel out of respect for her I should tell her but I cant help think this will rip the relationship apart. She has always had trust problems which have comedown through how her mother has sometimes behaved and has rarely seen if at all a trusting relationship that has stood the test of time and I have spent the past 3 yrs proving to her they can exist. I feel this will tear all of that down and Im not sure she will be able to allow our relationship to move on. Some people have said not to tell her as the pain it will cause is not worth it for such a one off situation that I never wanted or will let happen again. This will also end a number of long friendships between the other girl and our group of friends. Yet I know this is something that should be in the open in a trusting relationship for her to love me for everything that I am.

I really don’t know what to do, any advice from people would be amazing.

Thanks for listening!

[bluestrattos]

from my point of view you're on a no-win situation: she already have trust issues, what it means that there's a big chance that she might get upset and break up everything with you, because she don't believe that you're innocent and nothing else happened with that woman. And another thing, have another woman sleeping in the same bed where you're slept with the woman you love and want to spent the rest of your life with, isn't the best thing to do.

On the other if you don't tell her, she will discover soon or later, and it will mad with you and break up definitively with you.

Why on earth, would you drink really hard with another woman, alone in your house ? And worse, didn't you never heard that you shouldn't take another woman to your (you and your gf/bride/wife) bed ? Apparentely not :|

i can't see a good solution here... you might lie to her ( i can't believe i'm saying this), telling that your female friend did, in fact, slept in the house, but in different rooms. Keep in mind that she probably will not believe in that, and because it's a lie sooner or later, thruth will come out.

i can't find a good solution to your problem, at this moment. sorry...

[Gigabitch]

I don't think you want to tell her out of respect for her. It's either out of fear of discovery or a wish to ease your guilt by dumping the burden in her lap.

Blue is right- these things don't just happen. You might think you want to spend the rest of your life with your gf, but the truth is you got shit-faced with some other woman and you just might be a great big CHEATER.

Are you trying to punish your gf for moving away? WTF are you doing?